Judge — January 2, 1886 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUD who, being in prison, probably possessed the two requirements of being in townand being sober. ‘The suggestion was at once followed. ‘Tell’s irons were removed, he raised the sail, seized the rudder, and was soon dashing through the stormy Jake with Gessler aud his suite. ‘The boat was handled with cour- age and skill, and the venturesome party drew near its destination, was the | time for Tell’s reves As the boat touched the shore, ‘Tell leaped owt, and pushed it back into the angry waters, While the ter- rified part struggling to land, ‘Tell drew lis cross-bow 3 eful aim, and gent an arrow through tke jugular vein of the tyrant. It was not rst time that Gessler had been shot in the neck, but it | was the last; for his crimson blood’ poured out upon the waves, aud his soul sped away to the region where ‘Tom-and-Jerry is a drug on the market, and mint-juleps are in de- mand. After thus disposing of the tyrant, Tell | coolly walked up to the beer garden; took a | refreshing drink of Milwaukee beer; told the | landlord to put it on the slate; and went to the mountains, where he breathed the air of | freedom, and waited for the excitement to blow over, and the bar-keeper to forget his score, | Ilere end the authentic records. At this point Tell’s history becomes mixed up with suc mass of unreliable tradition that no reputable historian is willing to foilow it. FELIX government clerkship to enable him to keep | out of the poor-house, ‘I'wo hinds of great- ness never pan out braius—a musician and a mathematician. Oxe By oxe the landmarks of the stern simplicity and virtue of our fathers are pas- sing Hannibal Hamlin now wears an overcoat. Ose or THE Warps of Philadelphia con- tuins 4 8, uccording to the Call, Why does n’t it apply for admi to the Un Tue Icon that Fame has writ for Youth is no kind of a reference- book for the children of Isracl, if there’s no such word as ‘ fail” in it. ‘ EXCHANGE ADVERTISES in its pros- spectns several “taking features,” in itself, | but it really means to encourage taking feat- ures on the part of the public. Lywy, Mass., CaN sito the whole human | family ina twelve-month, says John Swin- ton. By comparison, how unimportant do women seem, when all of them combined couldn’t shoo a single cow. OFF THE BENCH. Fresi Pist in Falton market are not so much on toriggle as they were. is learning to A Yankco school-ma’am could give her points. THE MAN WHO EXPECTORATES in the la- dies waiting-room surely does not expect to rate as u gentleman, THEY WAVE GOTTEN IMPATIENT in Phil- adelphia at last and decided that Keeley’s motor ‘‘ must go.” But it doesn’t. A nich MAN onsecteD to his coachman as a son-in-law on the ground that he didn’t , want a stable government in his family. Ir 1s nuwoneD THAT Maggie Mitchell and Harrison, the boy preacher, are about to retire from the stage, on the superannuated list. Wien A Masonity can prohibit the sale of whiskey, as in Atlanta, the Democratic press declares that liberty is a hollow mock- ery. Ir IS A WRETCHED THING to say, when winter comes in like a lamb, “this is beastly weather.” All wethers are, so are all | lambs. THE GREATEST MATHEMATICIAN in this country is near Eric, Pa. He has been promoted to a | Tre peat oF Bor Toomns removes another of those typical characters whose picturesque profanity has done so much to give American civilization a distinctively and conspicuously national flavor. We could better have spared a worse man. | damp as he su A Member oF THE New York common council complains of red tape in the pro. ceedings and says ‘common-sense members show.” If there are any such members they have the greatest show don’t have ar |on earth, the mectings of the council. HE WAR ON CORSETS is fru i bound to be It is demonstrated that human ribs, unfortified by steel and whalebone, could not “ stand the press” that nearly all ; Women have to go through from the date of the first beau until the last time they | cross the street under polite police escort. A STRIKING Sherman LIKENESS of Hon. John ying the rounds” of the patent illustrated press—that is, it strikes us as singular that a man with hair and beard as coarse and straight as Dakota wheat-straw could ever have been elected to the pre dency of the Senate, He does not look any too good to agitate the sanguinary furnish- ing goods, is: <@ ITENDERSON, POET AT LARGE, in a recent love song, expresses a frantic but blood-chil- ling desire to be a snow-flake and frankly vows the fell design to ‘* float to the breast of my warm, sweet love, and nestle, and melt and die.” Tle does not reveal whether this suppositions love isa woman or a dog, but if the former, and access to the nest- ling places is as open as he intimates, wead- vise him to try something not so cold and ests. CLUB NIGHT. Mr. O'FLANNIGAN—“ Faith, and one club iz enough for one manin one evening—after amed Martin, a track-gardener | geing introduced ta the Democratic club on the hill 1 mus bating club on the right.” introduce meself to the woman de- BISBEE. comicbooks.com GE. 7 |