Judge — January 2, 1886 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

| | THE JUDGE. MORCEAUX. THE MUGWUMP ISN'T DEAD YET. This year they politics have shunned Because reformers are redundant, But though they now seem moribund, ‘The truth is they are more abundant. THE UNSELPISH M. When came to him prosperit With others he would share it; When came to him adversity, He'd simply grin and bear it, A YACIITING ITEM. Time flies: the yachting season's past, ‘The German schooner's docked at last, As yachts in the winter are; And with laughter merry, ‘The Tom and Jerry Is piloted over the bar, NO NEED OF IT, ‘The maid expects Her beau to-night, And fills the stove With anthracite, Because the air Is raw and damp, But quite forgets To fill the lamp. h the lattice, beauteous maid, of the starry eyes, Ere he begins bis seranade Thy lover sighs. Fair Dian shows her silvery light; Thy casement pray unbar, And I will touch for thee to-night, Sweet love, the light guitar. T'd sing besides, but ask me not, My own, my guiding star, This night at least, for I have got A touch of light catarrh. NOT YET. She, Yes, the violin I played Long before you came to woo, But I ceased when we were wed, For the practice, mother said, You'd taboo. She was wrong, my own, my best! Yon have bought a violin For your wife—she is blest, Now I pray you get a rest For my chin. He. And not that, love, I entreat, For I listen and rejoice When you speak—'tis joy complete For like music low and sweet Is your voice. When Love's sun is in the West, And to quarrel we begin; When your tongue becomes a pest ‘Then I'll try to find a rest For your chin, [Boston Courier. | : OYEZ! OYEZ! “Oh, Charley is just the loveliest hus- band inthe world! “I thought I would be | economical, so I did my own washing and ironing; and I starched Charley's shirts awful stiff all over. And what do you | | but Cocoa cheers one through life. think he said when he came home?” asked an inexperienced Mission street bride of a lady friend. ‘Dunno. Mad, I s’pose?” “No, indeed; he just laughed and said they would be nice to scratch flea-bites with, Wasn’t he good? ”"—[Cal. Maverick. “The evening star is trembling on the hill-top,” wails an eastern poet. We judge by this that the evening star is married, and isn’t able to get his wife a new bonnet. [Newman Independent. Sam Jones say he truth flows from a good man like molasses from a jug” — Poor Tom Ochiltree ’s a-cold, if we may judge by the way the molasses of truth flows from him.—[Washington Hatchet. If poets were as solid with the editors as advertisers are, the muse would be roosting in the sanctum with her feet on the etagere and her pockets loaded with fifteen-cent cigars.—[Merchant Traveller. An educational journal, speaking of spel- | ling bees and the Welsh language, si “For example, pronounce “Wgnilbranlly ‘That's easy enough. A boy only ten years old would pronounce Wenllbrunliyga “jaw breaker.” And he would make no mistake, either.—[Norristowu Herald, “Mama,” said a little Estelline girl, “what is that man doing over there on Mr. Thompson's porch? He has been sitting on the steps for two hours and hasn’t- moved.” “That, my child, is a house painter, he is painting Mr. ‘Thompson’s house by the da [Estelline, Dak., Bee. | There are church members as hard to be revived as china eggs are undera settin hen. ‘They will not warm and they discourage the preacher as certainly as the china egg wears out the egg that wastes her warmth [Boy Preacher of the Picayune. In acertain village in Maryland a small boy kicked up a breeze in the parish church one Sunday. It seems that a certain good woman bought a calf’s head and put it on to boil, leaving her little boy to mind it while she went to church close by. The minister had reached his ‘‘Fifthly, my brethren,” when a small boy stuck his head in the door and whispered: *‘Mamma!” ‘The good woman recognized her son instantly, and be- gan at once to make signs to him to leave the door. ‘*Mamma!” again came the whisper, this time a little louder than be- fore. ‘The mother shook her finger at the boy warningly, and in indulged in other f miliar pantomime with which she was a customed toawe her son. But it didn’t work worth acent. The boy was excited and in dead earnest, Raising his voice he shouted: ‘ Mamma, ha needn’t wink and blink at me; but you had better come home right away, for the calf’s head is buttin’ all the dumplin’s out of the pot.” [Annapolis Capital. When Cowper wrote of tea as the cup that cheers, he had never heard of Baker's Break. fast Cocoa. ‘Tea cheers for the time being, is nothing more refreshing or nothing upon which a man can doa better day’s work than Baker’s Breakfast Cocoa, Like all good things, it must be treated with proper con- sideration, and pains must be taken with the making. Wken it is made as it should be, it is the most refreshing and delightful beverage in the world. There | A SONG OF THE NOCTURNAL SEASON, Buukum, dear Bunkum, why don't you come off? The clock in the steeple strikes one You said you inte ded a few brief remarks, | And yet you have scarcely be D. Th . the House tired out, The y 5 And yet you whang on with your merciless yawp, ‘Though the clock in the steeple strikes two, Ob, Runkum, dear Bunkum, go home to your couch; You've par The A ken too much of * cold tea,” nile of sleep, ck in the steeple strikes three, allery’s wrapped in the m 1 the ¢ Oh, Bunkum, the morning is breaking at last! ‘The pig seeks his bucolic trough; The rooster is crowing: loud bellows the calf. Ob, Bunkum, dear Bunkum, come off! uw on Hatchet. | SOMERVILLEANIES, Time is money, they say. And we have often observed that it takes a good deal of money to have a good time. Oleomargerine in New Hampshire has to be colored pink, according to law. This is evidently the pink of imperfection. A New Jersey man extravagantly offers 0 for proof that the earth revolves. He could convince himself for & by simply ge' ting dran The first choice in colors of all children under 7 is said to be yellow. When you stop to consider, it is only natural that a young child should prefer yellow. It is apt to be a yeller itself. ‘The price of a young giraffe 00 and of an old one 25,000. Any young man with a yearning desire to start a paper to fill a long-felt want—in his pocket-book—will do better to buy a young giraffe and let him Brow, It is proposed to establish in California a colony of 240 families from Alsace. If the plan is carried out there is little doubt that the colonists will follow the example of the Californians and Alsace the Chinamen. (Journal. STRONG LOVE REWARDED A little girl, eleven years o was directed by her teacher to write a com- position on “Strong Love Rewarded.” The following is the composition: There was a young and | tenant, and a young, beautiful girl, and they loved cach other; but their parents wouldn't allow them to git married. But one day the lieutenant won a large amount of mon- y, and then there was nothing to hinder. Lhey got married and were happy, but they didn’t get children, So a war broke out and he was commanded to go and fight for his countr: While fighting he was taken prisoner, ind he was in prison seven years. Then he came home, and who can tell his joy when his wife showed him seven little children she had got while he w In this way did strong love age, at school, some lieu- THE ANALYSIS OF AN ARTESIAN WELL. | _ An artesi well was recently bored at Columbu: and the water therefrom is very cold and possesses rare chemical properties. A town darkey, with enp in hand, was standing at the well a day or two ago, when acountry darkey jumped off his cotton wagon and asked him to allow him to use comicbooks.com