Judge — December 26, 1885 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. “APPOPRIATE CHRISTMAS GIF 13 309 Pawnee Ser tes 93 oy Yon Not an Elder. “Mariar, what book was you readin’, so late last night?” novel by Dumas, the Elder.” *™ Tdon’t b'lieve it. What church was he elder on, I sh’d hke to know, and writ novels?” Beats Santa-Claus and Crispin. “Did you hang up your stockings?” “No, I beat that!” “What?” ' “Thung up a pair of new shoes with a new shoc-maker.” “Oh, that does beat hanging up stock- + ings. Beats the shoe-maker, too. Larceny on Leaving. “Pugh! you don’t cx!) Deacon Simmons an honest man, do you?” “Yes, siree! I would trust him with all my money in the dark—if T had any.” “+ You haven't heard of his taking that thing from Mrs. Sowers’ hall after the social, then?” “No, und I don’t believe it, anyway. What did he take?” “ His leay At once there ‘rose so wild a yell, etc. Merry Christmas, All. We desire to make cach of our funny con- | temporaries a Christmas present of a com- plimentary notice celebri in just | glowing terms the pre-eminent rank of jin the court of American humor. We feel | our own, and the dictionary’s inadequacy to | this task. Indeed, the theme in each case 1s for abilities not less marked than those of the respective beneficiar Accordingly, | we authorize e ofeur f. and e.¢.’8 to write und print sixteen (16) lines of the best nickle-plated commendation of itself | charge—or credit—the same to their com- | mon admirer, Tue Jupce. Nothanks, Go and enjoy the day’s fe Economy of Brain Work. “Pa, I'm not going to learn any more hy lessons.” Why? Have vou been excused from hy lessons?” but— *T presume your teacher has got tired of such a stupid pupil. “Teacher nothin’. I’m the feller that’s | got tired. I read ina paper that the geogra- phy of over half the globe would be changed by future explorations, and I am going to | wait. I want to get it straight before I put | in so much hard work.” nd | Annual Keview of the Petroleum Game. | ‘The games played by the Petroleum Pro- ducers the past year show that they continue to be better in the field th The Middle Field has been player on the market of late; vented th ide in from) winni worst left field was unquestionably Scofield, who got left in the celebrated” Blackmar game. Put and calls have been altogether too humerous among players. A good many men have had to take their first base position on calls, men having been compelled to lay down there to avoid being put out. me | who have come to grief have made a bad show of base baw]. There has been altogether too much wild fielding; and unless ashort stop can be put to such games it is doubtful whether future seasons will pay any one but the managers of the Standard Game. The game is now in that anamalons. sit- uation in which the man who makes the most runs shows the poorest score. The | worst play has been made, however, by that producer who, im watching to find her way up kiting, bas found himself to be a bad catcher. We doubt if the men got home safely after a strike enas they might have done— an opinion that is shared by their spouses, ‘There has not been much whitewashing; it is worth considering if there isn’t need of more, in the exchang D vat making runs. the worst comicbooks.com