Judge, 1885-12-26 · page 3 of 16
Judge — December 26, 1885 — page 3: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This cartoon satirizes a German-accented policeman discussing American politics and social issues. The humor relies on ethnic stereotyping—exaggerated German dialect and malapropisms ("dot," "vay," "beople") were standard comic devices of the era. The policeman's rambling monologue covers the silver currency debate (likely referencing 1880s monetary policy), wealthy figures like Jay Gould, and anecdotes about barber-shop arguments and street altercations. The title references James G. Blaine (a prominent politician), suggesting the whole piece mocks how immigrants understood—or misunderstood—American political controversies. The "Off the Bench" column contains brief satirical notes on foreign policy, Jews, science, and business failures. **For modern readers**: This reflects period-typical ethnic humor, where immigrant accents and broken English were treated as inherently comedic, often paired with supposedly foolish observations about American society.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THE GERMAN POLICEMAN'S PHILOS OPHY AS TAKEN DOWN IN A RE: PORTERS E-BOOK, “1 hope Congress vill look owd vot it docs apowd dot sil- ver gwestion, It s to me der pesd vay to settle dot is to leaf it ale Bat inaype Tam beculiar abowd dot. It seems to me der beople vich comblain uf der too-muchness uf silver must peen gr tond see any possibility \ AUTHOR w THE SUNS can comblain uf dot. “JULIAN” RALPH. : GERMAN BARBER es “T haf daken nodice vhen a ie \- Se man bretends he knows every. dings yon vill find he only iia cliooit’a Jenile—analeven dot he seems to haf got all ot Chay Gould has left Vall street. If dot is drue it is von uf ndleman has ever daken holt of und aftervords left. g mit him. n not in favor uf such bractices, chen- ae could have shared Vall sdreet, erally, but der c “LT vould let a barper dalk to me so long vot he likes, but I vould lick him uf he con- tradicted me. A barper has no right to sharge a man den cents for obinions vich he ton’d vont—or feeft mit pay ram Since our enderbrising and bublic-sbirited frents und broders, der Eyedal , haf reduced der tax on having hair egstracted mitout bain down to fife cents, every man ‘Vonts his own obinions mixed up in his own cup und mit his own prush laid on. No; [ain't so mussy as you dink. — Dot's etty near daki Ivays peen der vay mit me—I sound modest bart in a fighd mit a man ina .alretty. I vos in citizen’s glothes und hat mit “N man vos making a noise und [ dolt him so, gwite bolitel ‘Shut I sayt Py Chimaneddy! he vonts to make my nose mit his fist nted, und sboke g mit my remains up der floor uf der shop. Chimany hooky!’ Tsayt, * Look owd or you vill surely sboil your rebudation. You are vorser as a brize fighde: ** Tow ish dot he vonts to know, + « Pegause, “you really do vont to fighd, und dot’s someding fighder never von vot a brize iceman, und a veller came up to him vhen he vos daking a day off, shtanding der front site uf his house, alretty. Here you are, ch?" dot man sayt to der boliceman, ‘So you vont to lick me, eh? Vell, vhy ton’d you lick me uf you vont to? + Dot boliceman ran righd avay der insite uf his house, shtuck his head der second sdory vindow owd und sgreame ** Aind you ‘shamed to dake a mean adwantage uf me, catching me in citizen's glothes. — Vait till I got my uniform on und I vill vonce again dalk to you der vay you deserve.” “ Don’t shpeak to me apowd Reilly’s boy; der very subchect uf dot boy makes me sick uf my shtummick, Dot feller uses chokes der same vay some men use vhisky und topacco—he makes a habit uf’em. Von ding I haf nodiced—if a young feller dakes up der vork uf making beoples laugh, as a shteady brofession, somedimes it vill pe at him vot dem vill laugh. — Vot does der poy do? Shtands mit a growt uf loavers der corner gro- cery in front, to kecb up der rebudation uf der corner.” OFF THE BENCH. | OUR FOREIGN poLicy—the Havana lot- A MEpIcAL paren undertakes to tell “why Jews live so long.” It is, likely, be- they can make money at it. ADVICE IS LIKE ME! sparin tcINe, to be taken | , and then only when you are too far gone to guide your own walk. PARISIANS HAVE KEGEN to eat monkeys. Probably in the form of a The monkey is the missing link, no longer. \| A CORNER IN NATURAL gas is announced in Penrsylvania. Now Ict’ the same be worked im Washington and we may be happy yet. UsvaLLy WueN A firm fails it becomes. a firmer. This is not intended as an intima- tion that the partners have chiseled any — | one j = | SCIENTISTS HAVE No reverence. They are now gauging the warmth of the moon, in utter disrespect of poetry's ‘cold, cold moon.” “THE WaGes oF SIN” is a piece in which the cast act the most startling realism when they get their salaries. ‘They draw best then, too. Next WeEK will close the race of 1885 with a short heat, unless the weather prophets lie worse than usual, which does not seem possible. I. HavLenpac, publisher of Godey’s Ladies Book, has made an assignment. His subscribers have been haulen-back their patronage, evidently, SOME CLERGYMEN OnJECT to round dane- except at the fireside. ‘Th fe it exclusively a home want to f ircle within one —a wheel within a wheel, as it were. Ovr Puitapeceuta £.c., the Call, seems to be having a little boom all by. itself, Everybody buys it, probably becanse he believes that to own a caul brings good luck. A REVIVAL OF RELIGION among. bar- tenders is reported. We shall believe it when we discover that they put twent stead of fifty percent. of v they sell. in- ater in the whiskey comicbooks.com