Judge — December 26, 1885 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

TAS Pe Ga THE JUDGE. PUBLISHED ONCE A WERK. TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS. (Ustrep Stares axp Caxapa.) fs apvasce, One copy, one year, or Stnumbers, 5. One copy, six Ove copy, for 13 weeks, Single coples Weenta cach: THE JUDGE PUBLISHING comPASY, 924, 326 and 328 Pearl SI NEW YORK "TO CORRESPONDENTS AND CONTRIBUTORS, FP-CORRESPONDENTS WILL PLEASE TAKE NOTICE THAT THEY OrNcE AT THEW OWN fia, W Wuene 4 ras consionmast. WILL STAY IN ON A SURE HAND. Sporting men think the meanest ‘“ beat” is the man who will never bet, save ona sure thing. He is simply a confidence operator. The share that the great managers of trunk lines and corporations have in Wall street operations is that of the man who always betson a sure thing. They know the condition of the stocks that they bet on; in fact, they make the conditions, and can put values up or down as they can move the hands of the indicator. So Mr. Gould was strictly correct when he , ‘ [never speculate.” He lets the public and the stock-gamblers do that. THe sits back and makes his millions by fleecing all. To such men as Gould and the late un- lamented Vanderbilts all men in Wall street are lambs to be shorn, Hence, the millions taken out of the street every year by the men who ‘never speculate.” Hence the depression of Wall street. Yo suppose that Mr. Gould will abandon this sure thing, is to credit him with him- self being a verdant lamb. Which would be discourteous to Mr. Gould. APPROPRIATE GIFTS. The best value of a gift is in its appropri- Some people would give a man of | the beginning of peace on earth. THE JUDGE. tobacco—the very things that ought to be tuken from them, Some people don’t know any better than to send a minister a bible, a agraphist a copy of “Joe Miller” and a bag of the fruit of Castanea Vesca, an editor a spelling book or grammar, a congressman ‘Schenk on Poker.” The true idea would be to send the bible to the paragraphist, the chestnuts to the minister, the spelling-book to the congressman, etc. People get heartily sick of shop all the year, and on istmas they want a change. Always send the thing that is out of their line. If Tue Jupce editor might venture to delicately hint the thing that most exactly fulfills these conditions in his case, it is- boodle. PEACE ON EARTH—WHEN ? It is a long time since, according to sacred history, messengers appeared from the Almighty Ruler of the Universe to proclaim Since that proclamation there has hardly been a day unmarked by war on earth. More sin- gular still, the bloodiest and most useless of those wars have been in the name of that gospel of peace, or with the blessings of its accredited ministers. But that fulfillment of the new dispensa- tion which sclf-secking religious organiza- tions have retarded, perhaps the intellectual development of mankind may bring to pass. It is growing palpably more difficult, gencra- tion after generation. to set nations to fight- ing. Their ears have to be rubbed a good | deal, and cke their flanks much jabbed, to work them up toaset-to. It is one of the best Christmas tokens this year that the nations of pe stand around the two small boys of the Balkans trying to compose their quarrel. And truth to eay, of the two boys one seems afraid and the other dar’s’n’t. Is it the spelling book more than the bible that has cducated the world to arbitrate rather t fight? Perhaps, rather, that the world is getting rich, and cautious about war-expenses. It is the longest purse, in- stead of the heaviest battalions, that wins; and while national honor can be healed by gold more cheaply than it can be soothed by var, we shall have peace. Money seems to be the new Angel of Peace and Good Will to men. Samver Jones‘ ys, in his famous argument for sea-coust defences, ‘to leave our vast interests defenccless in order to re- | duce the cost of whiskey to its consumers would be a solecism.” Another Samuel Jones has argued that men make the state; and we argue that if the men of this country are fortified with whiskey, the country is fortified. *‘ Hence we view,” that the cheap whiskey defence is not a solecism, but a syl- logism. | RULINGS. Property , some fashionable | preachers preach to a good many empty | Pews when the seats are all occupied. PEAK THE GREAT NATIONAL eight-months’ struggle to prevent legislation and increase appropriations has begun in Washington. Brer INGERSOLL says that the Republi- can party needs & new con-science. As con- science goes with knowledge, is not this equivalent to saying that the party needs new brains? If so—whose? “s WILL was not published : ew York paper until after it had | been unsealed and read. Is the Metropoli- tan press losing its grip? Where was the miraculously-previous Herald ? CANADA’s PROPOSED CARTEL for an ex- change of American bank presidents for Canadian post-masters, both expatriated, is not fair. All the post-masters in Canada, turned criminal, wouldn’t even up for one of our ex-cashiers. A NEW MARSHALL of the District of Columbia has appomted vice F. Douglas, removed for violent partisanship of Cleveland. Fred. ought to experience another change of heart and quit attending Cleveland’s meeting-house to worship. been “CHARITY BEGINS AT HOME,” is con- strued by many people to refer only to alms- giving and to require its exercise on them- selves, personally and exclusively. But it may mean, that charity of toleration and kindness, That charity, if it do not begin in one’s family, will not begin at all, usually. THE CONPRATERNAL GLOATINGS of the World and Star over each other’s libel suits remind us of aman and wife who caught each other in a beer garden with question- able company. “Aha!” both exclaimed simultaneously, “I’ve caught you at it, at last! Conoressaan Ane Hewitt recommends that the whole question of silver coinage be left to the discretion of the Secretary of the Treasury. Oh! Why not at once proceed to the entire swine by farming out the gov- ernment of the United States to a syndicate of New York bankers? They seem to run a good deal of it, already. PrestDENT CLEVELAND, by blue-pencil- ling his message in the proof-slips savagely, managed to cut it down to the longest one issued in years. He threatens, however, to save the excised parts and send them in later. A president’s message in installments is a good idea, ‘* The continuation of this thrilling story will be found,” etc. comicbooks.com