Judge — November 21, 1885 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The German Policeman takes the Downes-Taber Case as a Text for a Sermon. i the smith, t Uf I sho » other day. firsd, as if der newsbabers had daken natural hisdory up und A goot many kind-hearted chack tonkeys dink anity vill all | me to oxbosing 4 ndal uf der animal kingdom, [bet | to bieces vent uf dem tell all vot dem know apowd some rodden you von tollar uf you shall der arrangements und | breacher. Dot's a pig misdake. Sail into dot rodden__ veller moral ideas uf a family uf rats inwesdigade, it vill remind jder same vot you vent for poll py der ent uf your you uf dot P all Having, nose. Your nose vill shtay afder der vhen a poy, some mice kebt, poil vend, und it vill peen a pedder I know vot Tam It's too pad? ness uf itis dotit eaking. ell, der too pad- to find fault mit der bre: pureb But such be vould on Gristianity go yp douf a Downes-Taber case, are yooston a level mita man vich [T know always blenty calf's prains ‘ da mem- Pefore go on stianity pack, let us dink vot der Vorld vos under der olt shtyle relitchions und vot has pe- ne mit Gristianity, got to haf’ some relitchior der only beoples, greated in imi shun ¢ uker, vich don’t some relitehion got are monkeys und vel- rs like Bo! soll. “Bote kinds ok yoost alike suberior peg but der monkeys aro dem got no bower irse, uf sbeech mit vich to dell dor vorld vot pig dem peon. | his in the pulpit, dye undherstand, — Begorra! Pesites, der monkeys haf long dails got, are missing you Christianity remionds me. av the little from der Ingersoll vellers, und vich are gwite useful as vell asd sed fer to shtand besoide Ould Jambo in. the ornamental. cirens rk as if she was taking care av the ilephant.” “Sinz ve musd some relitehion haf, I brefer to sdick py Gris- “ id the German Policeman, madder than a hornet, | tia und it vorks a lece stiff, but I bed POET AL BRIEFS ADMITTED. How We Loves Her, va love me still?” She asks, while doubts beset her, “Yes, wife, [love thee very still, — The stiller, still the Detter.” Autoan Leares, “Pray For you can do it best! “Yes, darlin: Place t help those Autumn leaves to press, if you test will please upon your breast.” Mankind to two ons tend row —th Some rare excep These Nat re m: e has an error ma distinguishable very other living creature. mplimentary. Said she: “ Gaze And waved “ The hills. Admire the beauty of the place? * on this charming view!” hand with airy gr don't 5 the river. cd upon the charming view, ore intently on her face rous fair; then said. Admire the Beauty of the place.” Ido oxo snieere, | better. ‘T haf abowd dot Barson Downes und " By Julian Bi erman Police: man 8 id to his friend, y *Dot’s a bretty how-vyou-vos;—eh; vot? | id effer make a pun (vich T neffer shall) [ vould vos der low-Downes’ case ever [haf heard apowd. y. [t's a leedle new combared mit der resd der relitchions, you it shall THE JUDGE, *HOW-YOU-VOS!" A PRETTY pd, Avtder of the Sun's German Be aber case peen r Reilly, the black - | righd, makes nodings owd tions, Dem are lik It seemed, at | py ny kitchen. “UE you are drying t your élephandine cho come owd all As for such minisdersvich keeb a sort of harems, gainsd Christianity, ay dot | comblain uf my house pegaus Chiminy Hook vy, dot s aind Such felle You m bractice mak. Gris- || ash brifate ot intidelit, stow AyS py uf der me nose, But I got me not any uses for | dem vellers vich shtick to Gristianity | uf a favor, choost to der olt ding grawling alon; bedder dem choin der Fi und shtay righd there along mit 1 der Ingersolls, to China or Chicago als avay from Gristianity righd along in der pet 118 a 801 der vich neffer moofe ty to get | | but all shtay || a Gristian land und Js uf Gristian Civili- zation in der shabe uf hosbitals, || schools, goot laws, goot guffermend | | und decent, sensible, orderly beople | r all arount The Policeman stopped because his | friend, the blacksmith, was convulsed with laughter. Sure,” said Reilly; “1 think you are practicmg fer” to Dawnes’s job whin he from the church, Av ‘dake Chumbo’s t kes on me, alretty you needn't bractice OFF THE BENCH. DNSUMPTION CU would bea good sign for a boarding-house. Turne SEEMS TO DE a larger stock of dry humorists than of dry humor. “The cause is aparen 3 the boy said when asked why he did not wish to sit. | “IN the A SOCIAL WAY "—the small boy in two is company,” et rlor when ** SaALVINT Has Wallack’s, either. PLENTY of rivals—not at Every dude plays leer. Ifen vistror was suddenly seized with a colic and bowed himself out, leaving no one | to beau her out that evening. | Tiere Ane SO MANY old fellows backs and else—in a spect ence that the kidsare always roundly beaten, | The rouiticaL rroruets were all disap- pointed. ‘Those who play for political | profits are likely to realize their expectations | at the end of a ten-foot pole. Ovr West they n institutions—they are rank eduei all ‘universities "— | according to number of square feet of black- board that they have. ional ‘THERE AE VanIOUS recipes for testing | | butter going around, but what is wanted is a method t at can be applied to the butter THe in pl SECRET OF married life lies that not married and acting the part with startling realism, Mar- | riage, like ice-cream, requires a good deal of spooning to be happy. MAPPY you ng are FATAL RESULTS From College athletics continue to justify the beneficial effects of | | this department of higher education. hose | | who perish on the campus do not survive to | { starve after graduation. \) “THE DAIRY PRODUCTS of this country,” yelled an orator at a fair, “amount to a hundred millions, and the industry is still in its infancy.” ** Wrong,” cried a cute bystander, “it is infancy that is still in the dairy business.” | comicbooks.com