Judge — October 24, 1885 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

HE WAS ONE BUTTON SHORT. | -- | the | The German Policeman Burlesques Tyrannical Manner in which Fashion Rules Her Slaves. md, Author cf the “Son's German Barter,” Ei By Jalan & “Tam afrs the German DP. veman said to his friend Reilly, the blacksmith rday, in the most wtones, AT years uf ghd lifting I find I leedle bedder as + me ould id Reilly, ways takes the ionsly, * What is What on airth has the mather wid yez? wint wrong wid ye “Der drubble isa vasted life,” the Po- licemen said.“ Bedder [vos dead und gremated, You cee, [dook owd my tress suit uf glothes—new lasd year und goot effer dem vos—und I sdarted owd py a high sociedy affair; it vos py der mansion uf | a vealthy | peer prewe Coming home, | a yourg chendlemans meets me a horse car | insite und says tome vhere I haf peen. I | dolt him, * Vot!’ he sgreamed; ‘you tond mean to say you vent py a pall looking like dot?’ ‘Looking like vieh?? I timed. «Mit such a bair uf drowsers as dem?’ he sayt. *Vhy, dot’s der suid you hat from last_ year, alretty, und ve haf choost got vord py London dot der sociedy dailers are gonsdructing drow den inches to dwendy inches vider as dem built der lasd year dfousers! ’ “Chulius Cwsar, dink of dot! I some more dalk hat mit dot shwell und found I vos vorser as aconwict, ‘Votis der vorst ding a man which has a resbectable family can done in der vay of shocking society?’ I asked dot feller. “‘Der vorst dings vot I effer heard uf,’ he sayt, ‘is a man vich vears a vhite necktie py der dav dime. He is more vicked as a griminal. I left der Re- bublican bardy (dot swell gontinued) on ac- | tt my life a failure has peen,” | jeame der day bac ‘und sayt to her: THE JUDGE. kound uf dot. I hat seen Cheneral Mer- rit mit a vhite neckdie py preakfast in der Fift Affenoo Hotel, und so soon vot 1 read py der bapers he vos nominaded Consul Cheneral py London, I lefd der Grand Olt Bardy.” “+ Are such dings so serious like dot ingwi (I hat myself peen guildy uf der vhite neckdie oudra set Cox in der acd uf it. aturally, I vished to know mit vot degree uf horrer 1 should regard Minisder Cox py der future.) “Are dem so serious?’ I ingwired. * Serious!” Dot shwell —_reblied, oly Hoke! My farder to my sisder ds uf lasd Duesday “Evangelica, my dear, your olt friend und gompanion uf your Schooldays, ‘Tom Prown, vich grew up’ mit you der same like a bro-der, has asked me for your hand in marritch. Vot I shull sayt tohim?’ My sisder fell in a sbelling faint—(a faint uf sbelling; vot der tuyvel do you call dot—oh, yah, in ‘a fainting abell’) und vhen fife uf der highest briced Fift Affenoo ductors had prought her back to her senses, she gried, ‘Oh, papa! how can you so gruel peen to mention dot fellar for my hus- pand? ItisdrueT haf luffed him in my ungultivated infancy; he vos shteady, vell off und all dot, but he game here lasd veek in a dree button vaistcoat, vhen all chendlemen vich resbect demsel- lufs are vearing vesds mit four buttons. Can a maiden endrust her future toa man vich vould done such a dings like dot? No! a man mitout some more self resbect as dot might durn owd a vife beader ora tief.” “I grawled home, Misder Reilly, a proken- hearted man. I knocked on my own door und asked my vife if she vould allow. to ender her house a man vich hat so disgraced himselluf. She vos up, alretty, making preakfast for der family. She vos sheared undil [ oxblained und den she got mat und seemed to dink I vos monkey chokes making mit such a serious subjects. “ <Bedder you go py your room und re- memper do dake off your goot glothes pe- fore you vent to ped,” she sayt, ‘und not | come home py sex o’glock in der morning | owtsite uf your head mit trink.’? Oh, Mr. | Reilly, dot voomans has not der pride und | sensitiveness uf der shwell’s sister vich vould not marry a chendleman pecause he vos von | button shord.” | und hat conghd Sun- | OFF THE BENCH. Ssaxt-pox 1x Canada is large enough to down the authorities. A PATENT MILKING-STOOL shuts up when the cow kicks—the milker doesn’t. Tue slow. IMMEDIATE DELIVERY system is It seems to need the aid of a surgeon, Tue vintvos M dark is likely to be hot day in New York after as chased as ice” in Severat of the planets have more than one moon, but Chicag d to have two Suns. is the first wo THE BIG HAT NUISANCE 1m the andience is as aggravating as the big head on the stage. nuisance Tue state or Co NectICUT is. rising from the sea-level. Rhode Island will tilt all New England on end, yet. Ix Fist the women do the fishing and the meu stay at home to get full. Which is the most civilized nation? Tue Cincinnati Merchant Traveler announced as ** the official organ of the P. A.”"—Truly Pious Associates? Wer WERE SURPRISED to discover by the illustrated (sick!) newspapers and patent- syndicate that Mine. Judic is a negress, Country crop N. ROYS REPORT the chestnut ; too many unfilled bars. Blas- ted chestnuts! they are a delusion and a burrden—in our exchanges. THE OLD MAN Is bragging that he has three marriagable daughters and he expects to have at least six young gentlemen in the house, to boot, off and on, all winter. THEY ARE LYNCHING men in “ stealing and slandering re: ies.” Newspa Texas for spectatle fami- per enterprise and stock- amoun! to much in Te ling can neve under this code, as “Tue New OnLeans Picayune gives the average reform alderman six months to prove himself a greater scoundrel than the bad man he succeeded.” New Orleans is slow—on everything but the trigger. Prov. Swino, or Cut , has been dis- cussing “club life.” Careful reading of the sermon fails to reveal anything at all about home rule. Te evidently didn’t go into the question full Swing, though he discusses soberly enough, heaven knows. comicbooks:com