Judge — October 24, 1885 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. sv Josh, are yon going to brace this trip the undertaker wiled for you when we were here last?” Casby asked, as we the Union Depot at Chicago. 1 Pallbury, p Lang nearly talked to death, Tanswer frankly that [ shall leave him severcly alone. — Lang fairly mangled that m I don’t really care to face him. Josh. ¢ nd see him,” I put in. ‘He won't ‘ all very well for you to say, Lang, but you knew you wouldn't dare e all on him yourself,” *T wouldn't, hey? See here, if you'll make it worth while, Til not only brace ury, but Vil agree to sell him, too. I'll place a bill of your coflins and caskets and some Custy’s compound to boot. [3 it a go?” Brown went down into his clothes, produced a ten dollar Wil- nd handed it to Gus. that if you dare, old man,” he said. here's its twin, Gus. Now, you fellows, take my grip and give me yours, I'll take ah. nsom and drive around to Pallbury’s and you can wait for me at the hotel.” come bac out as I got in, “That's a go,” L warbled and drove away. » crowd you come Lack with a black eye, if you | In fifteen minutes the cab pulled up before the undertaker’s | door. fy dear Pallbury,” I exclaimed, and a world of pent-up affection carried away the dam of conventional restraint as I sud- ed before that gentleman, a grip in each hand and a heavenly smile on my face. he exclaimed!“ Is it you again?” .Tshould whimper. My dear fellow, I am delighted to see you once more. [came from St. Louis on purpose. 1 knew you would be as anxious to meet me again as much so as I would be to greet you, my dear friend.” While Tw ing him this br I opened the gate of the office rail within which he was corralled, dropped the cases and taking him by Loth fins pumphandled him vigorously I familiarly seated myself on the desk at which he had been writing, and asked “How is Pallbury, the undertaker, and Mrs. Pallburv, the undertaker, and all the little Pallburys, the undertakers? I hope And is br s gool? I was charmed to learn that well de es of Congestive Corns and Bilbo s Bun- ions were becoming yratifyingly prevalent on your side of town and that the chances were that your end of the city stood a glorious show of being depopulated entirely. I was delighted by the news, ar fello “What's that you I want to remark just ‘here that after recovering in a measur from the shock resul sody that foll Mr. P., didn’t display to any great extent that warm cordiality which is apt to mark the manner of a polish gentleman on meeting a friend for whom he has the highest teem, and from whom he has been cruelly separated for a spac There was nothing of school girl gush in his manner of receiving me, but, on the contrary, there was t which suggested the agonized terror joined to the overwhelming surprise of aman who is brought for the first time face to face with the orthodox writhing serpent familiar to those who have ¢: perienced the nervous difficulty know vulgarly as “ jim-jams the regular thing according to Hoyle. I noticed this from the start, but imagining that it arose from— well, from inferior breeding and was the outcome of poor social training, I did not blame Perhaps, too, his lack of cor¢ that he had seen me bat once g from my sudden appearing and the rhap- | in feature and attitude | illbury as T had aclear right to do. | ht be attributed to the fact | livered the written orders I had taken from Pallbur: don that occasion had been | | tortured into giving me an order, enduring in the process, great mental agony. I was, therefore, not deeply hurt or mortally offended. Now, Mr. Pallbury was a business man from way-back. I sized him up to this figure and was not, therefore, greatly sur- prised when the expression to which I have alluded changed in- stantaneously to one of marked interest and lively attention when I gave him the pointe r that the angel of death wa pying with the happiness and peace of the residents of the North side. I pulled a book out of my pocket. I think it was the West- minister Shorter Catechism, Tt m en Schenk’s Rules for Draw Poker, how ed imp **T have written in this book notes « nt made me by a friend of mine connected with the hicago Board of Health. ‘This gentleman told me on the dead quict that there will presently prevail in this city an epidemic which will rage for months and re- sult in large mortality. The cases reported of Billious Bunions re simply forerunners of the plague which is to follow. “Now, my dear friend, when this statement was made me last night in St. Louis, ther ent a certain Mr. Cusby, This gentleman is the travelling agent for Pydia Linkham’s Mineral pmpound, the only medicine that will conquer the approaching disease. Cusby is an old chum of mine and gave me the bulge on the other man who had come from Chicago to St. Louisito arrange for an immense quantity of the Compound which he proposed buy- ing up as a side specu 0? [hold now the right to all the Compound that can be delivered in this city for the coming six months under a tight contract. Now, friend Fallbury, if the un- dertakers of Chicago will buy out my pu e they can stand be- hind the angel of death to whom T alluded with “much respect a few moments a, nd run the plague to suit themselves. If, how- nu do not choose to take it off my hands, I will sell the stuff ud your angel will be knocked silly in the first Having put the matter thus clearly, I had no difficulty in sel- ling the undertaker a neat bill of the Compound, assuring him that the purchase was but his fair share. ‘Then I sailed 1a and filled him full of funeral furnishings, including everything an un- dertaker could possible make use of during 2 booming plague, from ahearse down. He not only bought chcerfally and generously, but thanked me for giving him an early opportunity besides. Gus handed me the stakes when I returned to the hotel and de- comicbooks.com