Judge, 1885-10-10 · page 5 of 17
Judge — October 10, 1885 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple satirical pieces typical of 19th-century American humor: **"Bad Effect of Too Literal Sunday School Teaching"** mocks rigid religious instruction through a dialogue where a mother tells her daughter she cannot go to heaven, so "we will both of us do to H—" (Hell). The satire criticizes overly stern moral teaching that produces absurd conclusions. **"Captain Bravely's Daughter and Her Pension Experience"** is a longer narrative poem about a military officer's orphaned daughter seeking a pension. The satire targets bureaucratic incompetence: despite her father's military service and death, lawyers cannot locate documented proof, leaving her in poverty. It critiques both legal systems and government's failure to support military families. The page also includes brief comic items mocking abstract profanity, an inventor with impractical ambitions, and a domestic burglary scene. Overall, the content satirizes institutional failures—religious dogmatism, legal incompetence, and government negligence—through domestic scenarios designed to seem absurd.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THE JUDGE. LOYALTY. ~~ | BAD EI OF TOO) LIT AL SUNDAY SCIIOOL 1 in re can sit on and Mornen—* No, darling, dolly can't go to heaven! never tire, \| Motnen Danting—** Never mind, Dollie, if Dollie tan’t do to heaven, we will both of us do to H— | | CAPTAIN BRAVELY'S DAUGHTER AND HER | That there within the maiden’s heart grew up | In all the pile of evidence the lawyer's brains | | PENSION EXPERIENCE. | 1 fears . . . | — | Her bra quite bewildered with their legisla Though they had queried far and. near, unmind. Oh, Captain Bravely’s daughter was a comely little tive caper . ful of the distance, — . . creature % pics are ungrateful,” said the little maid in There was but one established fact they'd n | tears. And very le she was with nature yet un te The officers all said they kuew ber father had A comfortable income would have been ai alictiea feature In this little maiden’s his'try—if the captain hadn't died other His country, and his services we valued very legal fact remaincd—and deeply they And tho’ she cried her cyes near it was a satis regretted — ry iden couldn't prove the war had her To think that her beloved papa bad for his nation apa dict foug And that he'd gained distinction in a certain noted | 4489 the little maiden passed through many a action, — troubled hour, For which bis graceful country now would treat | O#€ ay upheld by promised hope, the nest en icf; more she really Inlet power, ced them strai her as it ought rapped in So the cheerful little maiden dried her tears it toend the ease that she about her | n applicat h she trembled just a bit ber feel couldn't rout her | From starting for the office she was told without delay. bt have for a pension right awa fact we feel con ntion— Well, fo ighty-fiv What fee, ma’ small—three 1 mak 1 we | The fac 8, we always known you'd never But dear! there were so many horrid lawy¢ and papers, our pa is not alive! SACHIN MISS NANCY MAGUIRE, | Miss Naney Maguire L ed to sit near the f th her chair tilted higher; | Thus it was her desire ‘To sit and perspire Which kindled the ire Of her cold-blooded sire | Who was keen as a briar, Now, the tr acherous fire it crept nish In the Heavenly choir. Abstract Profi “My patience!” ex- | claimed the young doctor at the res waiter sent t the table } “Myc ulated the lawyer oppo- utlemen,” waiter, cally, pstulated ocked at my’ ness than Tat stract profanity. K. MORGAN, A MAN Has built a | steam engine that will stand on a gold dollar. It must be one of those gold dollars that a mil- collected — — ‘That if her father hadn't died, he'd now be in ex- pevva. A BURGLAR ALARM Mus Heavywetant—" Oh, there's robbers down Mio WL" Well, for Heaven's sake look over the | be rudd they rill tay doen," comicbooks.com