Judge — October 3, 1885 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

MULLINS, THE AGNOSTIC, As Told by Deacon Stillieater, Ilis name was W He had a sneeri Of turnin’ bis proboscis up At everything you'd say. “Wal, now, how do ye know? “Tlumph, now, how do ye kn The way it clos It wan't by nom iam Mullins, and way ow? 1 an argument ns slow, You might be talkin’ social like With fellers at the st ics, and sich, ht have the fluor a-gettin’ things down fine, Provin’ that th 2 When Mullins would stick his long With “Humph, now, how do y nove in I seen that critter sit in church no regards for time alms ¢ He'd rise and bust the bull tl With “ Hump, now, how do y and place endle ap know?” Te cut his grass whenever it rained, He shocked his wheat up ¢ He cut his corn behind the f lis hogs were allus lean. He built k the big end up, Ilis corn-cribs big end down; “Crooked as Mullin’s road-side fence” Was a proverb in our town The older he got the worse he grew, And crookeder day by day; The squint of his eyes would wind a clock, Tlist oes turned ont cach way; His boots and shoes was both of ‘em lefts, The rheumatiz. twisted s0, Bat if you said he dida’t look well, He'd growl, “ Now, how do ye ki And that darned grit led to his dea He was on a railroad track Crossin’ a bridge; T heard the train And yelled, ‘ Mullins, come back! The train is round the curve in sig Says he, “Humpb, how do ye km L ielped to gather him up in a pail The engine scattered him so, T think its best to have more faith concerns d the returns. n statement will do for me, A hint instead of a blow; A coroner's jury may fete out facts, But its rather late to know.—[A. T- Worden. GRAND OPERA HOUSE. Mr. L. R. Shewell’s wonderfully success- ful and vivid drama of life in the metropo- polis, “The Shadows of a Great City,” was produced at this theatre Monday evening, September 2Ist. It was given with all its massive and realistic scenic and me- chanical effects, including the revolving prison on Blackwell’s Island, the picturesque panorama of Hell Gate, the Boat-House on the Harlem River, and the thrilling escape on the rocks, The very large stage of this house permits of the proper display of the magnificent scenery with which thie play is given, all of which were entirely new. This will the only production of this great play in this theatre this season. [two-inch « THE JUDGE. SAWDUST. Love is blind, but matrimony oculist. When the trunk playing policy th The pretty girl behind a calico counter in a fashionable dry-goods store is a print-sis of the realm. The § iga great line railroads are are playing pool. not oth Sea Islanders are learning to Snglish and play poker. Another » in the Pacific male, “© Good gracious,” discovered the porc shall be Drops of water falling continously plank would wear vit in about thirty-five years. k beer. said the hen, when she in egg in her nest, ** I a bricklayer next.” ona throug Mo D Sam Jones, the evangelist, has opened mpaign to save” Chicago, Tis grandchildren will carry on the bu old stand. A tu save 1 isa tiresome pre acher’s oppor- tun) Turn fim on to a da tion and he will make the mouracr the party had never died A writer has discovered that aptivity live a very short time. ‘This may be a rule; but we Know of some married men who have attained a remarkable age. “T don’t enjoy poetry asa general thing,” said an old lady who dropped in on us Te- cently, “but when I step out to feed the hogs and hist’ myself on the fence, and throw my soul into a few lines of ‘Captain Jinks,’ it don’t seem as if this airth was made to live on, after all.” Lady, in. registry office“ Iam afraid that little girl won't do for a nurse: she is too s 1. I should hesit: to trust her with the baby.” Clerk— . madam, we look npon as her gr mmendas tion. You should remember tha at when she drops a baby it doesn’t have very far to fall.” [St. Paul Herald. THE BALD-HEADED MAN'S APOSTROPHE TO THE DYING FLY. Good-bye, 0. The cause of much profanity! Go die Damned fly Thou teaser of humanity! Th .e summer dies, Thou'rt powerless now to tantalize, Hat hat Ta, ta, tumn com The cold he it; I'm glad of itt Ab, met h thee A dreadful time I've had of it All through th ner time, Now give my poor bald head iy. by, Shoe thou pest; arest, [Boston Court OYEZ! OYEZ! fan’s birch was the original tippy canoe.—[Somerville Journal. “A new folleeinss ‘on the beat,” an esteemed contemporary, Well, that’s | | 1G | remarks | | too bad. | cled a piece o 13 The old policeman was on the heat, too. ‘Times don’t m to ny.—[ Bloomington The t raining improve ve to catch soft water is when it is hard.—[Philadelphia Call, A bottle of milk which a Baltimore chem- ist was testing the other day exploded with great force and nearly killed him, It was probably from a kicking cow. [Detroit Free Pre It may sound incongruous to speak of the ate rainy spell as ‘fair weather,” but it is fact that the majority of the fairs were held during its prevalence. [Chicago Tribune. James limited E life Mr. should the m ordon Bennett calls himself a copalian. Judging from the Bennett is said to live in we y that his Episcopalianism is about t limited on record, [Somerville Journal. Genius is the phenomenal development one faculty at the expense of other Jn other words this means that some fellows have the faculty of filling themselves with beer when somebody sets it up.” {Newman Independent. ve the Rev. T asked of a promin- r the other day.“ Ilis replied the revivalist. You can’t touch him for less than $200 a week, and we can't afford to pay tha .”—[ Louisville Post. “Why don’t we I cs in Louisville ent revival man terms are too high, Samuel EVOLUTION IN MUSIC. “T tell you, Brome: angel.” “0, no doubs married as lor She's al | word. Ter v h arp Ier—” |, she reminds you of a Inside of a yea cordio Why of an accordion?” * Because she'll make the most noise when you attempt to shut her up.—[Phila. Call. , Thave married an Wait until as I have. » Bromk you've been never a cro: as the sound of P, does she? ¢ she'll remind you of an ac THEY ENJOYED THE WEDDING “ Did you see the bride?” Yes, “ Tow did she look?” “Why, the poor child looked just too miserable for anything. “What was the matter? “ Ther dress wrink on the left shoul- der, and her corset might have been a good deal tighter without kiliing her. One of the bridesmaids told me so herself.” “That was too bad. But how look? Happy, of course.” “*Not a bit of it. Yon don’t did he bat what ailed him He looked ‘as though he had just jumped ont of a band-box and was afraid to move for fear he’d muss 1 ir. [Chic 00: zo Ledger. Sevirror . L. Tanr has just. chis- representing “ Wom- an Triumphant te 18 represented in a garden leaning on a broom, with the hen disappearing in the di Phila. Call, Let the come newspaper writers who continu- in that though their el does 89 comicbooks.com