Judge — September 26, 1885 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Briefs Submitted bY wae wasneces. ‘The great men of one gen- eration become the gods of the next, and later the giants and acters of the nur- sery. the Thor, the Thunderer, survives only in the quaint solemnity, which Germans attach to the oath “Thunder and lightning.” A handred years hence | Cleveland will be a bogle, Bayard the cock-horse that ildren ride to Banbury | Cross, and Whitney a turao- | pike tar. The most consistent hu- morist I ever knew tele- graphed to me yesterday to come to Bellevue Hospital to draw up his will. [ found the poor fellow on his death bed convulsed with laughter. “What isthe matter, Lloyd I asked him. ‘Why my | dear friend,” he replied, “Would you believe it, the policeman clubbed the wrong man.” Among the arguments to invite settlers into a township in Central Dakota is the following, which smacks of originality. “Even the worst cases of hypochondria find among us a safe and happy. retreat. If-slaughter is wholly unknown here. In- deed, though the will were present, the means are absent. For there is not a tree within handreds of miles of us, and our streams are so shallow that they hi no at- tractions even for the habitual suicide.” Mr. Muggins Teaches a Sunday School Class. My friend, Silas Jackson, is a good man, and a pious not one of the canting, hy} critical sort, but a downright and upright good Christian gentleman, who pays his debts and grubs real hard to earn an honest livelihood. Ie isa deacon in the Methodist church and teaches a class in the Sunday school, and yet he never absconded with another man’s cash nor another man’s wife. ‘There are such men, One day business called him out of town for several weeks, and before going he came to me and said: “Ephraim, I want to ask a little favor of you. I e got to go away for three or four weeks, and I want you to take charge of my Sabbath school class while I am away——” “Your what?” Iasked in breathless as- tonishment, “My Sunday school class, you know,” said he. “What, me- hraim Muggins—ex- I teach a class in Sunday school? Great Scott!—I mean, Good Gracious! You must be crazy!” “Now, no more excuses, very man I want, I have spoken to the Rev. Mr. Sturgeon, our pastor, about it, and it will be all right.” You are a splendid dis- ciplinarian, and just the man to enforce obedience and good order.” “Well,” I said, beaten at every point by | ** Good You are the | myself as Mr. Juckson’s unworthy subs tute and took the precaution of saying that I was not a member of the church, so that I would not be called on to “lead in prayers” and got as thoroughly posted upon the les- son as [ possibly could, under the circum- stances. When the first, to me, eventful Sunday rolled around, and I timidly presented my- self at the door of the Sunday school room to act as teacher, I felt much as a man fee’ when he is about to take gas to have his teeth extracted, or when he goes to see “papa,” after having already gone through the exhausting ordeal of making a proposal, or as he might feel when he takes a handful of rather shady paper to the cashier of hi bank to get discounts, or as the Hon. Robt. Ingersoll might feel, if, suddenly endowed with a repentant conscience, he should find himself going into a prayer meeting. Thad prepared myself to answer all possi- ble questions that the boys might ask on the lesson, and had got myself toned down to a condition of staid and sober propriety, so that no smile of vanity or word of unscemly levity might break in upon and astonish the riousness of th 38. There were six of the boys, ranging from nine or ten to fourteen years of age. I said afternoon,” very demurely, and crowded into the end of the seat and sat there bolt upright, as still and as stiff as a statue. I had not been there a minute be- fore the boy next me punched his fingers against my leg and another boy further down “Ts it ali And then the « Boys!” a circ! “Ol dj was, and that the monkey had just come in.” That made them laugh again, I labored under one disadvantage. I couldn't talk very loud to the boys, and they seemed to take it for granted that unless they were shouted at and beat with a club, they had free license to do about as they pleased. I was astonished. Was it possible that these on y all snickered. said I very sternly, ‘* This isn’t his more potent argument, and having no were the good-goody Sunday school boys I more excuses 0 offer, “I'll try!” Well, I conned over the S. S. Times, had heard so much about? they developed into bank No wonder defaulters and went to the teacher’s meeting, announced | other sawdust swindlera. said one of the boys, “I thought it | N the sand by the seaside a pert little miss Sang “ Billow, ob billow, ob billow! And he said to her, “ Birdie, what mean you by this, Singing * Billow, ob billow, ob billow?’ Is it wishing a dip in the surf, Lovet” he cried, Or some rather green fruit in your little inside? ” With a shake of her poor little head she replied, ~ Oh billow, oh billow, ob billow She beat at her breast as she sat on the sand, ng ‘* Billow, ob billow, oh billow!" And she showed all the rings that bespangled each band, Ob billow, ob billow, ob billow! She sobbed and she sighed, and a gurgle she gave, ‘Then she threw herself into the billowy wave But he yanked her right out of the suicide’s grave, Oh billow, ob billow, ob billow! Though he felt just as sure, as he had not a sou, Oh billow, ob billow, oh Lillow! ‘That the old man bad said they must ever be two, Ob billow, oh billow, oh billow! Yet he asked ier what made her so anxious to float; And she said, with her poor little heart in her throat: “T dropped my pet poodle dog off of the boat— Oh billow, oh billow, ob billow! | We worried along until we got throngh the preliminary exercises, and then the seat in front of us was reversed so that I could sit on it and face the lads and then, I thought to myself, I could keep them awed into subjection. But I proved I was mis- taken. They stuck pins into one another, alked and laughed, and paid no more at- tention tome while I was endeavoring to show them how much I knew about the les- son, than if Thad not been present. Not one in the ss had looked at the lesson during the week, or had the slightest idea ‘dl to it. Tasked the boys why the Israelites wor- shipped the golden calf. One of the smaliest of the lads answered as promptly as though he had learned it from a book: “* Because it was the evidence of re-vealed religion.” I was thunderstruck, So were the other boys. “* Where did you learn that? ” T asked. “*My big brother told me to suy that, if the teacher asked me,” said the boy. The other boys thought it a proper and learned answer. “Who was Isaac?” I asked. “*Man what sells old clothes in Chatham street!” said another boy, prom buy ed: I set him right, and then I as “ Who was Joseph?” “Give it up; ask us something easier,” said one of the larger boys. “I know 1!" said a little fellow with bright eyes and an intelligent face. | ‘* He was a brother of the twelve tribes of Isra¢ a: “You mean the | Israel,” I suggested. | ‘0, yes,” said the lad. “I mean the twelve children. They took him out into | the country and fired him into a pit, ard took his coat and painted it red and _ took it home and told his old fader that a wild beast had eat him up; an’ then a circus came | along——” “A caravan,” I suggested. “0, yes—a managerie, and they fished him up out of the pit and took him to Egypt and sold him to Mr. Potiphar for a slave. Then Mrs. Potiphar got mashed on him and made love to him, but Joe, he | wouldn’t have it, and so he fired himself out twelve children of comicbooks.com