Judge — September 26, 1885 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. ALL SORTS OF SAW-DUST GAMES. By Jalian Ralpb, Author of the “Sun's German Barber,” Etc, The German Policeman was asked by his son Jake if he could | svcet like an acdress in a photograph explain what the sawdust business is, at which gaged when he was shot. ‘The wise officer told bank notes to a purchaser and that he should carry off saw- dust, or paper in bricks, in the place of it, relying on the fact that a man who would buy bogus money could not complain if he was swindled. “Tris a grade question,” eaid the Policeman, ** vich is der older, human ure or der sawdust peezness. Mosd uf mankind blays a little at der sawdust game. Von half vonts to git doo much for der money; der oder half vants to gif as liddle bos- sible. Batent medicine met breachers vot immora lifes in brifate, dime muse- um fellers. boliticians vich alvays bretend to been going to done some goot py goundr dust peezness. Ve more as von Bresident uf der United Sdates vich vos skil- ful at dot game. “ Young vimmen make der besd sawdust | .” he continue A grade many young vimmen make pelieve dem been angels choost aboud to drow demselluf avay on a merely flesh und plood young inan. Der young man see chewlry und candy und ice gream, a angel, but he vispers py himselluf: got fooled bat Tdink [ gota angel, vos married he shall find out vot sort u der dime [ bity him owd uf der boddom uf m Reilly,” the Policeman said after hat a gase uf chenuwine sawdust on der A young veller vos gourting a girl vich ‘Tom Davis was en- arrange things so | ‘A goot many vellers alrett alpum, But I hat seen dot young laty coming down py der pasen in der morning his son that the | looking like a fishpole done up im a vooman’s dress und I knew she scheme was to pretend to sell counterfeit money by showing real | vos all humpucks. Cvor is 17? \ IT CAN EAD UNO DALK BUT IT NAS GOT NO PLoo der young lady likes “Vell, sir; dot youn vich is all very sdrange for | iny Hooky! ‘If I vos not a bolicemans vot he vos afrait. my prass puttons vould make him sick, he vould ead me up! Py und py, * “Afder he | he got married und abowd a veck afdervorts | py me und “Der young man used to sbeak to me und I dook der liberdy uf sbeaking blain Ing- glish mithim, — Dis is vot I sayt: ‘In Chermany, vonce, alretty, a young chendle- man hat some sus ns uf his sveetheart dot she been more uf a vork uf art as uf a vork uf nature. Von nighd htuck into her arm a pin all der vay in, glean op to der head. Anod- cr pin he shtuck in. py an- oder blice; anoder pin und auoder pin he vos. shticking in und still she did not gry owd. Dot gafe him so much satisfactions vot he vonted, He vaited undil she vos so dived sidding up she fell right avay asleep. Dot time he dook « pig sign bainted on garboard und tacked it on to her che as if she vos der site uf ahouse. On dersign been such writing like dese: Vor 1s IT? Tt can ead und dalk, but it has «otlesh und plod. D if der conundrum It is a Intly young laty, man vos mat like a house a-fire. Chim- she is. Half | he saya: * Officer, you are righd und Lama plame ve I could : haf for dwendy dollars bought a few di gone aw me up a vife like dov’. ; prown-stoneend wf m ; “Bat,” said I, “uf you done dot your vife could not dalk mit at blendy gov you.” nodings else. Ven he came to seen her she look ndid mit |” *No,’ said he, blump arms uf der ladesd batent, pearly deeth from a Fifth avenoo | dot? Vhy didn’t [ ‘done dot?’ dentist, und a berson all graceful curves, der bought in der Sexth affenoo sdores. Der rosy besd vich could be color uf her cheeks “T calmed der in ashtore und mate der vorst uf it. Oh, vhy didn’t I done onng man right avay down by sheaking to him apowd der young ladie’s boodle dog. ‘Mappy man,’ I sayt; ‘you musd haf cost her at leasd two dollar a veek. She looked as | are not so vorse off, afder all; der boodle dog is chenuw PRINCE ZIK FI At Baden-Baden on the Rhin Where worship they the names that shine, And "Lord it” w ie fh Where, all that fits a dine Is hanging by an anc To any tree Lo, hither Appears his hi , Prince Now, humbly as we bow to rank it by any shank Accustomed to ancestral plank, There's something, surely, in a ‘cra ‘That takes a “title” by the flank, That hits us ne But this, no-wis His Royal Hi, For, Baden-Baden seems so wise In all this thing of noble ties, ‘The ‘method of it’s madness” lies In “taking” title as it flies, And cherishing it’s ver From sole t ‘ow, add to this, w hen Baden-Baden’s c rowds In staring at the title-p: A Russian on the season's stage, Beats all the British lion's And, who's the Russian tries the wits As—what-you-call-him—Prince Zik Fitz. At Baden-Baden, in the van, Zik Fitz's tackle bravely ran,— And, though his “rig” was briefer, than The common spell of Russian Confounded They stood aghast who dared to scan,— Until, across the fancy flits A panoramic Prince Zik Fitz. But, lot amidst the season's blaze, Alas! bis Highness sheds his rays! And, start his subjects from their maz At findi A Yankce's wily, cunning plays — Who early ends his fore For, Baden-Baden, when he quits, “off the handle” Prince Zik Fitz. A little secret seems to stick Since tow Who go abroad bec Or, want to travel in ‘As, any-Yankee Prin Still; "b From somewhere in a gossip's check, Traced up this Yankee's purple streak Of princely Russian, to a meck, But rash attempt to wre Distinction on his own name, Zel comicbooks.com