Judge — September 19, 1885 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE, ; THE GERMAN POLICEMAN ANGRY. The Mischievous Son of His Old Friend Reilly Cruelly Deceives Him By Jelian Ralph, Author of the “Sun's German Barber,” Etc. “Mr. Reilly,” said the German Policeman, “ . ‘a vell behafed poy is der noplest vork uf sharber as 4 serbent’ spank all der vhile, “Yes, oflicer,”” a grade boct has id.’ Also, ‘more | dooth it vos to haf a child vot you got to | smith, “ Yez hav grace in that boy Jake,—a sad scape-grace, indeed.” , ish dot so? Uf you blease, vill you dell me who vos apowd my poy Chake gay- ing somedings at all? I am sbeaking uf your poy, sir. y Chaky is an angel mit golt vings alongsite dot poy uf yours vich peen growing up to pring your grey hairs in sorrow to der chail.” “Well, sorr,” said the blacksmith with great dignity, ‘since you go fer to mention my son, sorr, in the same breath wid yours, this is what your b’y ne: He kem ‘to me this toime last night an’ he up an’ he says, “Mr. Reilly, me father says he can’t listen pur yarns any longer.’ “Yis, sort, that’s jist the words he says tome. And pi “what assidge 1 man mane be using sich insultin’ lan, says I. any disrespect to you, sorr, but being that mad [ could bite off me own nose, d’ye see?) ‘Oh, sorr, says your harnm. scarnm Uivvil ofa bye, ‘he did not mane to be insulting. He says he can’t listen to your yarns any lon- ger because he In’t have time, sorr; they’re plinty long enough as it is. Did Chaky say dot? "Vell, he vos a smard—I mean he vos a | grazy sord ufa monkey. I gif hima bresent—I mean I vill gif | hima bresent uf a goot licking for dot.” vas evidently difticult for the jolly policeman to keep from anghing in his friend’s presence, so thoronghly did_ he appreciate the point of his son’s impudence. But, instantly, his face wore a grave and sober expression. «But, Mr. Reilly,’ said he; “dot poy Mike uf yours vill fetch himselluf up on der insite uf a chail, yet alretty, der firsd ding vot he finds owid. — Vot do you dink py ‘a poy vich makes monkey tricks mit der dignity uf a boliceman? Dot young fellar he comes py me mit der two uf his eyes shticking der front uf his head owd- site und he sa ‘ Misder!” Misder, in dot house isa tickens uf a rig I ich vont vendowd. Der laties are frightened choost ike a house afire und der more dem sgream der more dot pig Lrish- mans vont vent owd!” “Py Chiminy Hooky! I rushed on der insite uf dot denement house vich he bointed owd und I scen dot Irishmans und I gommenced to glub der Fourt’ uf Chuly owd uf his head, ‘Get owd!’ I shouded; “Get righd avay owd!’ Dot pig Irishmans be can bunch aman in der nose so vota man dinks he has got on his face nodings else oxcebt his | ding vot I know, Iam on der bottom uf my back mit der whole | family chumping on my stomach. | der strongest bart uf my poddy. | all der dime choking mit me alretty. nose. Efery dime he bunched me he sayt I should peen der feller to get owd, und cffery dime I glubbed him dertwo vimmen kept tearing avay from my back my coat off—und sgreaming bloody murder. Negst Dank Heilen, my stomach is Effery dime der family chumped dem sing out, ‘how dare | come und glub'a man der insite uf his own house?’ Yah, dot so! It vos der Irishman’s own house, “T vos dunkful I got avay mit my life und my drousers. Dot poy uf yours he vos der strect agross, laughing so you would dink his prains vould roll owd uf his mont. avay. “Didn't I dell you he youldn’t vent out? he shouted at me, “Didn't I dell you he vouldn’t vent owd?’ Oh, Mr. Reil- ly, only dot you peen so goot a friend mit me vot ve drink peer tergedder, I vould lock up dot poy und shvear he vas von uf der vo gangs mit d Reilly laughing by fits and starts—now trying to look solemn and now unable to keep a straight face. “Pond 4 was ena 1A uw langh, r rid the German Policeman, “Dot is not some- dings to laugh at ven your frent is in such adrubbles, Der day hind yesterday comes up to mo two young vimmens, dressed in der hight uf fashion, und von uf ’em says, “Boliceman, I am in such a pig drubbles.’ [know dem young vimmins—dem lifon my beat und peen I vos mad, likesexty. ‘Maype your shoes peen four sizes too much ufa fit,’ I sayt, ‘or maype you got on der corsets of your leedle sister vot you can’d breathe oxcept ven you vent to bed.” ‘No,’ she hat suyt, ‘I am indrab- ble drying to dink vot you vould do if you hat to catch a bick- bocket vot vos running av Vould you run afder him or vould you choost lie down on your side und roll afder him?’ I dook dot young vimmins mit der shoulder und I shouted, ‘who dolt you to soy dot py me? Who dolt you, or I dook you in?’ She vos scared like a man in a Herring’s safe mit der door shut, — ¢ Mikey Reilly dolt me you vouldn’t pe mat if I asked you dot,’ she sayt.” Mr. Reilly almost exploded with laughter. T' rman “Po- liceman, utterly disgusted, moved on down the street, swinging his club angrily, In half an’ hour he was back again in front of the blacksmith’s. “Reilly,” said he, ‘I vill lick my poy like ter tickens uf you vill choost lick your poy a liddle. Dot’s no more as von friend ought to done mit anoder friend. Dake off der hide from ur A BASE-BALLIST could stand a knock-out | better than he could a cut—such as the por- | traits that the syndicate papers are publish- | Around ing. there stood, Ir Is LEARNED that Maxwell, theaccused St. Louis murderer and idol, once taught singing school in Maine. ‘This settles his guilt. And as the mystic wild refrain; again! * THE MODERN WITCH. about the chaldron stout, a withered witch Her hair was “done” ina little grey bob and her was as red as blood, tuff is stirred she chants the “I'm shot if anyone catches me adoin’ preserves Put your love- poy’s back, Mr. Reilly, und I shall know you are a drue friend.” | Mem. ror tur Boy letters through the type-writer, signature and all. ‘They can’t be used in breach-of-prom- | ise suite, uNcED that Rev. Sam Jones, , is making a great reputation We shall hear of his starting a | comic paper next. Ir 1s a the revival for wit. comicbooks.com