Judge — September 19, 1885 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. PUBLISHED ONCE A WERK. TFRMS TO SUBSCRIBERS. (Catren States axp Casapa py, etx months, 0 . 8 One copy, for 13 weeks, = 38 n Single coptes 10 cents each; THE JUDGE PUBLISHING COMPANY, 824, 326 and 328 Pearl St., NEW YORK TO CORRESPONDENTS AND CONTRIBUTORS. DNDENTS WILL PLEASE TAKE XOTICE THAT THEY AT THEIR OWS minx, W WILL me ESTEXTAINED, WHERE A FART OMLY OF CONTRINCTIONS [8 USED, THAT PART WILL BE TRO MATA ON THE PRICE AGREED CYO¥ FOR THE WHOLE THE INNOCENTS AT HOME. For good money a dealer in ‘the quecr” offers the callow countryman ten times as, much equally good, but when the exchange | is made, the guileless purchaser gets a bag of sawdust substituted by a confederate be- bind the panels, + The mistake of the mugwumps was in thinking that honest civil service reform could come from and through the Demo- cratic party. They found out their mistake atthe very outset of the administration. The selection of Higgins, the notorious bal. lot-box stuffer and corruptionist of Balti. more, to distribute treasury appointments, was notice in advance of an intention to | change real reform for saw-dust. ‘The mug- | wumps declared it a test case and demanded | Higgins’s removal. _ He is there yet, giving out the public plunder on good old Demo- | cratic principles. And the mugwumps con- | tinue to support the system as roform. Postmaster-General Vilas, in an official circular, months ago announced the end of the pretence of civil service reform by asking | congressmen to file their application for a “divvy” on the good old spoils plan; thus the administration again substituted “ saw- dust.” And the innocent mnugwumps continue to take it all in as genuine reform, and support the administration. | performing. THE JUDGE. house, the navy yards, the confidence game is openly carried on. And_ everybody sees it and laughs, but the magwumps, “No one is so blind as he who will not see.” They had a good case aguinst the ad- ministration the first time it deceived them. For every time that they have been taken in and done for, since the first, they alone are to blame. The gudgeon that swallows the same bait a hundred times deserves the pain of being impaled a hundred times. NOT A WALK-AWAY. Itis more like a walk-around that the three candidates for Governor of New York are Each thinks himself a ‘sleuth hound,” if we may be allowed the expres- sion, on the tracks of the other two, and that he is rapidly ‘getting away with” them. And all the time they are traveling in acircle, none of them getting ahead a foot, nor getting any the better of the others. ‘The trouble is that all of them are de- pending on the president to decide the race, and each thinks himself the administration favorite. So the contest is reduced to a simple personal antagonism—a scrimmage to beat the other fellow. Once the Democratic party of the Empire state fought for principles; interested itself in state policy and the character of its can- didates for honesty and fitness; had too much state rights pride to have its choice dictated from Washingto Now it seems to have but ‘* one politi hat does Gro- ver want? And that means for whom will the federal patronage go? THE DRUG-EATING ANIMAL. The list of functions that distinguish man from tke rest of the unintelligent animals grows with the advance of civilization; the difficulty of framing a definition of the hu- man brute has much increased since the ynic shied a plucked rooster in the Atheni- an ring as answering the description “a featherless biped.” Among the peculiarities of uncivilized man the ethnologist must not omit the habit of swallowing, inhaling, snoffing up, injecting into ail the natural orifices of his body and eke into orifices made by himself under the skin, and of steaming and saturating himself with— drugs. The account of the poisons that man thus pickles himself withal fills a book as large as an unabridged dictionary. The sale of the same is the most profitable trade going. Man is prone to poison himself as sparks are y upward. Macanlay’s New Zealander, as he sits on the ruins of London or East River Bridge | will probably soliloquize: “Strange that have hastened their own extermination by poisons! Stranger still that they should have taken these deadly drugs under the ignorant hallucination that they would im- prove health! Strangest of all that they were most anxious to so injure themselves when their physical systems were weakened by disease; that they should undertake to cure a sick man by poisoning him, and call that science! These numerous ruins of | drug-stores, still grand in their desolation, attest at once the extent of the infatuation and the cause of the melancholy disappe: ance of agreat people. Why didn’t they try their remedies on their dogs, instead?” RULINGS. CLEVELAND’s EULOGISTS regard his rela- tion to the b. 0. p. ging the dog. sa bad case of tail wag- Tue Democrats seem to think that the executive is the disappointing power in our political system. THERE IS GREAT rejoicing in Boston cul- turous circles when Mr. Sullivan can be got sober enough to stand alone before some other bull-necked biped to swap clarat and swindle the spectators at $3 a head. “WILL THe administration have a can- didate in New York?” pxiously asks a Pennsylvania paper. We can’t say until we read the jail-lists whether there are any inoffensive partisans coming out in time. Ma SUPERFLUOUS QUESTIONS are asked by newspapers in head lines. A Democratic organ asks: ‘* What constitutes cause for removal?” Easy! A cornet-player, bed- bugs, a fire, your landlord’s importunity, and a dozen other offensive cduses. A WoMAN’S JOURNAL wants the govern- ment to pension for life every woman who has ever been a mother. No one as yet pro- poses to recognize the father. He seems to be regarded as of no more account than a bounty-jumper. Yet, he has his uses in the scale of life. Sam. Jowzs came North and saw a regulation base-ball game he has ; announced that “pool selling on base-ball furnishes the reason why I know that the | world is all wrong.” Rev. Samuel evidently | didn’t stand in with the umpire when he | bought his pool tickets. Since Rev | Iris Easy enongh to see the cause of very hard times. We last year imported head-gear for the ladies to the amount of four million dollars, It would be better if women would give up such vanities and | imitate the good sense and economy of men, who pay only nine millions for imported to- In all the departments, in the custom-| these extinct Anglo-Saxon peoples should | bacco and cigars. comicbooks.com