Judge — September 12, 1885 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. “ Boy, take that melon up to the house. Bor—“ Yes, boss; I kin car’ it some way or nudder, easy enough.” Can you carry it?” He carries it “nudder way,” but not easily. M. Freschemilque’s Views of American Politics. That simplicity and economy which at present so rage the American minds, illus- trate herself much when one understood that some Bigguns Washington dispense herself with a fork; that is to say, ‘ Baul in the grub on the blade of its knife.” Feat truly astoni: ich T have fear that our Pari s cal, will not but only shrug them the shoulders in smiling without credit. But yet it is pretty true for the Col. Wagonhorse, when I him in- quired of it, respond of sudden: “ Why, of course, Freshy. Don’t suppose that all our statesmen area set of condamned finics— but holdez vous on! when it comes to the soup, of course, every man puts his knife into his trouser pocket and goes for le fork.” But yet, further attend. Ye that the Government was at work in the cabinet shop, he which keeps the door (that the small boy may fail to rob the shavings) he shout up the stai “ Hello, n—it is so the brief idiom of the English permit one to make quick work of M. Danmanning, the minister of Finance—* Hello, Dan, the bone peddler is arrive!” “Tt is very well. Demand him what pay he for the bones, this morning.” “One and half cents the pound—two cents for the bones of shin.” Then M. Dan, in rubbing the fore head and throwing the eyes on the floor, said to himself with a calmness, ‘two from two and a half lets nothing.” At which, hold- ing up the eyes, he, with a loud distinction of voice and the face all in red, cri “He shall get up more early before he shall steal me the treasury with my open eye: That he git prettydamquic Last Sunday, M. ‘The Secretary of the Marines, enter the Cabinet shop, which no sooner M. Grover perceives that he had dressed himself with a new over-alls while he remembered well that he had the Sunday before advised the Secretary a good patch on the back of the hinesides to make, that the old over alls might endure all’ summer. erday, while | ng which the good Chief Mi ghin ith gentleness, demanded whether that ‘ jefferson might not turn round his grave to behold a such extravagance! It was, if I deceive not, but the next morning when the Chevalier Bayard, being in the habit to walk out of bed very late, entered not the Cabinet shop till 5 o'clock in the a, M., and when he found that which ries the grub (dinnerkittle) of Honorable arland to bang at the peg of him, the Chevalier, he gently kicked thereof, and in spilling the same revealed one roast’ possum nd one bottle whiskey w, whereof at which M. Bayard bended up the nose with a great despise. Beholding which, M. | Honorable Garland mounted to the legs and cried in raging the : Orchard! none of your very first family airs onto Arkansaw if you don’t want to wake snakes and alliga- tors.”” But in this place M. Lamar, ¢ y of | the Insides, interpose himself and laying hold their necks of both in rear, peacefully | pr them the heads together and recon- cile them one to the other, But, with a unintention very sad, he, in making the reconcile, made likewise to tear in great extent the shirt of the back of the Chevalier, and now Honorable Garland being General of the Attorneys, they of Delaware have fear that he may forbid (veto) M. Danmanning to appropriate the Chevalier anew shirt from the ‘Treasury. But of the other hand, a news paper of Washington informs that the Supreme | Judges of the Court have decided that M. | the Chevalier’s shirt shall be amended by the Constitution, When I inquired the Col. Wagonhorse that the before accounts shall in all parts be | true, he, after that he had laughed with gistrate, in | great roar, respon¢ “Allright Freshy. Swallow tout that. It will do you plus good than un dose of salts,” It is in hearing so encourageous words that one flatters one to go head next time. FRESCHEMILQUE, OFF THE BENCH A PUTATIVE PHILOSOPHER remarks that “mystery is another name for our igno- ranc ‘Then “mystery” and “ philoso- phy” are exact synonyms. A Frencn paren denies that this country has invented one single thing of national benefit. It evidently has never heard of roller-skates and gin-cocktails, Ix aprors ional slugger as palwontologist to the U.S. geological sur- vey the authorities recognised the value of an expert student of a ‘ bunch of bones.” ING a profe Tue cram that Maud S, has scored the fastest quarter is disputed by the dissolute youth who ‘ blowed in” his three month’s allowance within an hour after its receipt from wher. “THAT THE INFLUENCE of the women of one generation is apparent in the men and women of the next isa rule universally rec- ed.” The survival of the slipper 1 the ages is evidence. ogni thro A MonE-on-Less courted young lady de- clares that she isn’t so much interested in the “ Rise of Silas Lapham ” as in the lap of some Silas Ris'em, who will come up to the p comotive pop-valve. Twinkle, twinkle, little star, How I wonder wh To wink twelve hours in a boiling night And scem to treat the thing so light ly! curb. comicbooks.com