Judge — September 12, 1885 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. ON THE ROAD. “So much for Migg,” said Josh Brown, continuing the narrative of his experience as employe of the firm of Migg & Miggles, ‘* Now ve youa pointer or two about the other partner. Miggles nk chump. He was possessed of about as much brains as a Little Neck clam and the amount of the man’s pretension to intelle was inversely proportioned to the square of what he actually posse in the line of wi You see I have it down fine. Listen to th “The foreman of the factory—Miggles took general charge of the manufacturing—the foreman came to his desk one morning and re- ported that the trimming department was in need of some black satin They kindly asked me to join the party, and having at the timeas it happened, asuflicient quantity of self denial about my clothes, Laccepted. I could not, however, refrain from expressing surprise that Mr. Miggles should have so far deviated from the habits of his life as to consent to go to such a performance, | Then it transpired that the old man had consented only after he had received an assurance from the manager, that nothing which could possibly offend the sensibilities of the most fas- tidious person, shotild occur on the night Mr. Miggles and his friends should honor the theatre, to finish an order that I had taken a day or two before. the order perfectly. called the ** Patti,” a ver: material w: vas for a great gross of coffins of a style French pattern originated by myself. ent medicine ad. insertion, a superb material which fell rythmic tones over the scherzo in a beautiful decresendo. A lining nized Wamsutta corderoy, brocaded richly and finished at the i vone Jack of the finest texture, made the dandy ms with a piping of I little box look as pretty as a chromo. . Mr. Miggs wro senger boy. But all this is neither here an order for the goods and called Mr. Miggles displayed a little temper, for he didn’t like advice, and marked crabbedly ““* Why didn’t you find that out before? The order is made out and it goes, I don’t need your advice.’ *©*The man vanished. Mig- gies added a line or two to the order and sent the boy off, cau- tioning him earnestly to avoid if possible being run over by the clevated railroad. I met the kid as he left the office and took the memorandum out of his hand. You see, I was specially interested in the matter, the sale being mine, and I wanted to make sure that the old man had sent for the right material. Now, what doyou suppose I found the old fool had written? It read like this: . Please deliver at our fac- tory 12 pes. Black camel's hair satin same as bill of April 25th. Mica & Micotes. Pr. Since writing the above I learn that we have enough of these goods in stock, there- | fore please consider the above order cancelled. A. S, MicGues. “Well, he was a blooming idiot,” Cusby remarked. ‘‘ Let us have a little more Miggles, Josh. ‘“*T had a letter from him once while I was on the road,” Josh continued, “ the postscript of which amused me somewhat. You sce the old rooster always dressed with the greatest care in under- lined black and looked on all occasions like the front section of the day of judgment. He was so scrupulous about his appearance that no living man ever saw him without his coat. Now, this was what I found at the end of his letter: “«P, S$. [hope you will excuse me for writing you in my shirt sleeves. The weather is unbearably warm.’ “T remember, too, the N. B., to my answer: ‘« «Were it not a pressing matter, Mr. Miggles, I would post- | pone answering your letter for a few hours, my breath being some- what odorous, attributable to the fact that I have been partaking freely of boiled onions. I offer apologies.’ ” Didn’t the old ham get onto the fact that you were guying him, Josh?” I asked. “*Not much he didn’t, Lang. When I saw him next he gra- ciously accepted my apology, merely cautioning me to be more careful in the future. ** But I must tell you about one bad break he made that strack me as being particularly rich. ‘The old chap rarely went to the theatre and only to the best performances, but one night he took in | a minstrel show. You see, he had two nieces visiting him from out of town, and a lively pair they were, too. I knew the girls, and when calling one night, wes informed that they fad per- I remember | The black camel’s hair satin cut decollete and fluted and_pic- colocd in thesuburbs, About amidships was arranged a symphonie largo the mes- 8 he was handing the order to the lad the foreman re- entered hurriedly and stated that he had found in stock enough of gros-grained satinet to finish the lot, and the goods being, as you fel- lows know, very similar, he advised that the order should not be sent. suaded their uncle to take them toa burnt-cork entertainment. This assurance was a part of the answer to a letter written by Miggles, wherein he stated that he proposed, in company with some ladies, to attend the performance on a certain eve- ning, and he requested that the manager would guarantee that nothing calculated to bring the blush of shame to the cheek of modesty should occur, Well, we went to that show and occupied abox. ‘The curtain rang up and discovered the usual semi-circle of performera, and that part of the programme which is devoted to jokes, bal- lads and choruses commenced. Everything went along smoothly until Bones, starting to his feet, addr the middleman thus: “Mr, Johnsing, did I ever tell you how my yaller dog—’ “ «VTus-s-s-sh, Billy Bones. You mustn’t tell that story to- night.’ ““sAnd why not, Mr. John- sing?’ asked the end man in surprige. “« Why,’ in a loud whisper, “don’t you know Mr. Miggles is here? ’—nodding in the direction of our party. ‘'There’s a flea in that story and fleas are barred.” “Bones visage assumed an I’ m-g oi ng-to-ge t-licked-after- school expression and he sat down while the crowd tittered and gazed intelligently at Mr. M., who sat inthe front of the box, dignified and stately. **The middle man then an- nounced the pathetic ballad ‘ Father's Pants will soon be Brothers’s, and the baritone started in with a song, the words of which ran something like this: we of } or re- en at each fold et be half-soled, were very bad, “+My trowsers we: And And ast Dut pants re-ses ve used in patches mai Tor fterw “Bang, went the bass-drum and the other instruments set up a fearful discord. “© What's the matter with you fellows? ’ exclaimed the soloist angrily, when the din had subsided. ‘I sang that all right. I’ve given you the same racket every night this week.’ “«* Yes,’ explained the middle man in a loud undertone,’ but you forget Mr. Miggles is here, and no word calculated to “bring the blush of shame to the check of modesty must be used to night. “The audience caught on again and roared while the singer sat down with an apology to Mr. Johnsing, but with his eyes on M. “The latter didn’t even then appreciate that he was being guyed, evidently taking the changes made in the programme as a tribute to his greatness, and would have undoubtedly sat through the whole evening had’ not the young ladies, by persistent and pathetic urging, succeeded in getting him to leave. “As we passed out of the auditorium, we heard Johnsing say: “*Now, Bones, you can tell that dog story, Miggles has gone.” “A pleasant man that Johnsing,’ said Miggles as we drove homewards. ‘I really must ask him todinner.’” L. L. LANG. =) J comicbooks.com