Judge — September 5, 1885 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. WORS THAN THE MEASL The German Policeman Moralizes Over the Love of Change. «Py Chiminy Hooky!” said the German policem empty mansions on Second Avenue near St. Marks Place, last week. ‘* How dem beeple All dose folks vot sto do oxcebt tancing und flirt- nd trinking, und eading, und quarrel ing py der vinter dime, are now ying all dose dings py der Der — surroundings ¢ deeferent, dem dink dem got into new peezness, al- blacksmith; disgoosting fer to snobs laving their foine cool houses in the summer to go and pack themselves into little match-box rooms bethe sayshore joost for fast ake. It'makes & com-mer-nist av me to see sich waste and squanderin’. ” Mine frent,” said the Ger- man; ‘How do you know vot kind of b Jem beeple got py der seashore? “Oi was there, soor, at Cooney Oisland and Oi saw thim there, sorr.”” “Hat Hat You vos there. And vot did you vent for? ” “Oi wint fer to take the mis nd the childer, sorr, to p say air.” Oh, hat Iv' see thin t ha!” said the po- liceman, leaning against a lamp- post and fairly shaking his sides. **Okskgoose me, my frent; oh, he! he “If you knew how loikea baboon you lnk whin yé laugh, ye’d quit, my German friend.” “So, you vos py der sca-site, too, ain’t it? the policeman inquired. ‘In sbite uf der disgoostingness uf it, you vent also, pe- sides, eh? Vell, now, you shall see how plind you are vot you can’d see der end uf your nose in front. Dem rich beeples go und growd in vat you call dem metch By Jclian Ralph, Actbor of the “Soa's” “German Barber,” Ete. | poxes, und shday all summer; but you as he looked at the long line of can’d’ afford dot so you go py der same | shtop py der pig hotel. | blaces and sit py der sand. and shday all day. You look mit der rich beeple und say ‘uch, vot a heab uf fools to make owd uf | yourselfs sardines.’ Dem look py you und | say ‘Ach! Vot a chack tonkey to leaf a shmit shop und sit py der sand | But you are on bote sites happy—-bappy in being by der seasite, und happy in dinking somepoddy else vos a fool. Vell, now, oben your ear und hear some visdom. Der rich und der boor in dia vorlt are like der organ grinder’s monkey—all looking for change. “Der nicest hoase py Nye Yorick gids diresome uf you shday too long by it. Der | sands uf Coney Island seem nice to der boor man until he gets money to go und | Der brisoner for life in Plackveli’s Island dinks how pully it vould peen to go to Sing Sing for a veek. Der minisder vants a shange—yet, some- dimes, not so much as der gongregation does. | Lager peer tond daste any pedder in Hoboken as it does py N Yorick und yet yesterday und sat all day in dot Baris uf New Chersey und mate myselluf pelieve der beer tasted pedder. Condentment isa ding ve dalk apowd, but ve neffer know vot it is to have it. You dink your neighpor has got some, he dinks you are het ofer heels in it, und yet I know you ain’d got a’ dea- spoonful pedween you. Con- dentment, _ itsselluf, vont achange. Vechase ic from to coundry, from von peez- ness to anoder, from shildhood to olt age und from pedder to vorse. It’s like gatching eels mit your fing *Oh, I got it—no, it has shlipped avay,’ ve cry. Ve are told it vill seddle down in Heffen, I shood dink it vood peen dired enough py dot dime to dake a goot long rest. “Ve got to haf a change in efferydings. A new tune comes on my post mit a hand organ und all der growd runs afder der Eye-dalian brofessor mit heabs of bennies. Negst month comes arount der same man und I dink ‘ah, vot bennies dot bretty new tune vill gt” —but no! der growd rushes owd again mit gries uf ‘go ’vay! go ’vay! For Heffun’s sake, shdop dot vrightful old tune.” Change, change, Mr. Reilly, dot’s more uf a disease as der measels. Veall uf us got it. It growds der theatres, keebs der divorce courts busy, makes der dailors rich and sends a half a million Chermans like me und Irish- mans like you avay from home und reladifs todry our luck agross der sea.” OFF THE BENCH. A CoAL DEALER is not at all like a tons o’erial artist. Ie is musical so far as under- tuns are concerned, From some ProrLe’s impervionstess to a joke you might infer that they belong to adouble-skull race —if they weren’t so slow. Joacim MILLER says that “that no man ever wrote anything good on an empty The nearest any one comes to doing that is parchment. stomach.” We wouLp MiLpLy hint that it is time for the western paragrapher to taper off on in- cidents occurring in Broadway omnibusses. | They are worse than chestnuts, | paper talks about. They have been going down for along time, we observe, though we haven't declined any ourselves. he angel Gabriel if he Cyrus W. Field toa New “T wou were to call,” said ly-sealed remains. Wall street welcomes substantial men from the York reporter, when he returned from Eng- | land. Cyrus will find out some time that he can’t bluff in that game. Itay’s new big iron-clad is named Mo- rosini. Mrs, Shilling’s father ought to feel consoled for the family disgrace of that coachman escapade. Our government, we be way. anner, is going into Wall street with his well-packed bundle. The boys will soon make Armour, THE millionaire Chicago meat- | ve, has not recognized the affair in any | n=" There, 90 washed, do, you dirty be Bov—" Oh, ys, git me face rasht, I know teat your objec is, Yer want W use up the water 80's they'll hace to build another aqueduck and father wilt lt git your face “THE DECLINE IN EATABLES,” a trade | meat of him and dance the can-can over his | get a jo.” comicbooks.com