Judge — August 29, 1885 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

———! A LIVE Paury From E © Please examin hove (to Cus this friend of mine to see if he has OFF om House Officer) — any contraband goods about or in his person.’ OFF THE BENCH. No Man h of Cotopaxi. ever looked into the crater We have looked into the cra- ter of Talmage. Potators NAVE human nature in them, The starch-makers say the smallest ones have in them the most capacity for becoming stiff and stuck up. A CONTEMPORARY ask “Ww is the difference between a man and a pitcher?” If the man is an umpire the difference is sometimes very serious. Curtep MAPLE is only an accidental Here I swelter and smelt, And simmer and melt, the mercury kicking the ceiling, T cannot retreat From the murderi Faith! the Boss must think I have no feeling He's down on the beach, Every comfort in reach, In the surf and the sea-breeze disporting, While I'm cookin In this blistering town, For his confounded paper reporting. brown He's got all the girls— Society's pearls!— ‘ot a one has he left for a frolie;— If he kisses Ire Or embraces Helene, May he die with the cucumber colic! He goes to the ball With the fairest of all, Or flies o'er the billows a oes for a rid With her by his side, Down tne beach or the boulevard trotting— form of sugar maple, in which the grain is contorted. Crooked maple sugar must be made from this tree. Wittiam =D. Howernis says that no woman can live in the same house with a geniui We have twenty-five years of ex- perience to the contrary. Some or tie visitors to the quies took aws | New York dece This is carrying mourning too far, abstractly to western ations as Two Lapiers have started a paper in In- diana name the //usfler, Would not The A REPORTORIAL SQUEAL, ) Bustler have been a more appropriate name? Think of a lady’s having her d embonpoint behind with Hustlers! 8 made LUCOSE Is MADE from linen rags. 1 is clothed in purple and fine linen she should be “too sweet for any- thing. Socrates drank hemlock and killed him- self, In these days men drink no end of tan bark in beer and thrive on it. And yet some hygenic cranks insist that the race is deteriorating in physical endurance. “Mrs. Ciree-sustice Wate from London to a friend in Washington that The Juper is Mrs. C-J. W. is quite right. It is not weakly, but daily that THe June 80 to speak. writes owing younger daily. lescentin, Du. Stemenpy, of Vienna, who published a book of for climbing the | Alps with safety, has tumbled off one of m—Alps, not books—and broke his neck. Tle ought to have instituted this test of his theories before publishing them. directions It was a touching and daring act of | affection, when those poor little boys in Omaha who hadn't any presents to take toa wedding of a dear friend, broke into a church and carried off the communion ser- vice. Chance for the poets and Sunday- school book makers. A Montana paren brags of a gang of | cowboys who branded ninety-two calves in forty-nine minutes. ’S nothing. An un- pretentious German on a Sunday excursion up the American Rhine beered 650 animals in sixty minutes; he could have brandied | them in less time. While here I must stay All the blistering day— No odds whether of not I am able— And scamper around Until T have found A fact—or a suitable fable, If I were the prop. Of a newspaper shop, T'd show all the boys that I'm human, And give aste O' the watery waste, With a chance at the waist of a woman And if they would ride, Or through the surf glide, Or dance till the dawn of the morning, Do it they should And T bet you I would Never temper their fun with a warning.” But as it can’t be, Only this hope 1 see— And I bid you it all to remember— That after this year, If we ore still | y will come ‘round in December! PHILISTINE. Old Ju comicbooks.com |