Judge — August 29, 1885 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

TEE JUDGE. A FRONTIER WIDOW. =n : i fl shifting circle’s poin love the West, must be hand to please, s life here unblessed, At first ours was a harder Than idte girl would wish, ar wheat in d dined from a sing My husband tumbled in as} But they saved my good m ate rought me a Berkshire sow Why, I've had four or five The third was by a blizzard caught, When home the neighbors brought it, It had flown The German policeman takes no stock in proverbs. Tle says that thes called | Awotter be thetereer ute “truths in popular form Oa bisway to Deadwastiown are most of them falsehoods, Had p I probality, the trath is annot understani great many of them bee: | they ure idiomatic or purely | What is the use of trying to yet one who does not clearly understand | the E one road agent “hold him up” “And another shoot him down, ays of Heaven abt! are well aware, ximan White "winked ont,” zht the ‘hoppers day and night, precia senter Tset the world by ULIAN RALPH. acon A bird in the hand i 16 iat oa Unis X : 7a. in, the “band 1 farm unpatched AUTHOR or THE SUMS we hgh Nene Titta heat | “al cureabiecaitoglel: tm GERMAN BARBER™EN loads?” My friend, tis is your second eall, Dot’s all humbucks,” 4 Out here we travel quick he, ‘der only ding to lift a hefty load mit is a Chon [, Sullivan muscle.” sates eee “Dake care by dem bennies und der dollars vill dook care by demselfs,” he, with | ScOcaT FATTER! De corn.“ Chiminy Hooky! how rich I vould be if dot broverb verdrue. Der firsd dime I dook care uf der bennies [ put der dollars ina leedle peezness und my vicked bardner clobed mit dem. Negst, [ dook care uf some more bennies und put der dollars in at baper. I vish, now, dot [had laid dem ona vinder in der Stock Exshange. Dot vood haf der same ding been <wicker und less drubble. young Wanderbild, der dollars are not so aple to dake « re. Nopody vill prake into your house, or dry und sell you a_leedle r knock you oud und rop you, or set her eap und marry you, or fight ofer your lasd vill und destermint, or do bunko peezness mit you, for der sake of gildi bennies. But choost let der vorld know you haf got some dollars und you vill peen shmarderas lam if yon can keeb ’em, Nine hundert und ninety-one beo| effery dousand vot know it vill sday avake nighds blanning some vay for you to get rid uf em und you haf got to be more or less uf aChay ( “You can’d a silk purse make owd uf a sow's ear'—a goot many beoples say. do dem got mat at somepoddy, but dot ton‘d broof anydings | owd nsd a sow’s car, yet alretty. You can‘d make a boddle uf ink owd uf a sow’s ear, or «house und lot; but’ at der same dime you got to haf a sow's ear or two to. make a sow (of course you sow mitout dot but it vill not pass a civil service oxamination) und a sow is more asasilk purse any day. In faed, a silk burse all py. its-selluf voodn’t kecb a man any longer as pedween gitting up und preakfast dime. A man might as vell dry to lif on a goat-uf-arms.” “ Would you care abont being beautiful? ” a man said to the German policeman once, and this is his account of the conversation that followed: “Vota gwestion,” sayt I.‘ Lvill dell you brifately Lam gwide boodiful, alretty.” “Ach,” sayt he; * beandy is only cep.” ** Buh, dot’s anoder uf dem Baits vieh effery poddy ha mont. [vas so mat I could haf hit him, if he hat peen shmaller as myself. Effer sinz I saw a bicture uf Mr, Holman uf Indiana I dought he in- wended dot broverb, C! ¥ y! if such beauty vos more as shkin deep it vood kill him. Not condent mit bein P| vs eter in der vorlt, he addacks beauty. “Beauty is only skin deep, ch?’ Vell, how deep do you vant it? Vould my face be | any more bedder if der beauty uf it vent glean to der back uf my head. No; it’s deep enough if beople admit dem ‘can see it. Mrs, Langtry knows dot. I know of only von kind uf beanty vich neets to be deeper und dot’s der ‘beauty ufa fat vooman in a Powery museum, If a fat vooman’s beauty is fife fect deep it is vorth dwendy dollars a veck more PET as if it vos only dree feet deep. Neffer mind der broverb. You are lucky to be boodiful und all the vorit vill helf you, esbecially if dem dink you ton’d know it. ‘Our beaudy is Democracy—"' Arrah, me p like our shmardness; it changes to someding else 80 gwick as ve boast uf it.” knovring how ita mexilf that lovee OUR MIsstonantes in Central Africa re- port that the : pred a native beer that is a prophylatie s alaria. Mis- save denieel tens de esat home can drink beer without mining}! reck names to it, What will re- I missionaries drink when they get where there is no malaria to hedge behind! BROOD OF BLACK BIRDS. tty equate it’ welt comicbooks.com