Judge — August 22, 1885 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE POETRY OF SUMMER, Ob, Muse, come down With laurel crown, And place it on the poet’s brow; He's bound to write A verse ere night, And by the gods he don't know how, Because the heat, In ho nd street, Has melted all his thoughts sublime; He cannot shine In measured i And all his work is sunstruck rhyme. The bh has spared not one Of all his inspirations deep, Although he tried, Refore they died, To put them all on ice to keep ered sun THE MUSE. Go to, go to! Teannot do x. dear sir, you ask of me, asweat— This Muse is on ah. 0. t. (Merchant Traveller, OYEZ! OYEZ! IT HAS ITS DRAWDACKS. “There is pleasure in the pathless wood A pleasure that their sweet sec Bat not for him, who, sion grants, n their solitudes, Sits down upon a colony of ants, MOSQUITO TIME Who stsys at home is fre Or nearly so: he But he who These mosquitos free in of sen: mps in groves or near the sea ts, must suffer agony in tents [Boston ( Saloon-keepers are pocts—don’t they rye ‘ockton Maverick. The pretty girl behind a calico counter in a fashionable dry-goods store is a print-sis of the realm.—[ Merchant Traveller, ‘The Prince of Wales calls his new brother- in-law a “dirty Dutch beggar.” Evidently the Prince is not anxious to secure the Ger- man vote.— [Merchant Traveller. A Washington woman who has had large experience among ot ekers_ is about to write a temperance tale called, ‘Ten Knights in a Bar-room.—[Wash. Hatchet The Mohammedans have ninety-nine names for God, but no Mohammedan ever uses all of them until he mashes his finger in tacking down carpet. {Newman Independent. A manufacturer of glass eyes says that his products are now so skillfully made as to defy detection, ven the wearers of the glass eyos can’t see through the deception. [Chicago 4 “A St. Louis bride i ys an excha rushing things, ain’t it?— seventeen pairs of ‘That’s_ rather St. Panl Herald. Stockton teacher to boy in grammar class —John, correct the following sentence: Itare very cold.” John, as he wipes the perspiration from his forehead with his shirt-sleeve—It are durned hot [Stockton Maverick. As an ex-pugilist stepped on the top of a ladder to enter a shaft, he was struck with apoplexy. ‘The coroner’s jury returned the “edger. THE JUDGE. verdict in the first round, by apoplex [Stoc' ‘on Maverick, Sara Bernhardt’s robe-di cently made into soup. it for a piece of maccaroni. [St. Paul Herald. A printer who was shown a craz wus innoce ntly asked how it got so b “pied.” Printers “pi,” it may be nece sary to explain for the benefit of some per- sons, is a confused mass of type. [Norristown Herald. ‘hambre was re- The chef mistook Philadelphia has an Indian barber, A ‘*tonsorial artist of the red man_ persuasion knows how to remove “dandruff,” but the fact that he takes the scalp with it may in- terfere some’ with his trade, [Norristown Herald, A New York doctor says we take too m: baths and keep too clean to be health: It is inferred that he has been making a di- agnosis of alive tramp. A tramp is never sick, never bathes, and is always provided with an appetite as voracious as a steam saw mill.—[Norristown Herald. In a New York lace house the girl clerks, ng suspected of little thefts, organized a ance committee and soon discovered the The girls thought it was enough to bear the burden of ice-cream jokes without being accused of stealing, this hot weather.—[Wash. Hatchet. Clergyman (on his way from church to the son of a parishioner rather addicted to hunting on) Sunday—* My little boy, I didn’t bur father at. church this. mor- ning; Lam afraid he does not fear God. Your hen— Oh, yes, I guess he does; he took his gun with him this morning. [Chicago Ledger. A young lady at New London, Conn., has trained her pug dog to lick postage stamps for her. It is the opinion of Prof. Huxley and other scientists that a dude might be taught to perform a similar service; though it must be confessed that some dudes don’t look as if they possessed suflicient strength to lick a postage stamp. [Norristown Herald. Miss Coshannigan— is a schooner?” Flipkins—“* Eh? Oh, it’s a—I_ beg don, | mean—a two masted sailing vesse! Miss Coshannigan—-‘ Ah, thanks.” Flipkins—“ Are you interested in yacht ing, Clairetta?” Miss C.—'No. I merely wanted to know what schooners are. Mr. Sharp said you could navigate more schooners across the bar without getting wrecked than any other man he knew.”—[Lynn Union. Tle in the habit of coming home eve night at two o’clock in the morning. Sh grew weary of this and rendered his la ch- key uscless by locking the front door. He was obliged to ring the bell. and was horror- stricken, when his wife appeared at the win- dow and murmured: ‘Go awa expect my husband home every moment.” Ile has become very domesticated since. [Boston Gazette. SKITS FROM SOMERESVILLE, “ All men are liars,” said the Psalmist. This is the only trustworthy evidence that we have that the Psalmist live in Chicago. We hear a good deal said about the quick- “Mr, Flipkins, what “We find that Jim was knocked out | George, 1} ness of Trish wit, strange that an things? but after all Irishman is it should say Catching flies was the favorite amusement of the Empercr Domitian. Muffing them seems to be the favorite amusement of the Boston base-ball nine this year. “© A baby’s arms encircle the world the proverb man of the Merchant Traveller. We nave noticed that a baby usually gets the earth, when its grandmother is around. “ Are they fit?” Iy queries the head- lines of a ubiquitous advertisement. If the adviser means the battle of the Revolution we unhi pply they are, ‘The were fit some time ago. There are thirteen widows living on one strect about three hundred yards long in Americus, Ga. Tne city authorities pro- pose to put up ateach end of the street a sign “ Dangerous Passing.” There is a well-grounded suspicion in Boston that the band which peratmbulates the streets to advertise the base-ball games is composed of the members of the Boston ise-ball nine in disguise. Color is lent to this suspicion by the fact that they play so badly. FASHION NOTES, White serge for bathing suits is a favorite with young ladies. ‘The briny surge is like- wise én regle. Cuss words are now trimmed with sheol edging. Damnation language is still painted a vivid red. The front-gate kiss has given place to the ide osculation. It makes a very pretty trimming for small talk Very stylish ¢ete-a-fetes are composed of mashed dude, trimmed with ice-creamed dudeen.—[ Washington Hatchet. Tow sweet on When flower To sit with your Upon her brown stone stoop. “Tis hard, and likewise guilty But what care you for that? ui love -and, if she's thoughtful, mat mer evenit slumber droop, Jored one Perch And thin But cold uh For her sa ti . Will not bear [Boston Gazette, “TL DONT WANT RELIEF, BUT CURE,” | is the exclamation of thousands suffering | from catarrh. ‘To all such we s: Catarrh can be cured by Dr. Sage’s Catarrh Remedy. It has been done in thousands of cance; why not in yours? Your danger is in Enclose a stamp to World’s Dispen Medical Association, Buffalo, N. ¥ pamphlet on this disease, de A question that has ag for years is about to be decided by a court of competent jurisdiction. It is the ques- tion of how low a low-necked dress may be worn, New York lady attended a ball, and was expelled by the management on the ground that her dress was too low in the neck, and she has brought suit for damages, ed the country comicbooks.com