Judge — August 8, 1885 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The bright-plumed turkey buzzards light upon my window sill, The soft-voiced crows fly in and out with soul-entrancing trill, The radish trees above my porch their colored fruits disp Potatoes in my orchards hang, and beet-vines shade the way We'll dig tomatoes from the earth, our pickaxe swung with skill, Scratch up the plums from out their nests beneath the shad Pluck golden carrots from their vines—o'er many a trellis flung— And climb for parsnips high o‘erhead on walls and hedges hung. ‘The Holstein hog with bushy tail, with sleck and glossy coat Shall with the guinea hens and chicks upon the lakelet float; The Poland China breed of cows—with down as soft as silk— Shall some give butter, some sweet cream, and others buttermilk, Our short-horn hens, our Guernsey goats with closely curling tai Our Conestoga geese which mount the clouds in es, Our Devon donkeys—curly-horned—our Cotswold ducks and drakes That sing their soothing, soulful songs in woods and ferny brakes THE JUDGE. 5 SOTA TTR sania) AARP Ae The singi shall on the mantel strut, i SOIENTIFIC:DOMESTIO. WARFARE, The children dig with ra A hoes the three-pronged hazel-nut; | c rg Well pick the oats and soft-shelled whe rly golden morn, Husk out the beets, pull up the pears, and thi Indian corr \ k downy feathers from our sheep when r days oppress, my-souled distress; rn the geese to swim, the lambkins how to dive, ching colts as fast as they arrive | Consider this pure list of joys, learn country love from me, \| Mayhap, some day, a husbandman as knowledgeous you'll be; \| It takes a gum clastic brain, a hundred acre | | ‘To understand each in and out, each complicated part, | Of all required to make complete the granger’s usetul art ‘Thank Heaven, I've mastered all its lore, have triumphed fears, And carned the joys which nickle-plate my coming farmer yearst | 1. &, JONES, | Breaking up a Setting Hen. Having always lived in the city, my knowledge of the hen had been confined chiefly to the post mortem condition; and like most other city men, I had come to consider her a tough case. But since coming to the country I find that this toughness of the body is only a faint reminder of the iron-clad will which governed it. 1 refer now more especially to the first hen I undertook to break ‘* Colonel where are you going?” | up”—the speckled one with the lop comb, She remained on the | It was my friend Cofonel Andrew, who was advancing now by nest so faithfully that I couldn’t help commending her industry: the right flank now by the left flank, in a way that suggested deep but my neighbor—old Dobson—told me she was setting and I had || strategy. ; better“ break her up.” He then gave me some suggestions which “Tam moving upon my house,” he replied in a basso-profundo | | acted upon forthwith. | tone. ‘I have been celebrating our old victories with the boys. I Dobson told me that imprisonment is too mild for bad cases and | amequal to it; 1 am equal to it,” he added fiercely. I had better try the cold bath. ‘The apparatus for this experiment “Is your wife in town, Colonel?” is very simple, being merely a hen and a bucket of water. She went “Hush!” he said. ‘Don’t spoil my game.” I knew that the jin without protest, but as she came out I thought there was a Colonel, though a tyrant over his soldiera, did not dare tosay that dozen of her. 1 wiped off my shirt front, wrung out my coat-tails | his soul was his own in presence of his better half. and removed and carefully emptied my shoes. Next day I bought “You're not going to move directly on the enemy’s works, a new hat, but about two months later I found the old one in the | Colonel?” cherry tree. It is rather the worse for exposure, but will do to | ‘No, no,” he said, advancing by acute angles. ‘I’ve tried di- gerub around home in. rect assaultson Theresa before; it’s no use; it is suicide now-a-days As the beth didn’t work a cure (and I have since learned that to try to carry intrenched positions by assault.” it seldom does) I placed an old dripping pan under a soap box and ‘What's your new plan, Colonel?” As I spoke, I smoothed compelled the hen to stand in about two inches of water. Daring down a lamp-post for him to lean against. the day the thermometer crawled up to ninety-five degrees, and “Scientific warfare!” ho whispered. ‘I’m going to capture when I returned at night hot and cross, the cool and airy appear- the fort by regular approaches, zigeags and parallels. It takes ance of the hen excited my wrath. One kick at the box and she longer, but itis the only safe mode. ‘Theresa’s blood is too much was on the nest again. I limped rather perceptably for a day or like mine. You can’t capture her by a coup-de-main. But zig- two after, but it was nothing serious. zags and parallels will do the busin At the last moment I She was not disturbed again that night, but next morning I shall summon her to surrender, and if she refuses—” Ilis face as- proceeded to apply the “stick cure.” Seated on the wheelbarrow sumed an expression of bloodthirsty fury, that gradually changed with the hen between my knees, I began to bind two little sticks into a look of deep perplexi “*Great Heavens!” he added. to her legs in such a manner, that being unable to bend them (the | ‘What shall I do if she refuse: legs) she could not proceed with her work. I got one nicely on, and | COUNT TATTER DE MALION. congratulated myself that this little scheme would do the business. __ Suddenly there was a general convulsion; and when I came tol Improved Agriculture. was puzzled to know which was myself and which the wheelbarrow. pa I now became desperate, and had recourse to sticks, stones, brick- RESPECTFULLY INSCRINED TO THE INSTITUTE FARMERS’ CLUB, NEW yonK. bats and whatever I could lay my hands on. ‘The hen, of course, i escaped to a safe distance. [ wish Icould say as much for the eggs, Ob: herpy, the On, happy dayl replete-with every:charm| When I next entered the barn the incubation was going merrily ve piasoed to heave the city § stiness, end bought & lovely: faim, onat about seventeen knots an hour. The hen appeared as if ‘Where underneath my turnip. tres, Ul Jesd a usef i nothing had happened, and there was a far-away look in her eye as And cultivate my cabbage vines, far, far from city strife though she could already see her future brood manipulating the ise gorgeous Kan, tat Sieg ant hoy shall ehiees ie! with hes Say, truck garden, I scized an ax and started to renew the fight, but The little calves (in colored hose) about my parlor play, wiser counsels prevailed and I retired. The hawks and eagles in my yard soothe all with gentlest song, Finally, the hen wasn’t “broke ap.” "I was. R. Mona | And pumpkin trees their branches tall wave o'er me all day long. comicbooks.com