Judge — August 1, 1885 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

NoT RDY nd “Td be most deeply. gra Tam besct with awful fe Ob dear, it is too hateful ently he her foot relieved, And from her prison cleft ber, Then saying, Miss, tar—tai she with blush and tears, ful! Ti * received Mer ths ped sadly left hi ‘The . happy maiden, The aiden, ho! the dainty maiden and the tar! OFF THE BENCH. “Orr COLUMN ”—more — back- bone in our public men. WANT ‘Text for anthracite of the transgressor is lealors—“ The weigh hard. oon many federal officials are getting into reduced circumstances, Is THERE No air-break that can be ap- plied to long-winded speakers? Is acommon sort of man like sui- ‘ause he’s a fellow, d’e see? Wy cide?" AN AGENT'S sign near a_ strect-cleaner’s dump-scow on the East River reads with literalness, l estate for sail.” Why pors no public benefactor found an asylum for the in Sanctumns and pulpits are inadequi ane? e. “THE QUESTION OF THE DAY ”—Is this hot enough for you? The ditto of the night—How did the thermometer stand to- day? FiGs Ane not sweetened to preserve them, Johnny; they are only dried up in their own sugar, like elderly maidens. The worms are planted in them later. Some rersons think that Queen Victoria THE JUDGE. GALLANTRY, She walked along the pavement,—they Were patehing up the street, — Her gaiters made his thoughts to stray, ‘They were so small and neat. She wanted o'er the street to pass, And, looking at the sky, She stepped right down upon a mass Of melted tar, Ob, my! Phe merry, merry maiden, The very merry (2) maiden, "the merry maiden and the tar! ried to lift her foot so small, From out the horrid stuff, But did it comet ob, not at all! She wept; that was enough: He, seeing how the land did lay, Did raise to her his hat, And stammered, “ Miss —beg pardon—may, Lift you—out of that? wailing maiden, woe struck maiden, 1g. hot the lovely maiden and the tar! ok Dear reader, I suppose you 1 These two were very slow, And should have caused their lives to link Like novels, don’t you know, But she is now a tall old mai With curls in spiral falls, And tho’ fair Hymen’s debt Ile very oft recalls Of how this slim, old maiden Was once a lovel; And of the time s paid maiden, aved her from the tar! | would lose her crown if she should | again. ‘This is not so, but she would be sus- pected to have lost her head. | arry | THEY GoT up an enthusiastic celebration at the openin, of Niagara Waterfall, but it is unpleasant to think how much of it was inspired by some other liquids pouring down, IkvING 1s going to print a treatise on “The Art of Acting.” It would have a better influence, if any, to instruct in the | Art of refraining from acting. It is a long- felt want. A street 1N Newport is called ‘* Purga- tory Road.” It would be a more appropri- ate road at Sharon, Charon rowed every- body to purgatory formerly he Styx to it yet. nd we presume A LapY writer discourses of ‘* wastes of the kitchen.” We'd like to hear from her— her husband on that question, unless he has tapered off and no longer embraces the kitchen department in his researches. Prestpent Wurte, of Cornell University, |has propounded the extraordinary theory | that a college president should have scholar- | ship as well as executive ability. We are left in doubt as to what use he has for the | former. | Erastus Bnooxs cstimates that twenty- 3 five millions of dollars unsuccessful daily newspapers in this city in his time. his is nothing to the millions that have been wasted in publishing suc- cessful ones. e been sunk upon Miss Cuampentainx, a London belle, it is said, didn’t like the attentions of the Prince of Wales and tried to give him the g. b. ‘You keep better men from me,” she Miss C. must be doing some pretty slummin import Cologne water to the amount 34 and out of that sell two mil- lion dollars worth. What becomes of the remainder is a mystery. Perhaps, unlike Mary’s box of spikenard, it is sold and given to the poor to use in place of whiskey. are much shocked 1 which leads an Some or our dai at that for:n of Ang’ OLD BODKINS’ BREAKFAST. Tin THINKS HE'S \ LITTLE TOO FLY FOR THIS SORT OF PLEASURE AND WILL PLY HACK TO TOWN, American journal to posure of an English journal. They are so American that they require the in- dency that they print to be original, and paid for at advertising rates, py the indecent ex- intensily Mn. Hexpnieks tells a reporter the ro- mance of his blasted life: ** The memory of sone k he remarked, “¢ will never fade, nor its paroxysmal flaver ever dissolve. It was long before I met Mrs. Hendricks. I was a wild and rebellious youth, and that kiss was from a Methodist presiding elder’s daughter who was trying to get me to the mourner’s bench at a camp-meeting.” We cannot too much commend his chivalry in refusing to blast another life by furnishing for publication the name of the presiding | elder's daughter. ‘These camp-meeting inci- dents often need careful revision before publication. 3 comicbooks.com