Judge — August 1, 1885 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Fanwen Saversen— + that get a Is the pesky A Timely Lesson. “ Belubbed Brederen,” remarked a col- > cleared his throat for ay Brudder Jackson nodded fru de ma, » disco’se; Brudder Tompkins, am well known tu mos’ ob yo,’ fell offun his seat inter de aisle while in er fit ob somnomberlashun; Brud- der Baxter sno'd so loud dat de minds ob de younger membahs ob dis congregation wah distracted from de bl ed words ob God as expounded by myse’f, an’ Bradder Doolittle nebber wakened hisse’f ’till after de collec- shun had ben taken up. Dese_bradders ” continued the preacher, “am foah ob de principal pillahs an’ posts ob dis yere cha’ch. — T’se_relierbly info’med dat “i Sabbath mawnin’ at two clock ALM. @& brudder ob dis chu’ch tuk home er ham dat looked as if it hed ben chawed by er dog. In puttin er mackerel ter soak las’ Saturday night at twelve er-clock annoder brudder ob dis chu’ch got it in de wash basin 'stead ob de milk pan, an’ in de mawnin’ it tasted so ob sof’ soap dat dey guy it away ter a poo’ ooman. De bradder also skinned his nose de doah, an’ fell over a rockin’ cha’r. nnoder bradder wuz ’scorted home by jesty ob de law singin’ dat_ maudlin’ “TL feels so orful jolly when I’m drunk dressed up.’ De las’ brudder whom I shall pertickelerize wuz engaged all las’ week in whitewashin’ out a fine ob ten dol- lahs up at de City Hall. ow my belubbed hearahs, dis sort ob thing am calcerlated ter disuntegrate de scantity obde Sabbath day, an’ ter distract de whole theory ob religion. [ doesn’t wan’ ter menshun no names, ob co’se, but when I sees a brudder noddin’ his head at senti- ments in de sermon what am too broad an’ comprehensive fo’ him ter understan’, I says “dat bradder wah fightin’ las’t night an’ hit somebody wid a ham.’ When I sees a brad ler what can’t hold hisse’f onto his seat I says, ‘dat brudder’s wash-basin smells ob n Ikerel When I ha’rs a brudder sno’ durin’ de perceedins ob de mawnin’s dis- co’se, in my minds eye I sees dat brudder in de pow’ful grasp ob ‘a policeman; an’ when I dissovabe 8” bradder asleep when he THE “JUDGE. oughter be contribertin money fer ter carry de blessed misshunery message ter fa’ oif heathen lands, I says ‘dat brudder oughter be whitewashin’ his soul ‘stead of white- washin’ down de walls ob de City Hall. Belubbed brudders, de sacred editise ob de Lawd ain no place fo’ ter slumber by de way- side, an’ I hopes dat ha’rafter, ebbery mem- ber ob dis yere congregashun will bar it in mind. De words ob de text dis mawnin, am compounded in de one hundred an’ twenty sebbenth psalm an’ second verse; * He guveth Iis belubbed sleep ’.” The Snap Skirt. Apartment life is introducing strange changes among us; and it no little attention to be up to the ventions, My own rooms are in the ‘ Viscount,” a large pile near Central Park. The suit, as usual, has somewhat the shape of a coffin, mg and narrow. The latest things in apartment life can be seen there. Every chair, the moment you rise from it, springs together; and is then no thicker than an actavo volume. The beds are con- structed in the wav; the tables let down from the ‘Thus, by a little exercise of the imagination one can easily make a small drawing room as large usw e. But the neatest novelty is a patent of my own, which I have introdu: largely in the “Viscount.” This is the ** shut skirt,” the greatest improvement in women’s dress since space became atter of paramount im- jady wearing this skirt can, by touching a spring, compress her dress to her own thickn In the German figures at_my rooms ladies who do not dance range themselves along the wall, touch the springs of their skirts, and presto! save a few bas-reliefs, the d is cleared for action, In this way we in our small apartment almost a space as one finds in Delmonico’s hall. ‘This invention is rapidly replacing the old form of dress in the upper ten, VISCOUNT T. many quires latest: in- Briefs Submitted. How doth the little Improve vach And gather sean¢ quilting bee hour, 1 all the day From every prim wall-tlower. Sheep are generally taken as the personi- fication of timidity, notwithstanding their principal business is with the sward. It isn’t every girl who has talent enough to go on the stage; but she is a pretty poor stick who can’t occasionally take a ’bus. The onion stalk is a very pathetic talk; it generally draws tears; but the corn stalk is so husky it seldom reaches other ears than its own. Sets of false teeth are often washed ashore at Asbury Park, at which an exchange ex- presses much wonder. Well, we always wash ours ashore; we should never think of tempt- ing the dangerous deep merely to clean a set of teeth. “The man who sowed these beans didn’t take much pains to pick out the basting threads,” remarked Jones as he pulled the strings out of his teeth. ** Don’t know who sowed ’em,” replied Mrs. J. “I bought ’em recdy made.” Painted in High-Lights. Ifaving drummed up that hundred thou- sand dollars, the World does not need any further raise for Liberty’s torch, She will be the highest old gal as well as the bright- est, in the world, in consequence of the ‘The Herald did not succeed in its attempt to raze her to her foundation. Now let us have peace; and the pieces put together as soon as possible. When we come to ¢ te the consummation of the work, even the high old gal will be set up and we'll all fecl hke making light of the difficulties of the rai It is easy to say now, that the money would have been raised in some way and that our fears, instead of the statue, lacked foundation. But, least, we must feel that the country escaped from an awkward dilemma; and that lz on our side. We anticipate, only by a short time, this illustrious event. Liberty, will rot be like the baseless fabric of a vision, beyond the time when the engineer can give us a con- crete example of the abstract pr that drew out the money from the p A MANLY ANSWER. Beau—" Sty, Iry, what do you like to catch best?" Ivy—" Men haden, stupid.” Making too Light of It. “ Plague take these lamps!” exclaimed a housewife in a country villa, wrestling with the servant-girl question. “What's the matter? that light,” ing to cheer things up. hy work to do. “Oh! Tcan’t make this wick turn up. I'm just tired out, and I wish I was dead— so there!” “T see,” said he, cheerily, “you would like to be where the wick’d cease from tronbling, and the weary take a rest.” This finished her and she broke down completely and had a good cry. He made up by promising to close the villa and return to the city. I don’t see it in said her facetions husband, try- He didn’t have the comicbooks.com