Judge — July 18, 1885 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

OYEZ! OYEZ! | A tin peddler has many curious weighs. [Saratoga Eagle. ‘ortune feeds soup to most men with a fork, —[Peck’s Sun. | Is think men are ; women know are all stomach.—[Peck’s Sun. A St. Louis girl lost a $75,000 lover be- cause he saw her in the ballet. Shape will tell.—[Detroit Free Press, th A man is # fool if he blows his own horn. a bigger fool if he blows some —[Phila. ¢ Nearly forty-two shilling lives of Grant are waiting in the hands of publishers fer him to die.—[ Detroit Free Pres Lilla N. Cushman, the poetess, sings: “My back is nearly broken with this we weary load.” Lilla must get a lig bustle suri ‘They are debating in Cincinnati whether to pat chairs or pews in their new church. They might compromise on hammock [Phila Call. “Poets is born.” We have borne with some until our rate nee is exhausted. ‘They can't distinguish between inspiration and billiousness.—[ Phila, Call, It is now & that the odor of cloves is an excellent preventive of mosquitoe bites. Cut this out and show it to your wife.—[ Boston Courier. Malaria is certainly a very inconsistent disease. It generally_makes’ acquaintances for the purpose of giving them the cold shake.—[‘Texas Siftings, other fello A housemaid journal prints directions for serving spring chicken, Another good way is to serve it before it celebrates its ninth birthday.—[Norristown Hearld, bie,” said the vi ve you got any little brothers or s * replies wee Robbie, solemn! all the children we've got.—[ Phila. tor, kindly, ‘all. It would not be a bad idea if hereafter all new comic papers would begin with volume No. 2. Judging from past experience that out the only way they will reach it. (Phila. Call. mage says “‘we cannot go to heaven by steam. o; but we can get out of Brooklyn by that means, which serves a very od purpose from sionily polnt of view. wowell Citizen, You might as well undertake to varnish a rainbow or try to stampede hunger with dime with a bole in ft, as expect to prevail on a man to own up to his wife that he has been in the wrong.—[Chicago Ledger. A new grain, a hybrid between wheat and rye, has just been’ produced. ‘The public will await with no small degree of interest to see the kind of whiskey it will make. [EI Paso Lone Star. said Little Johnney I. who had been reading the pathetic story of Mary and the lamb, ‘* What if I should take my lamb to school?” And the heartless parent re- plied: ‘The inference is that you would get lammed, Johnny.”"—[Peck’s Sun. A Vermont woman comes boldly out and applies for a divorce on the grounds that she wants a richer husband, in order that she THE JUDGE. 13 may spend the summers at Long Brauch. She deserves a decree for her honest [Detroit Fre After this week the Weather Bureau will try and predict the changes for thirty-six hours inadvunce, and any little mistakes will be overlooked by the public. Indeed, the public can’t help themselves. [Detroit Free Pres: terrupted, smiling fondly at her mistake. “Why, yes, to. by How stupid 1 Press, am! [was thinking this was Wednesday evening.” —[Kansas City Call. “ What is your name?” asked the Sunday school teacher of a new scholar, : Sheolen Miller, Mis “ Sheoler ed the what surpr “Yes, Miss, but ed version c was the answer, 1 her, some- rather a queer before the Re. me out it wasn’t so quee r fell to thinkin —[Peck’s Sun. It costs the Governor of Ohio four times nam what he receives in salary to keep up his ex-— v penses as Governor, out there’s the honor Then the lat you know! He can call out the miltia and spiritual matt« issue Thanksgiving proclamations. [Detroit I “Turn the rascals out” and ‘stop thief,” are phrases having a similar origin. about Commenting en the brevity dresses this season, Carl P will be only our modesty t1 us from going to a of bathin mel says: ** It t will prevent atering- ce Press. A burglar, wishing to get away with his ducing the Weer stolen booty, created a diversion by yelling aid set yout’ ey All edie “stop thief ” at the top of his voice. [Ind, Herald. “ Where I Find Refuge,” is the title given exchan, her last effusion, by a Burlington Hawkeye walking is excell poet. The waste-basket is beginning to take have a the same prominent place in literature that pliable to have used b trouble with their using them so constant and proof. And t now, ou never will better time to g Sun, literature has always taken in the waste 9; \ man was recently blessed with the re Seeevilla Jourael dition of three daughters to his. he at one tir Shortly aft he was asked “Ts Mr. Gladstone a very homely man?” by his wife what he shou Ie 0,1 should say not. Why do you replied that he didn't. care were called, ys he pre- t ud that she in the matter, ight consult her own ause one of the pape: fers to be plain Mr. Gladstone.” Well,” she replied, ‘1 think T shall [Boston Budget. call one Olive ther Myrtle, but I have ueried a little boy, ‘is Selected no name for the third; now what Satan an angel?” “Ie is one of the shall it be?” angels, dear.” “Well, what was tnut, trouble with the fallen angels? Couldn’t | they make the wings work an Franc’ “Mamma,” was the ungallant answer, [Boston Budget. eo Ingleside. LEARNING BY aid a sharp-voiced woman to EXAMPLE, A Southern editor has discovered a white aon man who is turning black, to offset that |“ Charles, story about the black man who is turning | her busband, “do you know that you white. The frequency with which such items Once had a romance in a railroad car appear in some of our exchanges induces the ‘Never heard of it,” replied Charl thought that certain editors believe their Subduded ton roadGra'are turuiig'*" gresie” “T thought you hadn't, but don't you re- [Norristown Herald, member that it was that’ pair of slippers I . presented you seven years ago last Christ Schoeppenstedt, w: akes up his cash ! y ; choeppenstedt, who makes up his cash mas the Christmas before we were mar- account regularly when he thinks of ity sied—that led to our union? You remember aes a monument from s grateful ponn.| How nicely they filted, don’t you? Well, acrves# monument me Bre ed! Charles, one day when we we ving to a lace. | ** Car tickets.” works just as well @5 dienic you had your fect up on a. seat, and “Unaccounted for” in balancing a virtuous | ae lookin Laake tee ian’ sh when you wast lookin, I took your c count, and it looks at least 38° Fahrenheit better. [Somerville Journal. me: But for that pair of slippers i don’t believe we'd ever been married.” gunn arried man sitting near by Kissing is said to be a very good thing to is feet down from a seat. make a girl's lips red. A kiss has some- times been known to make a girl's lip red *way up to the roof of her forehead, when her mother came into the parlor unexpect- edly just as the kisser and kisee were coming under the wire.—[Somerville Journal, $400 NOT CALLED FOR. It seems strange that it is necessary to persuade men that you can eure their’ dis- ses by offering a premium to the man who js to receive benefit. And yet Dr. Sage undoubtedly cured Uh nds of « ‘The Vermont Marble Company has. re- ceived from Australia an order for one hun- sof ob- dred finished monuments, pmebody Out grinate eatarrh with his **¢ rrh Remedy,” there with a little capital is evidently about who would never have applied to him, if it to start a cemetery as a business speculation, jad not been sor his offer of the above sum [Lowell Citizen. for an incurab! Who is the next “One of these dollars is a counterfcit, bidder for eure or ma’am.” “Tow can you tell?” “Simply by sound, Just tap itand hear how clear the genuine sounds. That's tenor. Notice when I tap the other one. That’s base.” —[ as Siftin Little Rilla had several mosquite bites on her face, which annoyed. her and made her recij “Well, little girl, considerably itof much sympathy. how's the mosquit bites now?” asked her papa a couple of Her head was pillowed on his breast and | days afterward, ‘Oh, t cr bites is looking up in a shy way, she said: F gone, but the places are there yet “Do you know, dear George, that——” replie placing her finger on the “You mean dear James, I think,” he in- She had not read Ge Grant's remark: comicbooks.com