Judge — July 11, 1885 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

OYEZ! OYEZ! ‘There was an old fc in Bostin, Found out what his livin’ was costin’, So he took to his bed And refused to be fed, This stingy old fellow from Bostin. (Detroit Free Press. There was an old chap in Detroit, Whose liver never was right Be gorged on dead issues And animal tissues, This disgusting old plug of Detroit. [Boston Post, A small boy sits on an old oak stump, And into a rotten hole He pokes with the force of a suction pump The end of a hickory pole. But anon the small boy madly flees With a wail as loud as a gong. Alast he had tackled a nest of be And was hit by the queen-bee’s prong. {Washington Hatchet, ‘an a place to teach swimming be called dive-in-ity school?—[Attleboro Advocates. Carried to excess—The traveller who falls asleep and goes by his station. [Lowell Citizen. A nod is as good as a wink to a clergyman when his sermon is too long. “[Boston Budget. eral democrats, with their eyes turned jnward, are now very disconsulate. [Merchant Traveller. ‘The editor of a sensational paper says that divorce cases, elopements, murders, and so on ure the sin-news of war. [Washington Hatchet. If the paw-paw tree isn’t the emblem of poverty, then it must be related to the dog- woed. One would suppose too, that it didu't grow more than two feet. [Yonkers Gazette. There is said to be an almanac in the British Museum 3,000 years old. At last weare able to trace the source of the modern humorists’ jokes. [Indianapolis Herald. “What kind of pillsdo you want, little asked the druggist. * Plain or sugar- r, I want the kind that’s white- —[Phil, Call. Courtney, the oarsman, still has great confidence in his ability to defeat Hanlan. He is so confident that he thinks there is no need of a trial of speed.—[Lowell Citizen. K. Weeks of the Salvation army in Dover became so tired of waiting for his golden slippers Monday, that he stole a pair of common cowhide boots.—[Boston Globe. “Don’t I wish I was a member of the Legislature, ma!” “Why, Johnny?” “Because when they want a recess all they have to do is to vote for it."—[Phila Call. Succotash was a new dish at Charli house, but one that pleased him immensely, He passed his plate to his mamma earnestly asking for ‘‘a little more of the sacred hash,” —[ Phila. Call. A Washington correspondent says that George Bancroft “wears a soft felt hat 's THE JUDGE. 13 which shades his eyes and a pair of well- fitting pantaloons.”” It must be a regular sombrero.—[ Detroit Free Press. Miss Braddon has just written a novel titled “Cut by the Country.” It seems evident to us from this that the hero must be a league umpire. If so, the work is timely and destined to be widely read. [Lowell Citizen. | [Lowell Daily Jonria While medical students are being harshly condemned for robbing graves, it is forgot- ten that the students intend to fill them up again when they go into practice. [New Orleans Pi A Baptist preacher in North Carolina says the frying pan has prevented the con- version of the world. — It is quite as true, however, that fear of a frying-pan future has induced thousands to seck the insurance of the Baptist Church.—[ Picayune, yune, Where are going to take us Teacher to little girl— going Nellie?” 7; to Florida again.” m tell what the capitol of Florida is? Yes'm. It’s the money they get from the boarders. [Pittsburg Chronicle, “Tlike that Dr. Smithers,” said old Crimsonbeak to young Brandwine, as they sipped the balmy, over the bar. |“ He is one of the best fel ‘Mows Tever met, ” “Tn what “Tle never gets a patient but what he ‘treats’ him.—[St. Paul Ierald. Col. John A. Joyee, of writes poetry of his “inner life.” ‘The Colonel is not compelled to draw entirely upon his imagination, as he had sever years of “inner life” asa result of his con- nection with the great whisky ring. [Indianapolis Herald. st. Louis Republican has an article hing. ‘lhe editor probably sat lge of his bed and cast the line of his vision down into the depths of his boots, The ophidian howl must have been simply immense in this cas [Indianapolis Herald. ly. Why do you keep that yy about here?” Lady.—‘ Why he’s my page. First Lady.—* Well, he’s very pert. You ought to get your husband to turn down that page occasionally so that he can keep os ahs *—[ Boston’ Budget. * * Delicate Consultation free. sary Medical Al Washington, First sm diseases radically Address, World's ciation, Buffalo, tite: Dis; The funny sixth column editorial man of the New York Times has become a Roman convert. That is, he will go as Consul- General to Rome. There is a general fitness about that, for Rome is the only place where he could sce any antiquities to equal some he introduces in the sixth column of the Times.—[Ex. Some men never know when they are well off. A man recently got a $25,000 ver- dict for damages from a railroad compan and thought it too little. He got a new trial and a verdict of six cents, ‘Another man, having been acquitted of murder, went away and got married the same d. [Arlington (‘Tex.) World. “Don’t you think,” said Mrs. Keeper, “that when Adam realized the vastness of the world into which he had been ushered, he must have had a great deal on his mind?” ‘ Well,” responded Mrs. Blunt, “from the photographs I have seen of him I should say that whatever he did have on must have been on his mind.—[Troy Press. A mysterious shower of white dust caused a sensation at Bellaire, Ohio, the other It doubtle ifted down from the celest blackboards, as the recording angel was chalking down the sins of Cincinnati people. tinge hits offadrunken man’s vvery aptly in the following from Harper's Sober passenger (angrily) —“ Look where you step, m Tipsey passenger (apolegetically)—""Y-yes, dot the tr-rouble is to—hic—step where I look.”"—[Detroit Free Pre: God as her a week by the red du When a girl is in that blissful predicament, Mr. ‘Jones, she docsn't sigh for any ‘other heaven. ‘This earth is paradise enough for he: orristown Ie! the revivalist, remark won't keep a young lady pious who waist encircled seven times arms of a spider-l Sam Jon Nd. “ There is only one thing that makes me doubt the truth of the when I who is arnest devotee, was trying to persuade his friend to turn from the error of his ways. “ What is that?” asked T “The apostles were nearly all fishermen.” (St. Paul Herald. Miss Migge.—‘T hope, my » that you don’t go to the theatre alone? . Fstelle. o, indeed. I never think of going unless [am cha Miss Migga.—** Unless vou are stelle. Chaperone Miss Miggs.—** That's T always like to have [Drake's sed are the pe said Cross rospel what?” the way with me. around. aveller’s Mag akers.”— Bis- “ Ble mark gets three hundred dollars a day for keeping all Europe in a state of fighting suspense about what h General Komaroff ¢ sand roubles for killi standing all India u eleven thoi is going to de one hundred few Afghans, and mn end, a good cannon c nd dolla nda city mission: wears out Ins life for six hundred | dollars a year, and you can get a bible of the ‘Tract Society for nothing. [Brooklyn next. thou- “LAUGH AND GROW FE is a precept ea: to practice. If but a aieire sing pepsia, boils, ulting from [action of the bowele, it ie impossible to pet | up such a laugh as will produce alderman, corpnlence. In order to atisfactori you must be well, and to be well you must have your bowels in good order. “You can do this and Jangh he: artly with Dr. Pierce's ** Pleasant Purgative Pelle the little regulotors of the liver and bowels and best promoters of jollit preached, but not so ¢ has no appet lache, dys: WANTS TO BE FRED DOUGLASS, Pious mother to young hopeft my child, your hair is combed and your f is washed. Go Sabbath School a good little boy pwoup to t man like President Cleveland.” ul (lugubriously).—‘* Bat I don’t want to be like no President when | grow up.” LIKE P, M.—‘ Sakes, alive, child, whodom you a Val comicbooks.com