Judge — June 13, 1885 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

OYEZ! OYEZ! “T cannot sing the For Lam full of But [will sing * Sweet Violets” If you will hold the dog. {Washington Hate ld ‘The worst ¢ —chole known to the human race —[Waterloo Observer. No matter how you may tread on it, and hammer it down, the carpet is always pre- pared for attack again.—[St. Paul Herald A returned marine says that the strangest story told him on the Isthinus was that the trains on the Panama Railroad came toa full stop at Colon.—[ Buffalo Express. Prof. Proctor says that ‘without water there can be no volcano.” (hic) 80,” said old Beasley; ‘an whisky there (hic) would be fewer eruptions —at home.” Emperor William of Germany is suffering na bad cold. He has evidently got t sland and Rus The’ coolness between these last two named countries just now is very Arctic.—[Norristown Herald. The Transcript as' «€ Will somebor ee tell what is the nitrate of sod: ally, about 50 per cent in excess of the day ri All depends upon the druggist you patronize.—[Roxbury Advocate. In the revised version of the Old ‘Testa- ment the familiar words, ‘* All is vanity and vexation of spirit,” are made to read, ** All is vanity and a striving after wind.” — Is this a fling at the Congress of the United States?—[Washington Hatchet. A map of the Sixth ward of Philadelphia hat been prepared, on which all_ the saloons are indicated by black spots. It is said to resemble a sheet of fly paper that has been working for 25 hours a day for a we [Norristown Herald, So highly decorated are the rattan chairs in the fashionable drawing rooms, that it is hard to tell which is the chair and which is the ribbon. One who sits in one of these chairs makes an enemy of the fami [Springfi 1d Union. “Now, Uncle Gabe, if you have got any- thing on your heart, any last wish, speak out,” said the Rev. Baxter to an old ni who had only a few hours to live. ‘Ia got no last wish ‘cept dat I wants ter ¢ well.”—[Arkans: veler. It is claimed that a successful type-setting machine has at last been put in operation, We go right smart on machinery, but we want to see it trot around the oftice hunting sorts and stealing leads before we take much stock in it.—[Chicago Ledger. —-“ Why do Texas lawyers and legislators sign petitions to have convicts pardoned out of the penitentiary?” “They do it in accordance to the Srip- ture. “ What Scripture? ” “Do unto others as ve would that they aioula'de unto you.”—[‘Texas Siftings. —‘Do you expect to be rew: for the good deeds done in this life?” asked an Austin school teacher. “I don’t expect nothing myself, but the old man banked on getting the Austin post office if he hadn’t ‘ded hereafter fe | THE JUDGE. fooled himself on Cleveland,” respor boy whose father dabbled in politics [Texas Siftings. A the Binks came home rather mellow the other night; and when he was nearly ready to go to bed, his wife inquirec ohn, how's the , and how late is in more than one d to make anapro- "—[ Karl Binks couldn't question; but he ha ly when he “Oh, it’s surly ton ‘Times. pos wne, in Bos- ‘+ Bill, if you could make a wish and have it gratified, what would it be? Just one wish, mind you?” Well, Ibelieve I'd say give me about much of everything as a woman can sce a glane ** Heavens! do you want the whole carth?” [Carl Pretzel’s Weekly. “You're not afraid of the dog, are you, bub?” “No, ma‘am.” “Well, then why don’t you come right in? He won't hurt you.” I'm too timid, ma’am—that’s what ails me. Un s bashful when. there's dogs about.”—[Carl Pretzel’s Weekly. «Just listen to this, Martha!” exclaimed Mr. Jarphly, who was reading his evening paper: **One of the dogs at the London prize shows is valued at $50,000! Good Gracious! ‘That’s more money than I ever ted to be worth in my lif Some ‘¢ worth more than others, Jeremiah,” quietly remarked Mrs. Jarphl, nd Mr. larphly eyed her for a foment sid sald she need not sit up for him that evening. (St. Paul ‘Times. said a husband to his wife, y sleep. I have Tsince L came to bed. I wish you would get up and prepare me a little laida- num.” “It’s hardly worth while now, she replied, consulting her watch; ‘It’s al- most time to build the kitchen fire.” Then he sank into a quiet, restful slumber. [Boston Journal. ges. with plain why v-legs is eight boys than girl The nadduced is purely scientific, and al together unsa ng to a mind accustomed to browse around in search of herbage of a common-sense nature. Any mother who has ever turned a boy’s pockets wrong side out can throw more light on the question than all the doctors.—[Chicago Ledger. A medical journal fills several f i breakers trying to 8 greater amon THE VICTIM OF LAUNDRIE I do wish the washee washee people of the United States would call a national conven- tion of launders and laundresses aud adopt a uniform style of marking the linen that passes through their hands. I have suffered much from the diversity of talent displayed in the private marks of Anglo, German, Franco, Hibernian, Chinese, and American laundries. Iam a man. not given to novel- ti I like variety, but I want it to be the same_ kind of varie I do not. like to go round the country lecturing in the guise of the tattooed man of Borneo. Now, when [ put on my war paint and sashacd forth to seck whom I might gather the lecture committees in, T had my nty store of linen marked with the real initials of my own honored name—that Mrs. O’Mahoney’s husband might know whose 13 shirt he was wearing to church, Mile, Celeste might know whose handkerchief she stole, and that Wun Lung might be able to swear that the collars he offered for sale were given to him by his diseased friend, Ram Jam Bang. But did these simple marks content the wash ladies and laundry gentlemen? N not so. "The first laundry gentleman marked everything I had with a big black X in indelible ink, save only my—excuse my blushes—hose. ‘These dainty little fabrics of silk and worsted, with faint traces of cotton, he labelled by sewing a large, white patch about midships on the after part of the veal of the same. I left all these marks on, hop- ing that in connection with the regularly. ordained initials, they would content the next washer gentleman. But he was a ‘Trojan, and he put ona mark something like the Greek letters, phi, psi. This was in, Philadelphia. At Pittsburg T had a round up of my linen at the Great Western Satin Gloss Laundry, where the man with the indelible ink labeled everything NO, big and black, and sewed additional patches on my—ahem! hose. I next corralled my things at the establishment of Ping Ping in Columbus, Ohio,who stitched in a fire-cracker joke in red thread. We—I and my herd of linen and manu- script—drifted slowly to the Northwest, and the drobe was watered at a French Janndry in Kalamazoo and branded OHA. At Minneapolis it went to the hotel laundry and came back bearing the new legend LT, with nge around it and red tags on my s—ks. ‘This was growing inte esting, and when a brand of blue ink came into the plot at Council Bluffs and was cast for YOA, I sat up half the night reading my thing Tam fond of literature, anyhow, and when the mental pabulum on my’ linen was rein- Concordia, Kan:, by the addition ack circle to the bill of fare, I about for a publisher, s City Hang Hi worked in a crazy quilt stitch on me, and at Decatur, IIL, the lannder had a rubber stamp, the design whereof valentine heart inclosed the letters XLX. — Ido not know the meaning of the symbol unle fers to my age, which certainly has nothing to do with the age of my wardrobe. ‘This man sewed white tags on the ears of my st—ck—ngs, with the same design printed on them. At ‘Terre Haute, Ind., they sewed tags on everything from withers to hock, and at Valparaiso they stitched XVII on the entire harness, and at upper Sandusky I got NNY inked on every- thing from collar to crupper. At Beaver a Chinese gent embroidered on y things portions of a strange, weird alphabet wherever he could find room for it, and at Urichsville, Ohio, my linen was re- turned to me with a note stating that all articles must be plainly marked before they could be received at the laundry. [Brooklyn Eugle. SoM ERS. No doubt, in our attempts to converse with foreigners in their own tongne, we make many a ludicrous mistake, which our inter- locutors ure too polite to notice; but we find it hard to keep our countenances when we hear foreigners struggling with our own anguage. — Moschele droll blunder he made when in London, which ** set the table in a roa One day I was asked at dessert what fruit I would ve of those on the table. “Some Sneers,” I replied. ‘The company comicbooks.com