Judge — June 13, 1885 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

beryles, topazs, chrysoberyls, and all the rest | der, weak fish are not the most invigorating, jas! My imaginary gar- of those fondly sought for atoms of adorn- t nourishes of a comatose intel- ged toa “wreath of ulcers { ment. ect. one to seed.” by the hard hand of destiny I pitched headlong, figuratively speaking, | ‘The idea gradually dawned upon me to and a combined alliauce of the eritical furies intoa remarkubly-powerful po change my quarters, and allow the ancient-— of the literary world—whocalled me a worn- || completely saturated with cruel pathos and | looking fisherman, who had almost ruined | out corban, full of egotian and conceit, wretched wickedness, and filed with promis- | my reputation as a genius, to mi This unjust reference to an alms basket cuous characters of sterling worth. ‘The search of tripe of the same cal me almost indignant, but when another hero was overflowing with the milk of human It was his inferior fish that had caused me al caviller suggested that I could obtain j kindness and shirt bosom. A genuine spec- to almost doubt that I was a talented de- a better reputation in digging for brand- i imen of Yankee nobility, done to ascendant of my father. 1 would trifle with to be used for fish bait, I was roaring : | turn, The heroine was built of fabrics of it no more. ‘I also concluded to let. the Stamping, kicking, swearing mad! | the purest material and filled in with love, pecuniary balance due him stand asamonu- Nicely ensconeed in suitable ters, I | courage, intelligence and piety. She was mental warning for him never to attempt to commenced on the pugilis ols- | the personitication of conscious upon a hereditary genius again. It was my hobby to unreel something j | in fact, all the princi acters, twenty at once on this ic din interesting. Something that would } eight in number, were assorted ones, and —not, however, be appreciated by the lofty and. the lowly; { arranged gracefully in apple-pie order. It until Phad come toa satisfactory settlement the sky-dwellersof society; the elite of hter- i was sent to a weekly paper, but fuilin, with the ancient fisherman, who objected so ature; the upper ten of the universe; aswell | any word from them I called to asc forcibly to my departing to unexplored as by the tillers of the soil and muscular | ‘The announcement of my 1 lidn’t parts without leaving him a memento of our rics. ! tartle the council of ‘critics; who | connection in th angible form of cash— ling themselves with bread and that [complied with his desire. As he ob- my mind and keepi T hastened to inform them that I, jected with both hed, and le foresroundi:I. unstrign n that fairly was the proud author of the lost tule, After | as fierce g ight it best to Jifted my hair in wild as hment. It | , waiting | aecept his invitation to liquidate the billand | was a terrific onslaught on everything from i i NAY my an hou cover him an elephant to a fk y with plot, and Ue ee it was with © on recking with suicides. a mental bet Wa handed tentment. with myself that I would clear five thousand vg this unique and happy idea in plot well in the to me by EDs Content~ dollars by that effort alone. T sent it off by = one of Z ment is a trusty boy; and having brought my re- those woFexcellent flective fuctlties to the surface with the —cheese boon, Tit. of sticklebacks, wrote up, off hand, an critics combmight cle on eclipses, which I fondly i accom. Sy, but the would be largely copied by the U panied truly gre and might possibly be the means of securing by an , . Man sub 1 nositiot of bser- y COMPLIMENTS OF THE stasox. ™. me a lucrative position in some of the obser ironical mitsto what | vatori¢ After I had completed it, I found = sm ile{he cannot help, and has the satisfaction of thy oreatten to ik igs AURCLORT TALE: P that I forgotten to mention anything j anda submitting under protes paid and pro- about the eclipse. So, I punished a plate of 1 couple of spiders, including web, and | tested; he raked in the cash and swore. 1 stickleback in fine style, notwithstanding i ensnared flies. I left that despised abode | called’ him a regular clum pirate, and he their pugilistic propensities, and dashed into ae like «cannibal hurricane—leaving those pro- called me a brainless shrimp on the half the eclipse subject without any circumlocu- i found critics to finish their sensuous c hell. After this exchange of compli- tion, and by carefully circumnavigating all 1 ment with a halo of invectives encircling | ments we parted. It is often said that unknown pointsof danger, I pulled through their top-knots. fi cold blooded creatu but they Ly the sweat of my brow, it is true, but in My mind w with the imperative nec now thoroughly impregnated | must have their modicum of heated blood sity of hatching stowed away in some private recess of out an entirely new and original brood of , their anatomy, or they couldn't love, i I must conjure into existence som hate, and fight other animalsofahigher ~ ts thing strange and outre. had already | orgunization, I was anxious to obtan a comtined. It contained more than I could received a cataplasm of correction—acanstic | select fish diet. One that would prove in Swallow, and [ didn’t. I returned it, en- application of critical censure. Editorial stramental in building up a sold founda- closing a series of Greek i chain-shot haa been liberally hurled at my tion for my next attempt. [would e: literary efforts and myself. ‘Th Hed | sticklebacks and come off triumphant in the them failures. I called them failures | race with fame. Get rich and have my brow —indubitable proof that used for brain fod- | crowned with land of myrtle leaves a red hot glow of caloric gratification. [sent it in and received it back with a note. tacheck. No matter what that note nathemas arrang in alphabetical order, th a decidedly mod- ern key of explanation. ‘inued.) Miss Onstinate—"* men think a nu neork it myself. Ll surprise yor.” Oh, yer, indeed ; woman can't do anything You And she does, comicbooks.com