Judge — May 16, 1885 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE King Arthur, at his Table Round, t with his knights, and th Of good things said, When all at once Sir Lancelot Up spake: “It w awful hot! Will some one pass the pie PASSING OF THE PIE. was sound a sly, Sir Gala! Sir Gal. was His v pou'rt late me on kn ice was lik ae “ For one who wants the pi The pie, Sie L. oth ¢ se bad! labad, Then And y Sir Ls Med his vi His face was flan No pie,” cried he And then he srtrode Led out fre clot arise + o'er his ey y hot! And this to met re the lea ot ow sville Courier-Journal uses the flowers to shoot is that they all carry pistils. [Petersburg Democrat. —Why is the effect of a mustard ph ise itis acounter-pa [Petersburg Democ likeacoverlet? Beea Well, why shouldn’t a man who has lost his money at the races lose his equine imity? [Washington Hatchet. —Inasmuch as rowing developes the el an oarsman ought to be a row-bust man [Washington Hatchet. + Blessed be the piec lady who drew a era: church fair,—[St. I —A New York woman has just given birth to four boy New York gets all the good berths this year,.—[St. Paul Herald. —Noah thought he had everything in the ark, but we have it on good authority that he didn’t have Aaraat.—[ Petersburg Democrat. makers,” said the quilt at a recent aul “Times. — Woman’s life is said to be all up hill work.”—[ Maverick. tothe Sunny Clime girls?—[St. —‘‘Atten shun company!” is the mand Capt. Minicball gives his ms crriageable daughter as he starts down to the armory in the evening.—[Ex. —* Billy, why is it the papers all say that the winner of a pedestrian contest gets the gate money?” Because he wins the money by his gait, 1 suppose.” “Aw!” [Pretzel’s Weekly. —Mrs. Langtry’s first appearance in Lon- don in “ Peril” was postponed until the ar- | rival of the ‘Prince of Wales,” but, of course this did not make the peril any more realistic [Philadelphia Call. —It is stated that the Prince of Wales, when traveling, never carries a pocket-book. Suppose that he depends upon his elegant gall to carry him to the next station, [St. Paul Times. —A man who went to a skating rink a few days ago fell and was picked up * sense- less,” says an exchange. Well, what of it You didn’t expect the fall would knoe! sense into him, did you?—[Graphic. —‘The old poets used to spend a whole week over a single line.” Labor-saving machinery has greatly simplified things since | and tender. THE JUDGE. then. days a washerwoman will spend only a few hours over a single line— and she earns quite as much mon th old poets, too.—[Norristown Herald. —An storm exc’ says: ange in noting a recent At intervals the rain can down in sheets.” The remainder of the be clothes are expected to arrive in the next shower.—[Petersbury Democrat. —It turns out that those young elopers of | Brooklyn first met and flirted ata chureh, and not at a skating rink. All theeame, we shall notadvocate the abolition of the church, [Norristown Herald. —When Ellen Terry loses keeps right on playing just relation to her, more or less was husband, she if he was no and the matter of a husband not worth worrying abe [Norristown Her: * said a Stocktonian, as thin as a wafer.” them to be,” bowl hurled at y Mavreck. these “That is the w waiter, as he his head.—[W —A namber of dead fish have bi upon the b © Long Brane! theory that their death was caused by son’s poem which came over the cable days ago, seems plausible. [Norristown Herald enny- a few —The one solitary Philedelphia Demo whom Mr. nd has recognized, Mr. Me italles Grose hee teen prostrated by a severe bilious attack. ‘The rest of the party in this city is down with the jaundice. [Philadelphia Call, a small boy who had yelled knives, “What ain't?” asked the other “Why, this knife's backspring is gone and "taint got no snap.” ‘* Course "tain gave the snap away, — What'd ye reckin’ I was trading for?”—[Merchant ‘Traveler. —‘ Tere,” been trading ain't fair, one. —A sprightly young lady happened to be seated between'a rake anda dude at a hotel table, and was considerably bothered by their attentions.“ How do you prefer Miss?” asked the waiter. ponded with a smile.” “ How, . “Between tou; —[St. Paul Herald —Ruskin says,“ In all things through- out the world the men who look for the crooked will see the crooked, and the men who look for the straight’ can the straight.” Ruskin rs to be a little mixed. _ The men who sec the crooked. are those who see the “straight” and then swallow it.—[Philadelphia Call. see —“ Let me off,” pleaded the fish drawn ashore in the net, “Why should 1?” asked the “Are you not caught in the “Oh, yes; but | plead the majesty of the law to let me go free.” it was fisherman, Tam in seine. [st Paul Herald, REFORM TOO. Col. Morrison tells it. Mr. Iickenspiel, one of the Colonel’s con- stituents, hi ways been a Republican, but last fall he became possessed of Mugwump inclinations, and even went so far as to at- tend a Democratic pow-wow which was held in a grove near the Colonel’s town. While the speakers were shouting loudly XPENSIVE. It must be true. 1 the | for the reform, wg pockets went through fessional way. The next Hickenspiel. “Well, Mr. Hickenspiel, you are going to vote for Democracy and reform this time, I | understand,” No, zu Mf St. Louis pick ‘the crowd in a pro- Ce met Mr. day Morrison k mit der olt bart Why, 1 » Mr. IHickenspiel?” “Vell, I Rebublican vor tzwenty-four year, und noddings happen to me, but ye nven I go mit dot reformers he schtes my bocket-} wess I go pack mit der oli barty. now Dot's [Chicago News. MR. POTTS DEAL IN PORK. “Lthink, my dear, March pork is a good purchase,” ‘said Mr. Potts, taking another panc id skimming over the paper. I guess we don’t need any, thank you,” said Mrs. Potts. “If you ; October butter anywhere, you might send up a jar. You don’t understand me, my dear, I mean a little speculation. Let’ me show you how it works, Now I buy 250 barrels of pork at $12.37 1-2 a barrel.” Heavens and earth. Mr. Potts, where a going to put it all.” Don’t be so fast, wi the pork myself, or have | it. “Tthought you just said you were going to send up 250 barre “No, I didn’t. y is way off in Chica * Tow do you know whether it is good or not, then? “T me, it is good or ba T don’t ever see nything to do with k Tam going to bu what do I care whether I merely go long.” go long minding wife, 1? “You me n you own busin “No,no. That’sa technical phrase. Let me explain it to ye You see when I go long, the bucket shop goes short.” “Short?” “Short, Mrs. Potts.”” “Short of pork? Why don’t they get some more, dear?” “Good Lord. wife plain as day. Her buy 250 barrels of mi them bears ** Don’t you know any better, Mr. Potts, than to talk like that before your own children? I should think you'd be ash i yourself, sir. You get’ worse and worse every day.” “You don’t know | about, Mrs. Potts. When f buy 2 barrels of pork it shows I feel like a bull.” “T should think you'd feel like an idiot “1 buy 250 barrels of pork as I said before, Potts, and cover it with margins.” “What kind of margins “Oh, 5-cent margins, to begin with,” “T shouldn't think margins as cheap as that would be good for nothing. You'd better let me go and pick them out for you. Mr. men never know about s thing: “T buy 250 barrels of pork, Mrs. Potts, and hold on to it until March.” “T thought you said you wouldn't have any to hold As [said before, Mra, Potts, Thuy 2 barrels of pork and hold on to it uniil Ma comes, and then pork, according to of thinking, will be worth a dollar or two more a barrel than I gave for it, and PIL be anywhere from $250 to $500 ahead. What your the whole thing is as Igo toa bucketshop and k; that, don’t you sce, id mea bull.” alk dors what you are M comicbooks.com