Judge — April 18, 1885 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. OYEZ! OYEZ! Her voice was harsh and she jawed Till the man was cra From morn till n 1 it was chin, chin, chin, And people who couldn't help hearing the din Knew well that th had a And he cried in the depths of his wild despair I've loved, I've loved her through good and ill, And with all her faults I love her st [Boston Courier, ross to bear said to have been discovered ‘in the heart of Mexic Ilope Mexico will not have the heart-burn.—[Boston Commercial Bulletin. A fashion paper adies will not sas much as usual the coming season, ‘This seems to indicate a hot summer [Philadelphia Call. —An outlay of $2 will clothe a whole fam- ily in Porto Rico for one year. It isa kind of Washington bull all the year around. [Omaha Bei —Yellow is going to be a fashionable color this year and if you attend a picnic and sit down ona custard pie don’t feel that you are [Detroit Free Press. Mamma,” said x little four-year-old, 3 the calf of my leg isn’t it?” “Well, then,” slapping his thigh, 3 must be the cow.”—[ Exchange. —One kind of appointment Cleveland is conferring generally upon democratic office- rs 1s dis-appointment, — Still: there’s more to follow.—[ Merchant Traveler. —About the only reference to base ball in holy wiit that we remember is where Re- becca goes to the right field with a pitcher. The right tield for water.—[Chicago Ledger. Snodkins says, apropos of President Eliot's report, that he believes base ball is a very ancient sport indeed, for the daughter of Cyrus the Great was Atossa, [The Crimson. “Tow m ny Wars : ere waged Papil—* Six.” Teacher— «Enumerate them.” Pupil—‘ One, two, three, four, five, six.”"—[French Joke. —‘*Thave neither time nor in pass ries on the deceased,” remarked a funeral orator. Panegyrics,” corrected a parson present. ‘As you pl 2 remarked the orator, stiflly, ‘‘ the words are anonymous.”—[Boston Journal. nation to sith asks: “Tow should a young man kiss me?” Well, if you're as homely as your handwriting, and if'you have many such bad spells as in this letter, we should’ prefer to kiss you by proxy.--[ Boston Times. =-Atlanta wants to know if her public spirit is dying out, The way to test it is to trap a rat and let him loose in the street. If you can’t raise a crowd your p. 8. is gone. [Detroit Free Press. —A woman who has taken in sewing for a couple of years to support her lazy and drunken husband says it 18 so surprising that the Board of Health has not had her indicted for “ maintaining a nuisance.” {Norristown Herald. —‘‘ Do you know that there is a great dif- ference between the country owl and the Boston owl?” ‘ No.” ‘Well, there is; the uncultured bird you know, says ‘Tu whit tu whoo,’ but the cultured one says, «Tu whit tu whom.’ ”—[Boston Budget. —It was a Tennessee couple who left Washington of a Monday night without call- ing at the White House, remembering that it was wash-day, and that the ironing would come Tueslay and the baking Wedni [Detroit Free Pre: ery voter, Cleveland in his in- augural, exercises a public trust.” You're way off there, Grover. Here’s one, at least, who sells his vote on no other ms than spot cash. ‘Trust, forsooth!—[Peck’s Sun. —lItis said that an enthusiastic Vassar Col- lege girl has sworn to let her hair go un- banged antil the White Louse is again oc- Reputlican, Hence her per- e will be improved for Just orristown Herald, ‘ome years ago a lady in Boston died. Her husband, being astrong spiritualist, de- sired to hold communication with his de- and inquired if she was happy. “Ob, was thereply, “ Lam happy he e; yet, after all, it isn’t Boston.” (Burlington Hawkeye. —Visitor (to convict ina western peniten- tiary).—Do they treat you kindly, poor fel- Convict itiously)——Well, I don’t want to make any complaints, sir, but it’s hardly right to make a man listen toa Bap- tist minister ever inday morning when he was born and brought uj copalian. [Omaha Bee. —An exchange says: While we do not sympathize with the denunciations of the roller skating rinks hurled from the pulpite of the country, there is no question that our young people have been pushing this form of amusement to foolish extremes.” The last two words are meant probably to include both the heads and the feet of rinkers. [Detroit Free Pr —“ It's a boy!” young Mr. Happiday gleefully shouted, as he rushed in and planked a ten-dollar note down on the bank- unter; “the daisiest little feller you ever saw. Here, just put this on deposit in his name, will you? I’m going to add to it every year and call it the fresh heir fund.” It isapt to be that way with the first. [Boston Journal. THE LE The me A plan bi He st And rake L-HEADED MERCIA t now devises Ky k trade to win advertises the shekel in. [Boston Courier, WANTED TO B URE. “Do you mean to say I’m a liar?” said a tall man bracing up to a sawed-off specimen about as big as a keg of nails “That's just what I mean,” replied the little one, standing square on his pegs, and not fluctuating to any appreciable extent. “Well, that’s all vit continued the tall man, not advancing from his original position, ‘that’s all right. I just wanted to be sure whether you meant it or not, for 80 many men are liars nowadays that really I don’t know who to believe. Let’s have something to drink.”—[Merchant Traveler. TELEGRAPHING TO A DETROIT FRIEND. “Can I get some one to write a message for me?” asked a lady, accompanied by another lady, at one of the windows of the Western Union Chicago office Saturday. Then ayoung man was detailed to do the work, He sat down at the table, flanked on either side man wrote The young » March 14.” One of the «lover his shoulder and said: ‘This isn’t the lath, is it?” ‘The young man said he could not be mis- taken “T thought it was the 15 young lady remarked, addin ward tendency of the voice: 15th?” ‘The young man insisted it was the Mth, ** What day does St. Patrick’s Day come on?” asked No. 1, crossing her hands on her lap like a corpse. “Tuesday, the answered. “Then this is the 14th,” “To whom do you sent?” » my friend in Detroit.” sighed the young man; “the name, e, and the number.” “Oh, yes; I forgot that. tthat? W. h,” the second with an up- ‘isn’t it the 17th,” the young man No. 1 concluded. wish this message Why, to Thomas Thomas W.-G-i-b-b-s— Me—I don’t Tommy's number T haven't it.” “How stupid in me. But never mind. Just send it to him as I told you, and then I'll write to him to-night, when I go home lat the telegra aph office and get the age. How much is that? “Nothing. You haven't told me what to cr yet,” said the young man, The young ladies looked at each other like a couple of interrogation points ** off their feet.” and one of them called for water, know, Kitty, what is while the other used a powder rag instead of lip her handkerchief on her went out the young man s I'm paid for in this office monotonous because the land Herald, As they his is what The job gets all act the same NOT FUNNY. ry icture of George Eliot is ‘ going the rounds” of the American press. George Eliot was great but she was not beautiful. Beauty had nothing to do with the modeling of her nose, neither did graceful outlines assist in shaping her chin, but the god of thought clapped nis hand on her head when the work had been completed. [Arka saw Traveler. MODE: OF COURTSHIP. Chesnuts in new shells: ‘The tailor presses his suit. ‘The shoemaker lays his aw] at her feet. The blacksmith strikes the iron when it is hot. ‘The carpenter says her society his existence. he woodchopper offers himself as her feller. The mason believes his chances rest on a good foundation when he informs her that her refusal would be mortar-fying to him. ‘The sailor first ascertains how the land lies, then approaches her when she’s in, stays and informs her that he is in need of a first mate, The dairy man declares he is bound to heifer and can love no udder. he furniture dealer is so much in with her that he is willing to accept her fection on instalments, one-tenth down. ‘The poet wooes her with a sonnet and her big brother starts out in search of him with a shotgun. The “ funny man” adz joy to love approaches her with comicbooks.com