Judge — April 4, 1885 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. FIARD PAN ONCE MORE. ‘The Relea of Ertrevagance in Wi jaton Receives a Check. aL TO THE N.Y } Tue reign of economy inaugurated by President Cleveland continues with unabated zeal. ‘The craze to ent down expenses has extended to every department, and the heads of the different bureaus vie with each other as to which can strike the lowest notch. | This was well exemplified by an incident || that occured to-day. The President, while ig through the kitchen on a tour of in- spection, at 3 o'clock this morning, observed that the fifth assistant cook was greasing the griddle with dutfer, previous to frying some slap jacks. ‘The President was thunder- | struck. He scowled at the Parisian refugee so hard that the second dishwasher, who happened to be looking on, became nervous and let an egg drop upon the floor, “What do you mean?” President to the fifth assist wasting good butter in this manner: want to ruin the country and destroy my chances for 1888?” | “Bat the Diplomatic Corps are coming to | breakfast!” expostulated the cook. | “Then let ‘em eat said the Presi- dent, “we must reduce expenses.” Then he told the supervisor of the kitchen to be sure and save all the potato pealing “T heart a Philadelphia has got out a patent for converting Murphy skins in- to dynamite,” said Grover, ** and he will pay a good price for White House peelings.” ‘The Secretary of the Navy can be seen any morning in his little hall bedroom laboriously shining his shoes upon the top of his paper | covered trunk, | The Secretary of the Treasury will soon || issue an order forbidding the clerks in his Department locking up the vanlts, as it is liable to wear out the keys. This will be good news to many visiting Democrats, and arush to the Treasury is looked for. The handsome Secretary of War is up at daylight each morning chopping wood in the back yard. It is rumored that he intends making the hours'’of his clerks from 4.4. w. to | early candle-lightin’. They will have their Sundays off, however. Off the Bench, ‘There was a young lady called Ruth Whose beau was a penniless youth, When the sly little fox Craved an opera box, They say ‘twas like drawing a tooth. StunNinG—some of the performances at the rinks. Teras Siftings should mend its riddles, Its conundrums are O. K, | Jow's patience was wonderful. Though his body contained many square achers, he | did not boil over. | _ The Postmaster General gets around at | ‘Tur difference between the paragraphist 5 o'clock each morning and sweeps out his | and the carieaturist ie, that one draweon bis Department. Yesterday he discharged 5 | imagination and the other on something else. clerk who happened to drop a blot of ink up- | on a postage stamp, thus spoiling it. . It is said that the Secretary of the Interior | = is negotiating with Sitting Bull to bring on | ‘* MAN never wins a greater victory than a couple of hundred Indians to take the | when he conquers his own besetting sin.”— places of the employes in the Interior yyyitehalt Times. When he puts down (anlar whiskey, for instance? ‘he aborigines will work cheaper than the , Whiskey, ance! present clerks, and the Secretary wishes to . add an air of naturalness tohis Department. | Micawnen’s 1.0. 's were early English MIDNIGHT MODESTY. Mu. O'Rareerty—* Quick out or that, Widdy Murphy! Yer house ixhurning on yer.” Wipow Mureny Och, Mr. O' Rafferty, all right ;~ but I’m that modest that 1°U not lave ther house 'till ye sit down on yersilf /” amusement notes.” They had the same value as most of those uttered by late Ameri- can dramatic reporters—that of the paper they are on. Reform in Kansas. “Ex-Gov. Grick, of Kansas,” a Washing- | ton dispatch to a Democratic daily says, “* de- sires. a change in postmasters of Kangas from the top tothe bottom. He says that hardly without exception every postmaster is the | ‘ . editor of sone newspaper: he income of A MONUMENT is to be erected in Rome to the postmaster in many cases is absolutely | Bruno, who was burned two hundred and aecesary to sustain the newspaper itself.” eighty-Bive years ago for heress. ‘The in- It is understood that the Kansas Democracy scription will, of course, be ‘Well done, will insist that the income of new postmasters | good and faithfal servant,” and this is no shall not be used to sustain newspapers, every , a * | chestnut” either, for Bruno was more than office to have a ‘ Bascom’s liker store” in connection with it. roasted. comicbooks.com