Judge — April 4, 1885 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Antony's last Ante. sy aaa, 1am dying. Egypt, dying, Ebbs the crimson life-tide fast, And our holy Roman circus All is busted up at last; All our quict evening rambles, All our champagne sups are done, But, by gosh, old Cleopatra, You're the gal that takes the bunn. By old Isis and Osiris Kiss Octavia back in Rome, Let not Cesar even seize her Or she'll make him sick of home; Think of me, oh! Cleopatra, ‘Though the thought should give you pain, Don’t forget the tony Tony When the hornets nest again. Let not Caesar's servile minions Mock the lion thus laid low, I can lick bim with one finger If he'll give me me half a show; I know well that he’s the Roman, With the greatest stock of Gaul, But he could not scare or run me If be even owned it all. Should the base plebian rabble Dare assail my fame at Rome, Throw ‘em in among the tigers Who their cursed pates will comb; “Twas a cold day, there at Actium, That I will not soon forget, But there ain't no Roman rummies Can punch me around, you bet Let this knapsack be my pillow, Get my army musket down, Shoot her fifty times, my darling, When my spirit skips the town; ‘Tell the boys to all drink hearty, When they gather at my wake, And this is my final order, Tell ft to ‘em for my sake Seek, my men, our native city, Paint her red from City Hall To the finest shrines and temples, Kalsomine ‘em, one and all; Tell to those who kick against it In the old eternal cit., That of all—the noblest Roman Has passed in his checks and quit. As for thee, star-eyed Egyptian, Merriest masher on the Nile, Wear a dress as black as Hades And a weed upon your tile; Don't you smile on any fellow, Give ‘em all the dirty shake, Swear that I, your only ‘Tony, Was the kid that took the cake. am dying, Egypt, dying, But don’t you begin to dye, Let the pallid hue of sorrow On your cheek henceforward lie; ‘Think of all the “ Jersey Lightning” And Mumm’s Extra Dry we've quaffed.— But I'm getting very tired— Cleopatra!— Rome!—Good aft! Mr. Ranpatt, it is said, is annoyed | at the omission from the appropriation bill of ahalf million item for steel cruisers, but the country could endure to have had the Demo- cratic House omit other steal items from the | one since he went to Washington? AN A CONSCIENTIOUS CONUNDRUM. Jounny—**Sa Poor Pap. |. Pa, the Plumber is down stairs with his bill.” Well, tell him L’m not in.” Jounny— But you would be lying, Pa.” Poor Para—‘* No, my child, you run and tell him.’ Simplicity not Jeffersonian. His Situation. “Wat are you doing now-a-days, Mr. ‘Tue short-haired spoils-seekers have been! Johnsou?” straggling back to New York daily during the four weens since the inauguration. As they marched down Broadway in the morn- ing by the bright-light of the first days of March, with the light of coming triumph on their faces; as also in the manner of their home-coming we are remembered of onrarmy at the First Bull Run, before and after. They marched well, did those ‘‘ boys” in white hats and light overcoats, the renaissance of the candidus garments of the old Roman office seckers, They marched well, but alas, how different were their ideas of march from their Ides of March. One of these for a long time Unreturning Braves discoursed to his fellows of one of the Halls—without a **u”—in good Gotham theologic phrase: “T don’t care a blank about not getting my work in with Grover. What galls me is the coldness of the cuss. Talk about Jacksonian Democracy coming back! D’ye s’pose Old Hickory would let us representative Demo- crats from Wayback hang around his door six weeks and never even offer us a two for- a-quarter cigar? Notbydamsite! “Cleveland blows about economy and Jeffersonian simplicity, d’ye mind. He don’t know the kiudergarten of simplicity. Why, fellers, I see in a Mugwump paper that old Jeff. give out eight thousand dollars’ worth or rum alone every year atthe White House. Has this Buffalo galoot set up the beer for any (Chorus of ‘‘No’s.”) He may call it old-fashioned simpli a but its a new style stinginess, the way I size it up. Heluva Democrat, he is.” ‘Oh, I accepted a position at the Secstars Skating Rink, last weck.” “What sort of a position? ” **A sort of sedentary vocation. I’m solid at the rink, I can tell you, My base of supplies is all right, and ‘the ‘knock-down’ thrown in.” “Ob, | remember, I was there when you accepted the situation—gracefully.”” A certatn young lady named Mary To her lovers was always contrary, 1 thought her so mean, For she made them shave clean Whenever they wished to be hairy. ad A PERSONAL WASH. Mistress (angrily) Won't wash! Why, you said you vashed, when I hired you.” HeLr—"/ meant me face an’ me hands, mum.” comicbooks.com