Judge — April 4, 1885 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

é 7 P 3 radoa! American Mother Goose. Two ends and a midddle, the c om's got a fit of the blu The little dog grins when you step « And light the cat's tail for a fuse! 's in the fiddle, his shins, Half-cooked dumplings, my son John Went to bed with his over-shoes on; Guess after this he can sleep in the barn,— Hey-diddle dumplings, my son John! “Whither, Oh Whither, you office-be What is it now you are going to try “To sweep up the office, and pick up the pi, And I will be back again—bye-and-by fly? “ Where are you gol “Going to the fountain, sir,” she said, “May I go too, when the cows are fed’ “We always milk at the pump,” she said. z to, my pretty maid?” Oleomargerine? I should stutter! T'll take my chance at home-made butter, — Lard and hair oil, half and balf, Olcomargerine? I should laugh! Little Miss Mutlle, she sat on a rufite, Eating a piece of mince-pie; She swallowed a plum, And her folks took her hum— They will meet in the sweet bye and bye, “Mud pies, mud pies!” the youngster cries. And I just ache to duck him! Lo! the gentlemar. lies In the midst of those pies, And never will know what struck him! A man with a shout crawled up a sink spout To enquire the way to knowledge, “He is drunk,” they said, as they put him to bed, And sent for his friends at the college. On Rings and Ringing. I ax going to write an essay on rings and ringing. Sometimes they are spelt wring and wringing. There are a great many kinds of rings, but the girls like wedding rings and diamond rings the best. Give her one wedding ring and lots of diamond rings, and the chances are you'll get on with her. When a fellow marries a girl he puts a wedding ring on her, that is only ringing the finger, and is a perfectly legal process. Sometimes he wrings her heart afterwards, and that can be legally done, too, but wring- M—'' Another passenger train robed by a couple of despa- Where is our boasted American eonrage, when tro men ean intimé- date a car load? Oh, if I had only been there! T'd ” ing her neck is forbidden by law. ‘This lit- | tle distinction is important, and all who are about to marry should observe it carefully. A girl need not ring her fellow’s finger if she don’t want to, she will find it easier to wring his heart before marriage than after. When a girl is a belle she is often said to have ringing laugh, that is quite correct because bells do ring. That is their business. Some | people—such as bell boys and maids of all work—dislike the sound of a ringing bell. A laundress might very properly be called a wringing belle, that is if she was at all good looking, for she has a great deal of wringi todo. A ringlet isa lock of hair all fixed Wire— Oh, Samuel, I have just seen Samurt—“ Oh, your Granny! I don Wire (indignantly)—“ You don’t, hey : into little rings—its name implies that, don’t it? You can buy lots of them at any hair dresser’s if yon want them, and they don’t come very high, either. Some people make their girls give them one for nothing, but that is not easy. In some cases the ringlets aro a part of the girl, and no girl likes to give herself away, whether the ringlet is her own or not. “Say, Mister ; “t beli got anything to spare today?” A ring-leader is one who leadsaring. The value of the position greatly depends on the ring he leads. ‘Thereis nothing square about aring, that is why I do not lke it, but everything that is round don’t mean a ring, either, Since my daughters grew up there have been lots of fellows round, but I don’t see that any of fem mean a ring. Then my daughters go to balls and dance round dan- ces, but that don’t scem to mean rings, either. Then they get good round sums from me for their dre and tickets and trips, but that does not lead to a ring a bit more. The only ring in the whole business is the door bell, and if never stops. I kicked a gh in spirits!” well, you had better wear a false nose, then.” out one of the ringers the other day, telling him he had come too often on a dvotless Jerrand, I guess he won't be round so spry |again. If that works well, I mean to try it on another, for my ringing time is come now, |and what I want to ring in this house is a few changes. PATER PAMILIAS, comicbooks.com