Judge, 1885-03-28 · page 4 of 16
Judge — March 28, 1885 — page 4: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# "The Judge" Page Analysis This page contains two separate pieces of Victorian-era domestic humor: **"Lilian's Lament"** depicts a woman driven to desperation by her brother Jack's amateur cornet playing at night. The satire targets the torture of living with an incompetent musician—Jack's terrible skills and inconsiderate practice hours literally drive his sister to physical exhaustion and despair. Her increasingly desperate pleas go unanswered, reducing her to comical exasperation. **"A Delicate Hint"** (top cartoon) shows two women on a path with a small dog, with a sign reading "BRIDAL PATH." The joke plays on the double meaning: one woman prefers the bridal path, the other doesn't—likely satirizing marriage prospects or romantic pursuits of unmarried women. **"The Judge Judged"** is a reader response defending roller skating against a previous article's criticism, arguing it's more accessible than ice-skating. The humor relies on recognizable Victorian domestic situations: noisy neighbors, family conflicts, and emerging leisure activities.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THE JUDGE. a, ICATE HINT. Crariuir— Let us go this way.” Crara— J prefer going that path.” fAcp Lilian’s Lament. Jack has invested in a cornet! No one, outside of our family, can imagine the amount of misery that is crowded into that one little sentence. A cornet by itself may be a very innocent and inoffensive instrument, but in the hands of an amateur it is nothing short of diadoli- cal! 1 know whereof I speak—Jack’s room is next to mine, he always practices at night and is in full blast about the ‘* witching hour when church yards yawn,” etc. Talk about church yards “yawning’—they are not a circumstance to me—my mouth has grown | rerceptibly larger since Jack has commenced his midnight serenades. Teall it cruelty to animals; Jack is grow- growing thin and haggard from loss of sleep —so am I freak, where isthis toend? ‘That question is worrying me into an early grave; I only weigh ninety nine now, if this goes on I shall | soon be afraid to stand in a dranght for fear of blowing away. I have implored my only brother, with | tears in my eyes, to desist—‘* if only for one | short hour,” but he treats me with silent contempt, If he wishes to hire me out to the great and only Barnum as the Skeleton Lady, he is certainly getting me in good condition. The other night I grew desperate—the tooting fiend in the next room had kept me awake for two hours with his ‘‘ linked sweet- ness long drawn out”—Job himself would have remonstrated! I banged on the door till my arms ached, and cried “fire!” till I Unless he tires of his musical | Finally I wrote him a note and poked it under the door, I was inwardly sizzling with vrath, but with the wisdom of the serpent I ed that ‘discretion was the better part of valor” so I only said: Dear Jack! Won't you please stop that awful noise? In a few moments I received this answer, | Dear Lilian, | No Yours gently, but firmly, ‘Jack. I do think brothers are perfectly horrid! My wife, I'm afraid, is a poet, | But I'm happy to say she don’t know it, For she’s shockingly vain, And with that in her brain, The Lord only knows how she'd go it Money makes the mare go, and it is con- ceeded that money generally makes the Mayor stay. Matipa’s lover to her little sister: Myrtle, give me a kiss, on . ENO F won't, you asked Tildy for just one, in the parlor, before dinner, and you took | two.” was black in the face; I am positive Jack | heard me (I don’t see how he could very well help it, for I made noise enough to raise the dead) but he gave no sign, only made that eful cornet wail and toot louder than Yours entreatingly, | e Titan. “The Judge” Judged. A ROLLER'S VIEWS ON ROLLER “' SKATING.” Ix your issue of Feb. 28 appears an article in con- demnation of roller skating, the author of which has evidently never mastered the art of ‘* wheeling the human body about on castors, as if it were a sofa,” if indeed he ever mounted the “little wheels. As a believer in the healthfulness and grace of this pastime, when practice? in moderation, will you allow me to say a word in its defence, thus letting both sides be represented? The keen enjoyment of ice-skating can only be enjoyed by a few who are naturally robust enough | to stand the violent exercise, Roller skating can be | practiced by all of moderate health, and has the additional advantage of being accessible at all sea sons of the year. The reason given for its popularity, that the “little wheels” render the skater’s footing insecure, and give an advantage to the young ladies in the support of a manly arm, thus giving facilities for flirting, will cause a smile of amusement among skaters, According to that it would be the begin- ners among the ladies who would be sought after, since when a lady gets to be @ good skater she no longer needs the support of a “manly arm.” The requisite of a good Indy skater would be that her footing would be insecure, and the fortunate in- structor who gets a lady who hangs onto his arm like grim death would be the envy of his fellows, Asarink “instructor” I must say that “flirting” fs about the last thing I would think of when one hundred and fifty pounds, more or less, is laid on my arm, and I have to haul it around the rink by | main force. No, my dear Jupox,"wedon't flirt with the beginners, And in saying, or at least plainly =) comicbooks.com