Judge — March 21, 1885 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

as THE JUDGE. TWO Hr— As Lain the only son, married. We will he very happy. Suk (sarcastically)—** Well, ax Lam the only daughter, doubt we will be very, very, happy 2” with us, too, No The Leech and the Lady. Doctor Natomy’s office table is invariably adorned with a multitude of bottles a boxes of all kinds and dese i These the little Natomy’s are to touch under penalty of summ: unish- ment, but little Johnnie has an itching for examining these forbidden mysteries, and he pursues his researches whenever he can find un opportunity to do so. A few days ago he escaped the vigilance of his nurse, and made his way to his Papa's office unnoticed and unobserve The first bottle he seized upon contained asolution of sulphuric acid, which he immediately. pro- ceeded to spill upon his newest kilt suit. Then, seeing another bottle on the table that contained what he called ‘a lot of worms,” he dropped the sulphuric acid onto a fine Turkish rug, and started in ona ch in Natural History. The “ worms” were nothing more nor less than hungry leeches, and as Johnnie ressed it, “they did squirm and wriggle antifally.” Just then, hearing the click of his father’s latch-key in the front door, this bad little boy seized the bottle, ‘* worms” and all, and made his escape to the nursery with- out being seen. Here he crawled under the baby’s crib and proceeded to examine his living curiosities TOO | at his leisure. He let the animals out, one | room, dre MANY, 1 shall expect to have my mother live with us when we get I shall expect my mother to live by one, onto the floor, and was enjoying their mana-uvres, when his mama entered the d to go out to an afternoon tea, She called Johnnie to come and kiss her good-bye, and while our young hero was obeying her commands the baby crept under the crib and was immediately seized by two hungry leeches. Baby set upaseries of yells that would not have disgraced a Commanche Indian on the war path. Consternation 1 Mama and the nurse, and when Baby was at last pulled from under the crib, a general panic took place in the nursery at sight of he She was red in the face, emitting the most blood eurdling shrieks imaginable, while a huge, black worm was clinging to each chubby little fist. Mrs. Natomy promptly fainted on the spot. Doctor, hearing the yells, supposed that at least the house must be on_ fire, and reached the nursery with a water bucket in each hand, just as the nurse, with a pair of tongs, was trying to pull the reptiles from the baby’s hands. He was about to empty his water pails on his fainting wife wher slic opened her eyes and cried don’t,” whereupon he turned his attention to nurse and Buby. “Why these things are’ Iceches,” he ex- claimed, and then he called for salt. As all | veniently could. In the servants in the house were by this time in the nursery, he was soon supplied with half « dozen salt-sellers. Johnnie had often been told he could catch a bird by putting salt on its tail, but he was somewhat surprised to see his Papa perform the salt act on the leeches’ tails to make them let go. When quiet was restored, Mrs. Natomy reconstructed herself, and proceeded to Mra. Fitzwilliam’s tea. Now, while our lady was fainting on the floor of the nursery, a stray leech must have escaped and fastened itself to her bonnet or head gear, for While she was partaking of an ice and chatting pleasantly with young Fitz- william, she suddenly became ‘aware that something cold and slimy touched her neck. There was a mirzor directly in front of her, and, as she glanced upwards, she caught a reflection of herself, and discovered a worm bigger than all the others dangling from the lobe of her left ear, just below her diamond ear drop. This time she did not faint, but dropped her ice, Dresden plate and all, upon the floor, and called for salt. Young Fitzwilliams, when he saw Mrs, Natomy’s ear, gazed at her for a moment in speechless horror, then concluding he'd ‘*got ‘em again,” he precipitately fled from her presence The first waiter she approached dropped his tray of dishes, and likewise fled, and the other guests got away as fast as they con- a short time Mrs. Natomy had the room to herself, and on the side board she discovered a dish of salt. ‘The leech finally detached, and holding her handkerchief to her bleeding auricle, she made her escape to the strect as best she could, without saying adieu to anybod Once safe in the bosom of her family, she fell into a fit of hysterics, but soon recovered herself to administer another castigation to Johnnie. When she had finished whipping, there were more hysterics, then another spanking. In fact there were so many spankings and so many hysterics, that nothing short of a leech will be able to draw the inflammation from Johnnie, and enable him to assume a sitting posture. Dr. tomy is not a homeopath, but he takes enough stock in the old adage similia similibus curantur to apply leeches to Mrs. Natomy’s temples. ¥. CUTTER. Matrimonial Item. “T peteve I'll get married and settle down. I wish you would look around and pick me out a wife,” said John Bingham, a Dallas dude, to Mrs. Morris. “What sort of a wife doyou want?” asked Mrs. Morris, who is a very sensible woman, “In the first place she must be beautiful.” “What else?” “She must be modest.” “ What else?” **She must be musical and well educated.” “Anything else?” “She must be worth #250,000 in her own right.” “Tf that sort of a lady marries a fellow e you, she will have one other qualifica- tion,” said Mra. Morris. “What's that “She will have to be crazy. ings. '—Tezas Sift- THe man who swears is not a good talker. —Merchant Traveler. comicbooks.com