Judge — February 28, 1885 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. OUGH Doctor (angrily)--** Well, well, what i Patient T must have help; De ve t he forgot his duty, an’ the hen ” met. with no opposition rawled around from the windo an rowd, she raided th he ti lutions acles be dynamitet when th forgot their wild saw a pair ov big wn on’em like thesignal lites ov ao , and fled in all direc- tions—under the seats, inter the desks, outer the windos, and one frightened little member would have disapeared in the stove if it hadn't been red-hot, Whether the teacher frighten us, or whether s couldn't catch us I don’t know, Certain it is evr: “ exploder” escaped, and I havn't bi on ter irther calls to the **$ . W. B. they have adopted their own suggestion and “MUMZ” only wanted to ther word. ** CLYDE.” The Treacherous Type. widow of one of Tombstone’s most nt citizens is greatly incen Sh to give her dear departed a ng up” funeral, as she expressed it, and ¢ it favorably noticed in the local paper. So she interviewed the reporter herself on the subject, telling him to lay particular stress on the closing hymn, “Believing, we rejoice to see the curse removed.” Imagine her horror and « ernation the next morn- ing, when she read: “As the remains were removed, the choir sang that beautiful and touching hymn, ‘Beleving, we rejoice to see the cuss removed ’.”” he matter foo * Well, goodness sakes alice, do you take this for an intelligence office?” OBUFP, Heavenward Journeys. Wares the dynamiter mixes leadly compo vile (OF nitric And its wid and some common lard.) nthe making, and Vigh a Why then he's al by hi nwa petand When the tt wr the heels his pet mule And isn't wisely standing on his guard Oh, the long-eared cuss so ¥ always kicks out at the fc | ted by his own And then he's pet’ The Modern Wife. **T see you wear very fine cuffs.” “Yes: ‘my wife gave them‘to me.” They Agreed. “Mn. Bases, your name is William, — I don’t like to hear people stop you in the street and address you with ‘ Bill’, “T don’t either. Crushing. | Time 11:45 P.M. | Mr. Nightow] (gracefully bowing himself | v good nig your father for lor.” Miss Candor (repressing a n)—** Twill | man, that all might see. say good morning to him for you.” The Milkmaid’s Lovers. Tue milkmaid’s young, the milkm: And the milkmaid’s name is Mar, She can deftly turn a patent churn And s nof tt The plo And the maiden his love rejected, But he did not swear farmer's dairy. man made love to the milkmaid fair, | tear bis hair As the milkmaid fair expected. “Tm bound to heifer in peace or strife The maiden heard him mutter “The queen of the dairy shall be my wife And 1 won't have any but her,” “Tin in love with a druggist’s clerk,” she said, pray be not persist armacist Pn n Courier. Is Cleveland a Knife-Eater. Is the next administration to be one of knives or forks? isa question now pending at the National Capital. dinner party recently to the that the Democratic lady who t was horrified to see the cold r,actually disappear within—but ure? Of course, the e dreadful discovery to reports steel disappe why dwell on the woman confided another woman. “To think of it!” exclaimed the latter. “It's perfectly awful! I’ve always been a Demoer: nd have just prayed fora Demo- tic President, but I didn’t think it would come to this pass. And the worst of it is Cleveland is not young. — Ilis habits are fixed, and there will be no use trying to put the fork in his hand! _ It’s a hope! ; and then the tremendous contrast, you know, following on Mr, Arthur's elegant: manners and perfectly appointed entertainments. Oh,” he groaned, ** have we waited twenty-five years for a resident who eats with his knife? Ay ibune. The Thermometer. Ile got on the front platform of a Wood- ward uvenue car yesterday morning and had a brief conversation with the driver before entering. When he sat down the subject of conversation had already been opened. was about the state of the thermometer. “JT looked at mine as I left the hou: marked ashiverish | r. “and it mark twelve deg below. “What! only twelve below exclaimed another. ‘* Must be something wrong there, Mine showed fifteen and was going down at that.”” “Yours must have been in a warm place,” said the third passenger. ‘I have a very reliable thermometer and it showed a little over sixteen degrees below as | took the car.” Two or three others had their say and when the cold had been brought down to twenty degrees below, the mean mon arose and, He opened the front door and the ther- mometer he hung up was handed in to him. He took it and passed it from man to It registered ex- actly seven below. Not a word was said for a long time, but the silence was at last broken man saying tis to be sprung on truthful men in this fashion ['ll not ride on the cars again this winter.”—Detroit Free Press. comicbooks.com