Judge — February 14, 1885 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. appropriate, quotation; “ Musick has clam shells to smooth the savaje breast with.” az riten a bullytin-bored for future prosperity to read, I’d add, “Savajes dezirin to be smoothed will oblige by calling durin’ oflice hours.” ‘Therz az meny kinds ov musick az there iz weddins, an one kind or another iz sure to follow to a weddin’, bi the way. The most poplar and undying iz the hand organ. When this iz run bi foot power an’ kept in the house, it iz called achurch-organ or melodian, This last iz a Latin word from “ Melo,” a cow, and ‘* Dian,” dyin’. — Lit- rally it menz, “A cow dyin’.”” You will notis the instrument always starts off on the tune whitch the cow iz supposed to have perisht onto. My father uzed to be a musick teacher, but lately hez took to loafin, an’ sez it pays just about uz well, and don’t require so much exershun, It seems ter me, everybody iz took the idea that tha have a dooty to perform in this direction, and pound onto peaners, scrape onter fiddles, or blo inter cornets till enybody would think they’d bust their bilers.” sister Flora heard "tw hionable to pla acatarrh on a banj soshe gotit. (A 3 meals (Week's a cat I y from the house ev an jo I mene), and we had it regular, a day for several weeks. was; the cat gut a wi: time sis played. I'll catch itif Jim seez these things)! But now the banjo took a hangs up in the parlor by a ribbon what sis hooked offer me. with Freddy squeckt, gave out). Peoples idears ’bout_musick are as varius az the musick itself, if not more so. The other evenin’[ went to the operer ov the “Bow-legged hemien Gurl,” with sis and her bo, which laved musick orful. Musick? No siree! Cat concerts iz twas, without the privilege ov firin rock vem. I got quite excited watchin’ a little man in the orchestra, what pushed away on a fiddle-bow, (which was so ole that hair had grown onto it), an he workt till he az red Independent politician waiting for the Cabinet to be unlockt. Hedidn’t get ahead a bit either, for the ole bow waz there when I left and the little man appeared completely “‘tuckered out,” az Shakspear uzed ter say. Nobody noz the power of musick better az those what live in a house with a peaner into it. Its effect is sumtimz orfull, permeatin the system an taking long excursions inter the deeper recesses of the cuticle, it leaves the body ina enue morning when the ther- mometor iz way down cellar. My gurl said she wished peaners was 10 cents a'pe If I didn’t luv her pretty bad_I’d never speak ter her again. 10 cents, gi! It’s lucky I’ve got a angelick dispozition or she'd come home from school alone! A iron jew’s harp iz pretty musick if its far enuff off. So’s a gurl’s larf, tho there iz little ripples an sniffs, an’ he he’s about it that a fellerz got ter kinder get uzed to. Poets tell us the ‘ musick ov the waves” crawls off with the brown-bread; why don’t tha go drown theirselfs then if tha like it so much? One of the hardest things to encounter in musick iz sharps and flats, especially the latter. Father uzed to say he didn’t mind tho sharp unless attached to a knife handle, but he had to dodge the ‘ flats!” I don’t like our musick lesson in school, teacher says ‘‘ how many beats to measure?” Just az if I waza tailor-shop. Then the I traded uller for a wood goat who (It used to, I mene, ‘fore the wind A TAKING Boy—" Only ten dollars. Potieem a (suddenly poppit there's nothing mean about Jersey. with you.” An I’ve been under that ruler on the sion that the ‘ups and downs” ov life are not confined to musick. ‘© CLYDE.” Her Knell, but His Joy. Soon will the churel-maid let up on the dance, And then her swain will have some ads” per- chance; Soon will she stop her visits to the pl And when she does, he'll gladly bless the day and tickets to the ball— Those checks for seats at costly Music-hall— And oyster “feeds” for her, when sl Her escort’s purse most grievously doth For,—carriage hi w is o'e in a very short and fleeti She'll cease her call on hard-up lo} ‘That time ste dreads, he hails with sweet content, — The economic, whi rs “pile” pious days of Lent! “Jer, Josuys.” There are three hundred and forty-seven female blacksmiths in England, all of whom doas much work as a man. "If they are married you may gamble on it that there are certainly three hundred and forty-seven well- behaved men in England, with her ruler; “up,—down,— SIGN, I guess I can afford to walk away with that.” g into view)—** Ves, and ten months go with it, but You walk away with that coat, and 1 will walk away The Cost of a Crazy Quilt. Mus. Kes crazy quilt. and over, With a vast amount of pride she exhibited it to all her friends and relatives, and, point- | ing out its hidden beaut she declared it ‘as worth at least one hundred and fifty dol- lars. “One hundred and fifty dollars, only one hundred and fifty?” asked Mr. Kensington, us he heard her, one day, descanting on the subject. Mrs. Kensington shot him a withering glance, and wished she could annihilate him, for she thought he was trying to be sarcastic and facetious. | “Ttought to be worth more than tl | continued her husband without noticing her eyes, “for, as I figure it, it has cost upwards of two thousand dollars.” “* Are you demented Mr. Kensington, that you should make such a statement as that?” inquired Mrs, K. in horror and astonish- ment. “No, my dear,” he replied, calmly turning the pages of the daily papar, ‘ I’m perfectly sane und perfectly sober—in fact, I may s I consider myself crazy proof, as it were. Mad it been otherwise, that struck-by-light- ning picce of patch-work of yours would have made a raving lunatic of me long ago. You say its worth one hundred and fifty INGTON at last completed a She was at work on it two years comicbooks.com