Judge — February 14, 1885 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. THE LOQUACIOUS LATHERER. ALK about barbers and about barber's talk, none can compare with acertain latherer who holds forth ina town situated not far from the city of 7 This individual, half black, Ile is unabl wish to kno could read it ont of a newspaper. And i you don’t ask him he will tell you all of the | Jatest news,—anyhow, But this is not all the excellent points about the bronze jaw cooler. ‘The greatest | point ubout him is the extraordinary pains he takes in order to please all his custome: | You may step into hia shop, or simply look inside the door, the first greeting you get is || “come in,” “you next,” and soon, And | so you are the next (victim to wait.) He | has aman in the chair, and seemingly all through with him but the finishing touch: But just wait and listen, and you “will hear him unfold to the man in the chair all the | latest scandal and all the pedigrees of all the different inhabitants of the vi You will hear more and find out more than yon | everdid in one hour in your life. You will | hear those scissors clip-clip as they sail around the man’s ears, while the dark mesmerizer draws what information he can get out of | the man by his wonderful powers of mag- netism. You will find out just how old the victim in the chair is, whether he is married or single. If he is married, how many chil- dren he has, and whether they are boys or irl, If he ever had any die, ete. And if he is a single man you can hear who the young lady is with whom he keepscompany, | handle that ever existed, and he can give discount toany other hair- pale rin his line, and beat them ma any unfortunate circumstance does not apy mustache lifte is well posted. half blac is the most ag, < and half white, but the biggest wating knight of the bone- je either tor ad or write, but this seemingly to cripple the to what is going on in the universe, He | Ask him about any particular thing you and he will tell you it quicker than you if any; just how long he has been going with her, and if his girl dances or goes to the skating rink, and if he ever intends get- ting married; if so, when, If it happens to be a business man he in the chair, you can find out how much money he has taken | in so far in the day, and how much he took in the before, and what his net income isinayear, After all this information is given in by the patient, together with other | little odds, too numerous to mention, the dusky philanthropist seems to go into a daze nd the scissors seem to clip not quite so fast, and then again a little faster. You get tired and rise up to leave, but the wily sham- poo man spies your movement and calls out, | | “don’t go way,” “loose your chance,” ‘ be | through with this gem’en in a minit.” And | you wait just twenty-five minuteslonger ’till finally your chance has come. And after he shaves your face and adjusts your stock of news, he lets you out of the shop just one hour and forty-five minutes from the time you first went in, He leaves you with a nice clean face, shaved down to the skin—he wouldn’t leave | a hair on yon for anything, even if his shop was full of customers waiting, he must give you a clean shave, so you would “come agin | turer; [can’t remember whether ’twas M TREAD a account once bout a comic lec- k ‘Train, Horace Greely or Rev. Mr. Beecher; some ov those fellers anyway. He giv a lecture on ‘ Milk” an’ the only time he mentioned the subject was in the first line, | Ife razed a glass ov it an’ said, “ Milk,” and then branched off onto something else. Well, I thort I’d dolike him and announced my subject, “ Water” when I came onter the platform; az they didn’t seemed prepared for my scheme much, I had ter ask for a glass ov T the teacher lookt surprised like at first, an’ then, recoverin’ her mind, she remarkt, (ordible nuff to be herd), John isn’t your subject, and if you don’t stand up and Ucliver yourself in a civilized manner T'll | make you wish you had a whole pond full of water and wassta anding in it up to y ur ears!” 1 was crushed, ov course, an’ had ter cram my indignashun inter my breast-pocket, but I'l get even with her ’fore a nuther week iz gone bi. Tred az bad az I culd on purpose, but ov course I couldn't read very bad. (That's what Jitn calls a “ homemade” compliment. None the worse for t I gess, don't notise homemade molassis candy stepping down an’ | out yet). nd MUSICK. If the ordiunce will excuse my uzin’ a nuther’s words, I'll repeat that ole, but very pecially when it’s a goose quill. “Tur cholera is in Paris, fils and Emile Zola So is Dumas Much enduring Paris. Tue Parisian who loves his case and his life and also his country, is debating with himself whether it is better or worse to have | the cholera germ in Paris than the choleric Tue official count leaves no room to doubt | that two entire Texans voted for Belva. A| fac: like that will be likely to put an end to | Yankee doubts about southern chivalry. “Sixty Harvard freslimen have dropped | their Latin.” And the fatal consequence is that we have a season of earthquak ery: | hody knows that a fresliman’s Latin is a body 80 vast and solid that if suddenly dropped on- to mother earth the old woman is bound to feel it. | Youxa Democrat—‘‘ Now, then, our duty will be to redeem our Promises and] clean out the Augean stables.” | Old Democrat—** No, our duty will be to let the promises take care of themselves; and to take cure the—the what-dye-callem stables i don’ ‘t clean us out when the four years are jo) op.” | { STOLEN Motnrr— Youne Hoprrvn— SWEETS. “ Hey, what are you doing there?” “Its so dark I'can't see what,” comicbooks.co