Judge — February 7, 1885 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

| ] = THE JUDGE. An’ that night I'd made up my mind To ask her to have me at last Guess she saw what I was a-thinkin’, An’ tried not to be too hard, *Cause she took advantage of the game, An’ settled the matter by card She'd dealt, an’ hea Ned had passed, and it was my say T'd a good hand, and thought she bad, She was smilin’ in such a pleased way ts were the trumpers: Moll an’ Ned were chattin’ ri So says [, in a low meanin “Shall we play together Says she, ess UL ht gaily, tone now an’ for it alone,” Polished boots and polished manners don’t always go together. A voice from the deep—coal miners asking for more pay. ‘The story of a teamster’s life is nearly always a tale of whoa. Henry James is going to write another novel about Boston society. It is remarka- ble how fond some men are of continually turning over old rubbish. A St. Louis man has discovered that cod- fish skin makes durable leather. Nothing new about that. We discovered it long ago—in our boarding-house. There is a great demand now for snake- skins for making purses, diary covers, et This should create a scarcity of snakes in boots, and thereby increase the comforts of Kentucky life. Dio Lewis says he had no difficulty in etting into any bar-room in Iowa. ” We lieve you, Dio; but we won’t gamble on the caso with which you got out. Itis a pretty crooked path from the bar to the door, generally. Handling this language of ours is like fooling with a two-edged sword. Mention a man’s eagle eye, and he'll pea up like a pouter pigeon with gratified vanity; but speak of his parrot nose, and he'll’ knock you buzzing into the wood-box. In Sicily, girls are compelled to have their eye-brows shaved off just before marriage. Asa barber has to be ‘called in to perforin the operation, it is supposed the girls are thus taught the golden value of silence. My dear boy, don’t go to deluding your- self into the belief thut you are the greate: genius ever created, simply because you stand, intellectually, head and shoulders above the clod-hoppers in your native vil- lage. ‘Ten to one you appear so big only because they are so little. Another attempt is to be made to improve the condition of New York harbor. ‘The job will be deferred until some time in April, and then will be handed over to a dozen “ spring-cleaning ” women to execute. _ If they only leave the water where they find it, all will be well. ToM ADDIS. What They Say Abroad. “Icep goat” is the name given by bar- keepers in New York to their latest concoc- tion. It is composed of goat’s milk, gin and lemon-peel, with a due addition of sugar and ice. fee said that the “dudes” bleat for the new beverage.—London Truth. “Jef. Joslyn" as a Roller-Skatist. OV I looked back to those joyous winter days of my virgin youth,when T awakened this morning bowed down with a car- load of sad experi- x ence acquired at MD F that confounded Rink, and won- dered if it were posible that the awkward individual who busted up that roller-sautorial gathering last night, could have been represented by me, who in my boyhood’s happy hours, used to ‘cut the figure 8,” do ‘* spread eagles, and all that sort of thing upon the ice, while gliding a gracefal glode with steel-runners fustened to my frisky feet, until I was the “observed of all observers.” But these sundry contusions and various sprains on my weary frame, as I lie here in bed, convince me, on second thought, that the transmogrification did actually take place, and instead of being the bright particular star of the evening, as I fondly expected when I made up my mind to tackle roller- skating for the first time, I really blossomed ad as a clumsy chump in the highest ucidate: My wife is an adept with rollers; and as I had been bragging about the way I used to excel all my playmates and mash all the girls with my phenomenal s tical curves upon the glairy surfs of the frozen rivers, (long years before IT met my ‘better half,” of course) she bantered me to don those new- fangled four-whecled abortions on skates, at the Rink. “Why, certainly my dear;” said T ously; ‘the principle of skating is i the same, whether on runners or wheels. PIL show you, this very night, how to skim with a sinuous slide in and ont among the cirling throng, to perfection.” So I unconsciously went to my fate! Mrs. Joslyn complained of indisposition when we arrived at the place of my disgrace, and said she would sit up on the raised seats ind look at me skate for a while, before she joined me in the (Perfidious wo- man! 3 rica on my flesh-de- nuded cheek-bon this moment, there isa merry twinkle in her eye that tells me she | | anticipated my discomfiture at the time of her refusal, and wanted to be where she could get « good view of my sprawling antics de Acrobatique! Well, to makea long story short, [st on those treacherous wooden contrivances, and started off with a confident ** wateh.me while-I-do-something-pretty ” air, T launched out with the old familiar out- ward stroke, intending at the completion of same to poise myself in a statuesque manner on the tip of one foot, turn around quickly, then drop lightly on the other, and proceed on my sylph-like w This was a favorite trick of mine, when performing before an admiring crowd during my skatorial youth, and, as the saying is, it always “brought down the hou On this momentous occasion, however, it “brought down” the giddy gyrator wa aware that roller-skates required a peculiar inzeard twist in striking out, and the consequence was, my feet be tangled, and I ignominiously plum ward on m My sharp nose m savage attempt to bore a hole through upped me en- 1 for- smooth hard floor, but failed—and when they picked me up, that bloody feature resembled a thattened copper Ton the track beneath a passin Twas propped up in recuperate. My wife was invisible to me, but I've no doubt now but that she was posted in some advantageous place where she Was taking in omy misery with delight. While pulling out my proboscis to its proper dimensions, f studied the philosophy of the rollers, and soon essayed to again mix in with railway train! corner and left to uMle along passably well for a few yards, when acorpulent dame came sailing around a curve a mile-a-minute rate, ran into me, and knocked my heels out from beneath me; then, my body des a backward areola through the air and legs vainly pawing and kicking | the atmosphere—I landed on the re part of my head, ufter turning a complete somersault and a-half! More dead than alive, I gamely struggled to my feet however, to give another trial. I had about made up my mind by this time though, that I wasn’t an artist ut this style of skating, as I had heard divers rema from disgusted habitues of the Rink, on this order: ** Whois that gawky duffle on to his stim jags doing the fall a “Why don’t the bungling out of the way more rope! ” green-horn keep “Give that lubberly calf etc., etc., ete. Dripping with perspiration, panting from the unwonted exertion, my clothes torn, and bleeding from numberless cuts, I still per-