Judge — February 7, 1885 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Not at all, my Lord,” says the oflicer. “Tt was meself that tuk a lighted match to sarch for a grate escape of gas in one of the pipes supplying the stove. With that every man, woman and child in the coort near broke their hearts laughin’, and Counciller MeLaughlan he up and says: quare thing, so it is, to sarche for gas with a lighted match, Sorra haporth of matther,” says he, ‘if the officer likes to blow himself up, but bedad, if he blew up the bar, it ’ud be a bad ars He done it with a good intintion,” eays the judge. *IU's little comfort that-’ud a been,” sa MeLaughlan, ** if we'd all been blown up!” | ‘Then the officer blamt the Board of Works, and Commissioner Sitton sent for the gas- fitther to prevent further escape, but Mc- Laughlan swore, by this and by that, he'd f nd so he did, tak- ing his papers wid him, and I’m not ashamed to say I follyed in his footsteps, but I hard that they got it all regulated afther. The minit [have this letter writ the male is goin’ out, so I'll delay it no longer. Wis! pleasant New Year to you and all your family, Belave me, yer most esteemed cousin Par MaGuinnis. | ‘ve got a new gurl in skool and h ‘Stifenia,” which nocks “ Betay everal, if not more! Betsy and I are out” hereafter; course | we speak, “when we pass bi,” but I relize | that I never met my dervinity ’till Stifenia came onter the horizing ov mi existense, | dresst in a pink and blue caliker dress an? white apron trimmed with lace, I already call her deer Stiffy, when conversin’ into the deaf an’ dum alferbet behind our geografyz, so when teacher tole us to write a stor: serlected mi new gurl for the hero. After constructin’ several strong, healty- lookin’ titles, I'shnt my Iz an picked out the follerin’, which I printed in red-ink m’s ju a new bottle, an he’s agent for Silver-Slit Stabs” so I uzed one ov ‘em). Stvrey Stirr, tue Ovtror’z Brive. Bein a sequil to “A Modern (published in No. 167 of Jur ot] that sort ov thing). shriekt a startled voice a 3 little village on some sea- coust somewhere, ‘The shrecker was a torl, pale uth, who, faint from the loss ov conscience, sat standin’? upagainst the solid granit worl what seperatid | the estate of Peter Von Kinghorna from the public, His Iz’ were clozed (bein’ a holyday), but the color could be trast between the spokes ov his I-lds, and lookt blue; so did his nose, but the wea Romans” &; back num- REDUCING couldn’t be xpected to come back to look up ice-olated c (Jim says if an: one outside the family had made one like that, he’d have set a corpus warrent onto em, T ust him if a “* corpse warrent” wasn’t a revolver, an’ he answered disdinfully, “You'll have to re- volver round several years longer ’fore yer no enything).” But to rezume ‘Air the last yell ov the chilly yung man had dide on the rezoundin atmosfere, a frale, graceful form came boundin’ down the dore steps, a look ov consternashun onto her face an’adiamund ring onto her front finge ‘As she hastened with long strides in answer to the cries of destress, she slipped the golden circlet into her buzum, and muttered, ina hoss voice. Taint no use ov expozin’ valuble julry onter the public street. I see where a New York lady had a rolled-gold hair-pin abdected in broad dalite, an’ the dectectives, altho they found a good-looking * clu” didn’t re- turn the hair-pin with their bill.” In a instant she had reached his side, and was applvin a dose ov salts to get back his cents. Ife gasped 2 or 3 times, his I-lashers trembled, while the hired-man worked con- vulsively with a ho in a corn-feeld near bi. As soon az he could do so, and for several minits before, he claspet his bennyfacter’s 1 | hands and kisst ’em in @ passionate agony ov esthetic jo: (There's a tag goz takin’ from the rume).”” When the hired man heard his low notes ov commendashion and appros ul of the alacrity displade bi Stifenia, be thort it waz sum chumz blastin rox down in ther medder, so he got sum gunpowder (whitch he alwaz uzed in “raisin” potaters), an’ hastened to join the celebrashion. Stifenia hoisted the victim inter her arms. his don’t refer to the hired-man ov course), an’ lade him carefully on her breast. “* After gettin’ him into the front parlor, a sudden and brilliant idea came to her, and she whispered, in a gentle voice, what shook him off the so: nd_jingled the globes in the chanticleer, ‘‘What’s the matter ov you?” “Washer masher? er mashe if lampost ch nock yer down, (hic), in'er gusher!” Horror upon horror! The door busted th this; ‘not ter be Gesh you'd sha wash ast yer halfamile, (hic), THE SURPLUS. open an’ plesman come rushin’ in with a billy in one hand, loded with grape-shot. (The billy not the plesman), and a telefone in the other thro whitch he shouted, in a hurried, conducter like tone; ‘* Madam- ther heap-ov-ice-onto-the-side-work-in- front—ov-your-dwellin’,-whitch,-i moved-will-cost-you-€2. This was the last camel that broke her back, she could nothing; rezen had vanished from thoz butiful Iz, and a pale aller crept over her face and maintained its hn for ¢ 3 without any apparent ns ov sub he plesman waz fined $2.00 an’ costs | while the yuthful corz ov all the trouble “got jover i di to be mayor ov the city, The crazy-girl which had been confined onto bread and water, after along and tedius search, found her rezen, ‘The mayor had it stuffed an’ varnished an’ | it stood on hissmokin’ table for a ush-receiver, | many years. | (PS. ‘This last may appear a little mixt up, but mi objeck waz to have the luv story end more diffrunt as most ov ‘em do, an Jim says I’ve accomplisht fiat much)! ANSWERED BY We were playin’ euchre last evenin’; There were four of us in the game; Molly was Ned's fair partner: Mine was—guess I won't tell her name, You see, I'd kept her company For quite a good long time past, comichooksicom