Judge — February 7, 1885 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

12 THE JUDGE. your temperament, and how is your temper- | ature, or are you only temporary, or are you like time—tempus fugit ? ‘Are you a hard ‘drinker, and are you used | to drinking hard drinks? Do you get hot when you find your coffee has the chill on? ‘Are you used to cooling off very quick— especially if you are in a fuss? Has the ravenous affection of your hungry heart been used to aconstant diet of cold shoulder? Are you a lover of bologna, and do you think STUDIES FROM THE ou could get fat on coal and seal oil, | or walrus or Esquimaux meat? | What would you do with the pole if you could get it, and would it be of any political | significance? Flow does reading one of the latest cook- books affect your appetite, when you haven’t anything else to read or eat? If the vessel has to be abandoned, do you | think you would have heart, or feet, to take the pike and walk home? If the provisions should give ont, do you think you would givo in very soon, and what would you give in? Are you used to swallowing what you have said, and does it fatten you up any? Do you know how to’ manage sledges, or have you had any experience even with old sledge? Have you any objection to each day on THE THREE GRACES, your notes being six months long, ora night’s | sleep lasting a hundred and eighty-two days? | Do you think you would like to go where there is a Solid North,—pretty solid? How long can you stay out at night wait- ting for election news without calling for a bonfire? Did you ever eat at a Jersey railroad restau- rant, and survive Did you ever find an antidote for your appetite? These are vital questions concerning your | victuals, and your vitals, and vital vitality, and must be vitalized. Brown says that ten years ago Hayes fur- nished an Esquimaux with a wooden leg, and it has survived the cold without a chil- blain—the leg, not the Esquimaux, and inti- | mates that men with wooden arms and ; wooden heads would fare well in his expedi- tion; in fact he would preferthem. Splendid opportunities offered to coal-merchants who want to start coal yards there. Nobody shall be lost, but all will be preserved—when any- | thing freezes there it is preserved for all time, and there should be no fears, or no mortifica- | tion. You will all be “‘ solid” there, if you | are not here. A.W, DELLAW. AN EARLY RISER. Por—"* Fou ought to get up early and improve your time.” Sox" Why, Tide, Toetup at fire and drink y half the milk, and then come back and reflect on the | Jolly of your paying for a quart when you only get a pint” A CANNIBAL STEW. The Generous Jerseyman. A MAN from Jersey City, while getting a dime changed at the Metropolitan Hotel in New York, had the misfortune to drop a cent, which rolled under an immense pile of trunks. “IT want you to find that cent and return it to me,” said the Jerseyman who was being brushed off by the porter. “Hit’s gwinter be a big job ter ’move all dem heavy trunks, yet I’ll see if I kin find dat cent, but I don’t b’lieve I kin.” “Wall,” responded the Jerseyman, “If you find it I want it back; but if you don’t find it you may keep it for yourself.” “Thank you, boss; thank you kindly.”— Texae Siftings. A Case of Mistaken Identity. A ReD faced man rushed up to a quiet old gentleman and said: “How do you do Mr. Jones?” “« Excuse me, but you have the advantage of me.” “Are you not Mr’ Jones?” “No sir, you are mistaken, my name is | Smith.” “ Are you sure?” “ Of course I am. You are mistaken.” Are you quite certain, Mr. Smith, that it is not yon who are mistaken. May you not be Jones after all, Mr. Smith? "—7ezas Siftings. CANNIBAL ISLANDS. CANNIBAL DUDE. OPEN AIR EXERCISE. No Case. ** PRISONE! said Prosecutor Buxton, “ you are churged with gambling.” ‘Gambling? What is gaml sd “Playing cards for mone “But [did not play cards for money; I played cards for chips.” ** Well, you got money for your chips at the end of the game, didn’t you?” “No. I didn’t have any chips at the end | of the game.”—Clereland Herald. Reflection. “Come on,” called a bridesmaid to the bride, who was standing before 4 mirror, jtouching and retouching, ‘‘they’re waiting | for you.” . | “All right,” responded the maiden, with- out moving, “Don't say ‘all right,’ but come on. What do you want to see yourself for, any- how? You look beautiful.” “Oh, yes, I know that; brides always do.” * Well) then, what are you standing before the glass for, when everything is waiting? «Because, dear,” she answered with pro- voking patience, ‘it is well for one to in- dulge in some reflection before one gets married, you know.” The guests at the wedding wondered what made that particular bridesmaid look go pale. \—Merchant Traveler. comicbooks.co