Judge — January 24, 1885 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

| | | A Dynamite Air Gun. | Os Christmas morning litt ommy Dynamite became the proud and happy owner of an air gun. This weapon, it is needless to remark, was presented to the Dynamite heir by his fond and adoring “"s knowledge or w it she—not the father without his mot consent, and when she | gun—went off. Mrs. Dynamite exploded, and as usual on Mr. Dynamite felt himself be- such ing blown up. Mr. Dynamite is so acenstomed to little eccidents of this kind that he doesn’t mind it in the le nd he to calm the irate and \ | his sorrows, by explaining | less a thing a poor little air- “She didn’t care if it guessed she knew a thing or two yet, was infamous, positively infamous for Mr. Dynamite to bri ueh a into the | house without fir i While this tirade ‘Tommy ; escaped with his treasure and went up to his Mammu’s room. ‘There, by the register, he || discovered Mra. Dynamite’s best all crimped and pinned out ona dry. | What a splendid target, thought ‘Tommy, and he drew off and took deliberate aim for | the hompson Patent Wave.” bang went the a yn. ‘The first shot was too high and shivered to atoms the photo- graph of Mr. Dynamite that adorned the || wall, above the re cond hit the | | bulls eye of the and riddled | | the entire structure. secasions st, Bang HE “summer girl” of ashore d: Whom all the dudeys cherished, — Who waltzed as graceful as a sylph, w finds her bellodom perished. Another maid bas charmed the “ slims, And won their whe ‘Tis levotion; who shows in skating-rinks, he poetry uf motion. Sey. Jomtvn Before the third shot was fired, Mr. D, and Mrs, D. appeared on the . dD. ne. Just what I told vou,” ex ) aimed Mrs. ., ‘rand he'll blow the baby’s brains out if you don’t take that thing away from him.” ‘This was a new idea for Tommy, and de: termined to act upon it at vsterics over the loss of her false hair. Mr. Dynamite again endeavored to calm her, while ‘Tommy went in search of the baby. Kaby was notin the nursery. Well, perhaps she was down in the basement. Down he skipped with light and airy tread that he might not disturb the little controversy in which his fond parents were still indulging. While he w ssing through the hall, the door bell rang, and the dim and shadowy form of a district telegraph boy was outlined on the stained glass panel of the front door. “A measenger boy fired a snow b: the other day, now I'll shoot him, ‘Tommy, and quicker thana flash, bang the gun again, and smash went the g the vestibule. This brought the entire family, including the nurse, on to the scene, and during the excitement Tommy once more esc aye Making his way to the din- ing-room he there discovered baby all alone. She had managed to reach an apple left on the breakfast table and was busily gnawing it when Tommy appeared. A new inspira- tion now seized him. Grabbing the apple, he placed it on her head and backed her up agai ving : brother’ll play William Tell with baby. Baby stand still while brother shoots.” Baby did stand still, and brother shot. Strange to say, he hit the apple, but a piece FOOTOLOGY. of Baby’s scalp went along with the fruit, and the yells that followed filled the family with consternation, my was fil with consternation too, and he t a hasty retreat to the . Here he was discovered half an hour after- ward by the cook, and shedragged him from the coal vault, just as he was about to take aim at a white cat he saw in adistant part of the cellar. The gun was wrenched from his grasp, and our hero has taken his meals from the mantle piece for several da he bullets with which he loaded his gun still remain in his pockets. He has sworn to recover his lost treasure or to perish in the attempt. ‘The probabilities are that he will perish, for he hi rehed the hidden recesses of his mamma’s bureaus, closets, and chiffoniers to the detriment of sundry ta tins and furl the baby’s scalp has not yet healed, Mrs. Dynamite will make it extremely unpleasant for him if she catches him in any of his depredations. To! plow FP, CUTTER, A WEDDEN iz a sorter evacuation after a ie our history would sa. It cor- onds ter hundin over a fort atthe end ov astruggle. A feller goes ter see his gurl a number ov years more nor less, “till he fines no nuther gurl will havehim. ‘Then he pops the question an tells her he lovz her like she waz 4 house on fire, and he will go drownd hisself ded, if she don’t join herself to his acordin’ to lor. ‘There's aleggon handed down from ancient times to the effect that the gurl replied to a offer ov marage, ** Ask Ps ILowever true this waz a 100 yerz ago, tain’t sonow, The gurl ov 1885 interrupts him e's trough askin her, and jurks out a ‘ Yes,” in a wa sudding enuff to skare anything but a lover. ‘Teorctikally there is varus kinds ov wed- dins, practikally there’s only one, an’ that iz the first wedden. This takes place when life else looks hummin, The fare femail corner ov the contrack looks wedded bl like it a perpetuall New Year's Rec tion and Fourth of July. Jestas if cob-webs an sour milk wazn’t to be in her perticular puddin’ of life. The other party to the rash act iz "bout az and everything comicbooks.com