Judge — January 24, 1885 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. of the morning papers, which, to their shame be it said, make a specialty of dealing in that kind of matter, But none the less are his badgerings of, and personal remarks on an unfortunate prisoner indecent and in bad taste, and it isa JupGe who is licensed to be as funny as he can, and who the privilege of printing his own jokes, who tells him so. Send the poor devils up for ten or days, if need be, but do not leave them the memory of a barbarous pleasantry to embit- ter their imprisonment. My Love Dream. Jest for the day that I met her! Just for one day on the train; Tt began when she feared it would wet her, ‘That tiniest sprinkle of rain; So [tucked ag u And carefully padded the And I'm mourning in sack-cloth and ashes, And longing to do it Then it g Her dr She was really so tiny a creature ‘That sue needed a stool for her feet; This was quickly performed at her order, With many a spasm and shoot, And glimpse of an open-work border, And glimpse of the st hoot, ww when she begged I would reach her under and chatted, and flirted, es flew past Uso we ogled, The mile-ste And I've frequently vowed T never enjoyed such 4 I fain would have gi Or Kt or anywhere far; But the train slackcned up at the depot, And she smiled at me leaving nid a pe td he ear. It was A few little hours 6 the train, But I know I shall never forget her, And we've scant chance of meeting T've asked all th Micials, I've travelled that line to at In search of a girl wh (As shown by her bs just for one day that I met her, rai ly papers—bills. Be careful how you tipple, or you might tipple-ittle too much, and fall’ down on yourself and hurt you. ew for Jinx made forty-eight calls on Year’s day. ‘The last call he made was a hack to convey him to his lodgings. A wortp of sin and sorrow was once the price of an appl It will soon be the price of another, if apples to continue to go up. Ovr in Chillicothe, Ohio, is an old lady named Curry, of unbalanced brain, but strict moral sense. Whiskey and tobacco are her special horror, and she does not he tate to collar any offender on the streets and read him the riot act with real King James vehemence. One day she met Alec! W. just emerging from a saloon, and opened lire at once, * You nasty man, Aren't you ashamed to be caught coming out of that den of death!” “No'm,” answered Aleck, gravely. proud of it. Yon wouldn’t going in, would you?” “Tm we me caught AVOCA Deupe— am weally intoxicated!” *© Oh, 1 feel dweadfully overcome. iL SPREE, That song was sung with somuch spirit, 1 Monographs. “THIS TIME DOESN'T COUNT. ‘Tne average man, who bravely New Yer Swore off from rum, and threw eizars away And sallied forth ur filled With bi nw unchilled- s day he muzzh J ardor's er where, where i virtue’s lofty paths, e now? treading Ttrow, peakin} ‘To note if he were being But soft, with many a sidelong watched perc Into some secret bar-room, where he can Moisten his parched tongue with * black-and-t Or cool his coppers wit brandy-smash Or seek forgetfulness in r This done, By blandly murmurin sour m his conscience he would f: this time doesn’t conntt in sur Running expenses—children, Far from the madding crow: —many bank cashier The belle of the period is apt to have a long tongue. He that loves noise must bu a Spanish proverb. In most c a baby will answer just as well. There is a new machine that makes two thousand pins a minute. If new-born babes could but grasp this dark intelligence, wha an apprehensive howl they would set up «7 want a trussed fowl for dinner to-d: said an impecunious householder to his long- suffering market-man. “Well, you won’t get it all the same,” was the snarling reply. ‘¢I quit giving trust January the one, and don’t you forget it.” “‘Mave you heard that Williams, the plumber, committed suicide last night?” o! What did he do that Smith came in and settled his bill, and after it was too late, Williams discovered "he had forgotten to charge up to him one | item of fifteen minutes’ work actually per- | formed, and it uasettled his reason.” hol ers, rayer-books are made with a bouquet- on the outside in which to hold flow- It'll get so, pretty soon, that the pul- pits will be carved with four rows «f Hlouncings up the front, and a Beethoven polonaise strung ont in the rear. Remember one thing, my son. Never do a woman aservice with the expectation of voluntary repayment, A woman forgets her debts as easily as she does her yeai only time or great importunity can bring her to a realizing sense of cither. The “oldest inhabitant” alarmi One of the: down . the other day, 121 years. If this sort of thing keeps on, it won’t be long before we shall be led to infer, by com- as nothing but ttling babe when he died, is getting to be tures died ike a little fence of trust ubout to- poct. Ah, dear friend, we Only this morning, on our ' we built the last section of that little fence about us, and now our cred- itors so block up every street, that if we want to get home we must cither scratch out an underground passage, or learn to fly. ToM ANDIS. way to the off An Acrostic. Cleveland for presider Lin member 7 nerats en masse, pass, both is thi Is on high; red) ‘Ker in the nol alue for service Each earnest w iberal salary from our nai | And fair Ci | Nor dares to rv ery ) cause , on draws; + vails her beauteous e them to the threat 003 ou opog spnoz>-tsors asoupy ‘oNLIOTY ‘SUNIL ning skies. Great men of our times—giants. A parsep hard job—mending stockings. comicbooks.com