Judge — January 17, 1885 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. A Hard Winter. —“T see that all the signs point to rd winter.” nith—* True. I noticed an infallible sign of a hard winter at breakfast this morn- ing.” Jones—“ Indeed! What was it?” Smith—‘ My wife reminded me that she was still without a sealskin sacque.”—L4ila- | delphia Call. Edison's Improved Phonograph. Mr. Epison has been lately devoting his time to perfecting his phonograph, the curious talking machine which created so much stir a few years ago, and was then so and completely shelved, ‘The new machine, he says, will be run by electricity, is double grooved, will receive and utter two sounds at once, and deliver the message or sing exactly as rendered. _ If this isso, every- body who can afford it will carry »hono- graph around with them whenever they at- tend church, concerts, lectures, ete. It will soon pay for itself. y your wife is crazy to go and hearsome expensit. foreign star like Bernhardt, either in opera or in trag You can stand her off, saying that the weather 1s too inclement, or the logs havn’t come down, or that must save up money toward buying a skin sacque, and you will go with the phono graph and bring the whole business back to | her and the family just as good as new better,in some particulars. Then, a set, she can take it to church with her while ; ow stay at home, and when she commences grinding out the sermon at home, you can get up just before the collection istaken and | go out for a walk. Oh, n't get that improved phon y too soon. **'There’s millions in it £ Sun. Unfulfilled Ambition. A youNG man with a broad back and a | sorrowful look was standing in front of the Board of Trade the other day, when an uc quaintance came and called out Ile! nut of a job? was the sad reply. yy porter for a whole- sale honse for three years past.” “Just so, but I’ve been discharged.” “Is that 80; have trouble with the boss?” “No, not exactly. You see I went into the house to work my way up. ‘The first Why you were afte The Cause of it. “Hr used to set type," s Who the pitful story we “Considered himself an adh And prided himself 0 vedigger said, pt at his trade his spellin “As you may perceive, I'm arrangin And shaping them into a pillow, And over them soon T will sce that there nods, Likea plume, the conventional willow “Oh, yes, he was killed by an Killed instantly, too. And scarcely a paper in all But laughs at the jor's hand— a fact, ned terrible act * The cause Had the Refusal of it. “Say, Sam, did you see deman.about dat house?” “Oh, yeas F seed him, and he gib me de refusal ob de honse.” “How long did he gib you de refusal ob hit?” todo wid me. Me refused to hab anything ras Siftings. At V ar. What have you on the board lyrte? Surely you don’t mean ora sealene triangle!” Flyrte—** Dear me, ni I don’t know anythin ut horrid old scaly tri- You know I never remember the eful old things. iy)“ Well, wh good enough to substitute, pra Miss Fly that? That's my idea of an all too simple, perfect hat. I thought I might as well do something, you know. Isn't it a duck? Tutor (blushin; lyrte—I shall have to a the hours.”” Miss Flyrte—** WI you won't be cross 1 o'clock, so we talk? Say yes, li Tutor ‘(utterly really—why t have you —ah— sk you to stop— , of course. 1 know route; Stage Girls and Their Admirers. Christmas I ought to bave been promoted to | man, but I wasn’t. The second Chnist- | mas I ought to have been offered a partner- ship for my faithful services, but the offer | didn’t com This year I ought to have | married the daughter of the senior partner | and found a house and lot in my Christmas stocking, but that prospect has now de- parted.” “And you left?” “Weill, [ overhauled the old man on the street car yesterday and intimated that I was ready to do my part, but he never let on knew me. This morning I told my ices were no longer needed.” . But can the house run without you?” “Tt may possibly squeeze along, but if there is a failure it must not be laid up agin me. Do you know of any bank where a man can begin as watchman and work up to | marry the President’s widow? — I think I'll try that business for a spell.” —Chicayo News. Wut is the reason that footlights throw resplendance round persons who in any other position would be considered dull ‘The chorus girls in our thes are, toa major: from the ranks of decent poverty and in decent affluence. In either case they were not in their previous state courted by the fellows who now cl them. One night a young man asked an usher at the Casino to carry a bouquet to the stage for a chorus si The employe declined, because the demon: performance inopportunely. ‘Thereupon, the adorer carried the flowers himself down the aisle, stretched across the orchestra, and nded them to the object of his wild re- Until two month whom [ inquired, * that chine in a shirt factory, and this masher e wasted a second glance on ro," said a person of girl ran a sewing nd mayn’t T wait till | ration would have broken into the | The Effects of Whiskey. “Wiat’s that y inquired Y Oh! ivs d the aflicted man. “Why don’t you put some whiskey on ve got growing on your st of Crimsonback. of some sort,” re- “ Will that bre “Well, I should think whiskey to “break” many Statesman. so, T’ve known ‘swell! "— Yonkers Had Seen it all. sé night while John McCullough was playing “ Virginius” in Little Rock, a lean old fellow from the hills, while t the foot of the opera house st costed by quaint Unele Billy, are you ske to see the What sort 0’ a 8 * One o’ these her an’ women come out on a platform an’ bow aan’ sc ‘No ‘No he . “Then [don’t believe Vl go up. enough o° that sort o’ thing when Spiller’s school shet down, We've seed all they can do. Come on here an’ let’s go ‘round here whar that fellow vin? a fid- dle in a grocery."—Arkansaw Traceler. I got Abe Tr i copied, though in lite falls below many sho exalted writers. Mr. cellent in neck-tie matters, and is a superb managing editor of a suit of clothes, but he does not seem to have properly seized the literary idea of the nineteenth century. Ilis idea of plot, we must say, is very poor, but the moral, which he paints red, “stands boldly out all along the line. Asan author, we do not believe that Mr, Arthur has a good conception of character, and some of his at- tempts at humor are even worse, ‘The which he * got off is very old. The thr country have it to a threadbare condition. His ant reference to the treasury, though, is Inspiriting. Ile speaks of millions of dollars with charming carel though the association with such m an every Tair. Ie ommitted to joke the south, which negative feature is the most original of his entire work. By hard study Mr. Arthur pme an excellent editor of an aper, and might exercise ex- nt judgment in the arrangement of a semi-annual horticultural supplement, but we do not believe that as a story writer he can ever take rank with Hawthorne. Ile might try his lily white hand on the drama, but even in that line we can hardly expect him to rise above some of the Grecians who dealt somewhat in that line of business, A producer of a presidential message be “writing to space.” He has ju many columns to {ill before he goes to press, and requesting the foreman to tell him when he gets enough, he goes to work with premed- jtation and forethought. The President who would confine himself to about three “sticks” full of matter is not likely to find employ- ment in the White House.—-Arkansaw Traveler. uge has been wid comicbooks.com