Judge — January 10, 1885 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. Strapped. Yes, I've been strapped by my mother, Pete, And Dad took a hand it It made me jump, well I guess s0, Pet And L yelied—somewhat, Did you And I've been strapped by my teacher, Pete, For tricks that I often ruc And, though he straj Tdida’t ped with a right good will, in. But I've been strapped for the needful, Pete Perh: ve been there too, Its ten times worse than the others, But I didn't wince. Did yout Ds ye A Chronique of the Fourth Ward. Il Signor Fatita di Wallosh Can run like a big cannon ballosh He's now Alderman, And beat when he ran, Pat Divver and Tammany Hallosh! The Cholera Microbe Question. By Jer, Jow.ya. was trouble among the butcher had been posted up in the Center Market, reading as follows, “MEMBERS OF THE BUTCHER'S PROTECTIVE ., Werne discussing full attendan PL DinkeLienen, By order of the President Secretary On the above noted evening, every man who handled m for a livelihood was on deck at the appointed hour. The subject upon which there seemed to be the most agitation was that of “Cholera microbes in pork.” Hans Schwartz was recognized by the president, and proceeded to make a few ex- cited remarks, a3 below “Vellow putchers: Dem gollery Microbes vos goin’ to past oop ines, ve toant look ouit! I vos solt a schmoked-ham at my sthall te udder tay, und dot gustomer vot puy it, prought it pack—chained town do a veelburrow, 80 it — vouldn’t preak loose und run avay—und sait ven he vanted do sthart a menagerie mit a “heppy vamily’ of vorms und meggots, dot he vould call on me vor one oof dose ham put vor te bresent, he vould like do oxchange it vor soineding dot vasn’t sthrong enough do move his house over ondo te next lot. Oot gourse, I hat do sadisfy him und trait him some goot beef for dot ham, Dot is my oxberience mit dainted bork—und oof some remedy vosn’t tiscovered, I tink ve vill all haf do sell ouit und redire vrom putchering.” ‘A. Schweinkopf then arose and made a speech: “My Cherman vrents: Prudder Schwartz haf sounted te gey-note! Ve moost eider quvit hantling dot pig vlesh, or else go Vest und krow oop mit te guntry! I vos insoolted myself on ackgount oof dis new ghollery micgobe grusade, vile I vas in- nocendt all te vile oof only te ortinary dricks oof our calling. A cidizen vot alvays haf tealt mit me, redurned some link sissidges te udder morning dot he hat burchased oof my assistand, along mit some bieces oof dog’s dails und veet, dot he hat vound insite oof ’em—und schwore: ‘Got in himmel! Vos dose ghollery migrobes?? I hat do but a pold vrunt on den, so I reblied: ‘ Nix; dose vos dog-scraps.’ Den he remarked: ‘ You pelong do te Butchers Protective Associa tion, toant you?’ ‘Yaw,’ I sait; ‘te B. I A.’ ‘Vell,’ he say, ‘you ought do shange its name do te Bull Pup Association!? Den I dried do hit him vid a gleaver, put missed him, und te result vos, dot I lost his bat- tronage.” President Wenckebach tale of woe: “ Gomrades in anguish: Dose ghollery migrobes vos a tunderin’ galamity do our brofession! I tought dey vos a telusion undill I took some heat-che home und eat id vor my sooper, den I tis- covered dot dey vos a horrible vact. I vos galmly schleepin in my ped dot night, vere Vos seized mit fery pad gramps in my stum- mick, und almost tied. It vos nearly gif me te chim chams, put vinally I dook some Bain Giller, und velt petter. Den I vent a chleep again, und hat te nightmare. — I imachinned I saw an olt Perkshire hok sittin’ on te vootpoart of my ped, mit schnaky lookin’ objects comin’ ouit oof his whole poddy do tefour me, und dey vos singin: next related Ais *Ve vos a migrobe crew,— Hear us yell! Ve vos goin’ do veast on you For a shpell; Ve're te reptiles oof disease, Und indo your vorm ve'll squeeze— Sure as h—L" oop in a gold schweat, und run town do te gitchen right y, und trew te rest oof dot heat- chees off te vinder. Yaw prodder putchers, I realized den dot ve haf peen fery vicked in sellin’ dot ghollery migrobed bork do udder becbles do make ’em x, so I galled dis meetin’ do tiscuss dot Several other aggrieved market-men spoke in a similar strain, and before the assembled s from Germany adjourned, the follow- was adopted: ** Resolved, that hereafter all live swine shall undergo a rigid Civil Service examin- ation as regards its q fications for bacon, pork-chops, spare-rili » before it is ac cepted by the duly authorized pig-stickers for slaughter and gale over the counters of the members belonging to this Association. Wu is a swan like a cow’s tail?—Because they both grow down. Wovrn it be just to say that all physi- cians partially get their living by pill- ‘TEMPERANCE ved. from lemonade, by s has its uses. St. John church-fair without buyin imply saying “ I don’t drink. “Your Uncle Sam is in some respects a droll cuss. Ife can preach the Monroe doctrine with effect, put down the rebellion of a dozen sovereign states, and wallop creation of course; but when it comes to making a pesky nest of skunks out in Utah behave themselves decent-like, he make fool business of it—allows himself to be gam- moned and euchred and cornered and even pulled by the goatee, and never gets beyond a beginning. The old man, in fact, seems to have too much ginger cake in his composition to use the iron hand so long as there is no Lion or Stonewall in the wi Respected Unele, take the advice of one who has the wisdom of inexperience. - Don’t keep on try- ing to handle that pile of Mormon dirt with kid gloves and a silver ladle. Get out your big horse-scoop; hitch up your best team; bare your arms, take down the old wagon- whip, and ny word for it, it will be one of the easiest jobs youever undertook. If these Mormon rebs were a gang strong enough to rile the old man and scare him a bit, they wouldn’t last longer than a callow field- mouse fallen into a den of pismires.” comicbooks.com