Judge — January 10, 1885 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. Cleveland’s Cabinet. supar’s SUGGESTED BY “THE CARTOON: Ip you want a receipt for that popular mystery inet, men of political history places that they'd like t Jeff Davis, the Reb, at the head of the Treasury, Pepper him well with the famous hoop-kirte And for the Interior, —stir thi Known to the world as the new e Take elj And vet in leisurely, Put down the name of the turn-ec Smart Roscoe Conkling for Attorney-€ (That curl on his foreheads For the Navy, Carl Sehury neral, > pretty and neat Joba Bull, with a friendship ephem eral, Of new Alabamas will fleet orge B, MeClellan,—Department of war, For he'd rather dig ditehes than dabble in Henry Ward B.,—Secretary of St On Cleveland great virtues he’s prone For Postmastwr General, Curtis and Nast But the monkey ye put in till the last Take of these ele H that you wish, Cast out the parts that won't make Sct them to simmer and take off the seu And the new cabinet is the residuum, Hees THorse G must ne ents A dish; An Improved Rifle. Patent Office, My pear Betraw:—W tested your new gun, and can say that it has got wai report. One of the most com- mendable features of it is that it never goes off before you want it to, but invariably some time after, and thereby es you plenty of time to reconsider. It is not only a breech- loader but a breech-unloader, combining two very excellent qualities; the latter will some- times be of great service as it will kill the fool who is pointing the gun at you in play- ful pastime and sunny amusement. We fir that it will shoot sixteen balls, rifled, in half asecond—if the balls are all in the barrel at once; a good quality ina gun. Another ol thing in it is that it does not alwa: nd not only squirrels but other p by this means are m will be willing to praise the gun. If you poke the muzzle down a rabbit's throat while the rabbit is thinking of something else and | don’t jump, and you pull the trigger, nine | times out of ten that rabbit will be hit, or at | least scared so that his nre will only bea question of time, or speed. We find that it shoots a ball with great force, and can testify that it projected an ounce ball through an oak knot-hole in a four inch plank, and went half through another, and nother time it sent a ball, with only seventy grains of powder aboard, through a pane of glass, | thirty-two inches high by thirty wide, with- | ont any difficulty. It’is the only gun we | know of that does not go off when it isn’t loaded. We tried it on a target at a thousand yards, but when we got done we concluded that it not the gun, but the target was not large enough, and it was our mistake. We shot through a hundred foot gas pipe with it and ithita post at the other oa but the difficulty will probably be about hunters carrying the gas pipe. ‘The atten- tion of the government has been called to this gun, as in case of a war with England over the right of way across the Atlantic, it would be ea peed rm to furnish the troops with, t the British troops, and in case our men wore guns of this kind there would not be such a howl overasurrender. In Washin) gton, D.C have recently sple happy for life, and trap shooting this is the best gun we know of NEW Laxpionp—* 1 regrec to inform you, ORLEA) sir, that our ice-bor is already engaged by one of your fellow countrymen, who arrived this morning. yet—for the pigeons. It is a regular gun for the sharp, shooters, as it takes a sharp shooter to manage it scientifically. We drove several nails with it, with a few blows of the barrel, and it seems to answer the purpose. Another beauty in this gun is that it comes apart very easily, very often when | you are not expecting it, and so saves work. Its time-lock is perfect, and goes off every time inside of a few minutes. We find it difficult to miss anything with it that has crawled into the barrel. The simplicity of the gun is remarkable; it is the simplest thing we ever saw. — Its barrel may not be exactly a bar to crows, but our stonemason says it makes a splendid crow-bar, and a sporting friend who tried it says it will kill more time than any gun he ever saw, and that you can kill everything you can reach with the butt end of it. Itisamost danger- ‘ous weapon. Brown Master at Arms. Tey say Cleveland is going to get_ mar- ried, No wonder he ‘ looked at the future with miss-givings.” Beyond a doubt his election is a miss-take. Tne hen-Pecked small boy of the JMil- zraukee Sun has ceased to be a power in the land since his humble imitators came mighty near making a bon-fire of the town, Monographs. TAKE YOUR CHOICE. Tuey spell it p-l But the The word is still For they pr ay some people lk; my cit Still others have their own sweet way, | And when they would remark Upon the p Possessed that darling * And then Will make your poor B with stentorian sh “Is thet there thing a ‘plake’ dt choose tyles t must ta 1—' plawk,’ ‘plark,” ‘plack “plake." And so it seems quite Which of these vary Ww the right, » Which you like or No, Clarence simply forgets a woman never lies. She cts, Forgetfulness is the best feelings. | ambition. ve for wounded Hope, the best poultice for crashed « comicbooks.com