Judge — January 3, 1885 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. 13 8, loothsome Pumpkin Pic ! a humble knee we bend, And pray that 1 Au Which As there thou »vidence to us may Tend th and stomach equal to our ld devour infinitudes of the atchless state 1 blackened plate, st in such 1 1 browned a t rapturous te Thy ai surface, round. Istlecked with changing shade ld defy een Titian’s ¢ s work a daub king, with fitting lined with softest plus Lana's orb, of mottled brown Onn brush Aud make Thou art of Of pearly pa lowing oret the Nights Out. Manay— An’ Mary, I’v where have yez been, not set eyes on ye for a weck?” Mary—* Well, Monday night Twas at Mrs. Mickey’s pa ay at a hop, and Wedne nd Thursday at Mrs. O'Ghee’s ball, and last night Twas just out callin’, And where have yez been yourself?” “T've been kept busy with visitin’ and callin’, Can’t yez come over and see me to- night? ad No, Margy, but I can come to-morrow.” “But why not to- night, sure? This is the missus’ night out delphia Call. The Civil Service Law Set at Defiance. Democrat a Said the Demoera “LT thought you said times would be hard if Cleveland would be elected.” “To be sure Ldid, and they are. had a load of coal to put in fur two ¢ Well, T have. I had two yesterda 3 mornin’ already.” “You have! Oh, Isee. it would be if Cleveland every Re, in would turned out of and the Democrats would git all the If L don’t git a jobsoon I'll steal some- from some Democrat, and don’t you furgit it."—Aentucky State Journal. Two coal-putters-in, a Republican, met. [havn't It’s jist as I said would ‘git elected: be office A Girl With a Business Turn. “Pa has always beea very. successful in his operations in stock,” she said, as the sat together in the parlor, “and Ihave g so much attention to his methods that, I think, I could go into the market and operate successfully myself.” “Indeed,” he said with much inte he had just drawn a week’s salary ahead to ay an election bet, and was wondering how he could make up the deficiency that would make felt when his board bill be due; * ed; you could, per! rest, for nine ala zive me a few point “Thave no doubt I could give you some advice,” she said. hen suppose ¢ going down and wha t would be the proper should say,” she replied, as she 1 tito the stove and at the lamp, “the proper course to pursue would be to put a ittle more ¢ on the fire and turn down the lamp the least bit.”—Boston Courier. Stage Illusion. Urox the Ap airy A tlashi Among she danced, ylphide light entranced the golden rain so bright, nty, debonair Her eyes like jew She tosses kis s everywhere, poet's rarest dr A masher ina stall, Ts mashed so flat completo— He'd spend lis last and fain would fall Upon his knees low at her feet. He waited at the door, From whence the faries pour “Wilt champagne with me, He asked in tra “Yes, after Th Sweet Cupid, 1 dear 2” home, lehild — Yonkers “T poy’r believe in nude statuar, marked a bucolic spinster at the art ‘The bare idea makes me shudder.”—/at- | chet. A sportixo man always keeps his mouth | shut when there’s deer stalking, as otherwise ght frighten away the game.—Chicago AN Ohio man wasaccidentally locked up in a bath room for two hou ‘There are some punishments an Ohio man fears worse than death. —oston Post. Pay? a precocious Stock Yards youth, in referring to his stern parent’s un- shaven vi “your check looks like the wheel in ma’s music box.”—Chicago Sun. Tue Western Union Telegraph company got the bulge on the messenger boys in ngton. Tt obliges them to ride nd they can’t go slow without falling off. Burlington Free Press, Neanty one hundred corpses have been fished out of the Regent’s Canal, London, during the past two years. As soon as a corpse bites they haul him in, and take him up to the House of Lords, to deliver a speech on the Egyptian question. — Brooklyn Times. Saip late camp mi my coming a good sister in her testimony at a “My husband opposed to this sacred spot, but an truthfully say that in coming here I have r ceived a blessing, and I know that when I reach home my husband will get a blessing. | No one seemed to doubt her.—Columbus | Dispatch. A Sharp Retort man who holds correct 8 gets the best of an argu- It is not the opinions who alwa ment. An avowed communist and a sup- porter of the rights of capital were each pre- senting their views to a crowd in the street | the other day when the communist said: Yes, sir, what is wanted to make the world better and mankind happier equal distribution of wealth.” ‘0, sir,” replied the other, “what is wanted is an equal distribution of the qualities by which wealth is obtained, if such a thing were possible.” 0, that wouldn’t do,” retorted the communist, ** we don’t all want to be d: d rascals, you know.”—Boston Courier. is an | | bank books Young Jarphley’s Inquisitiveness. “Pan,” remarked phley ah a *Tdo not know t my son, at he young 4 Jar at he w cautiously remarked My certainly was a very Te at man, Jarphley, ile e lived in a whale’s didn’t he pah?” Something of the sort is recorded, liew “Could you do it?” “Tdo not know. Tam reading. bother me. “But say, pah, I believe heard mah ‘say you was ar everything you undertoo Oh! Obt Herald. belly for forty day Don't you could. I ar Jonah at and—Ouch! Oh! [won't do so no more ton An Outrage. New York Casuit fact—I_ could hardly The directors have “Tt’s an believe my own ears. decided to examine the and fund: ashire an insult It is worse, Mrs. N.Y heard of su “Insult? a perfect outra: “T wouldn't resign at once? The idea! I never It is insolence— nd it. Why don’t you “Yes; shake the dust from your feet. Tell them you won't peiate with such vulgar, low-bred persons, Why don’t you resign this very day? «Well, you see, my dear, I’ve got to bor- 10,000 for ten days to tide over the examination, and if I should resign, how could I pay back the money? ”— Zr. Disappointment. “Tlenr’s a good piec Captain Quibley, putting ana turning to his wife. ph here says that a man should never smoke a pipe while going down stairs. In case he should fall, he would be likely to drive the stem through the roof of his mouth and out at the top of his head.” “T never heard of such a thing . Quibley. ‘It’s not by any joined the captain. George Gaines. He is kno’ ** Yes,” with interes * Well, the other day—I forgot to mention it, by the—he was coming down stairs and Lund away he went. Ie long stem pipe you know— odness, captain had a passion for long stem pipes. One day, while we were out hunting, Ie found a cane root about five feet long. He took it home with him and had it bored J out. Beats any—” “ But when he fell did he drive it through his head?” “Oh, no. »plied M ‘ means improbable,” re- There's our friend a great smoker, you “Yes, he You sce he had to stop smok- ing on account of his health, but [ ws ing to say for examp *Quibley, you are the biggest fool I ever saw, Go on now and split up some wood You ought to be ned of yourself to disappoint any one that v slrkansaw Traveler.