Judge — January 3, 1885 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

12 THE JUDGE. chance of altering this state of things? Tell me, 1 there be eny use in my consulting the editor of a first-class comic weekly?” I only shook my head. as Isaid. ‘‘An editor can but He cannot find us wit to | rend them. An editor is only mor- ifter all.” Then thus! I ures natu compr tal, ‘ tid Mai “it must be ever ver cut off from the ple » my youth, my sex, and my . There is no hope for me.” No hope!” [echoed sadly. * you will never see a joke. Never enjc un! n I almost shouted ** you make it yourself, Try that. one understands their own joke one else does. ‘Try! you will find your own wit a thousand times more amusing to you than anyone else sryone does.” What a bright look she gave me. With what rapturous gratitude she seized my hand and pressed it in her own. I felt over- powered—knocked flat, in fact—but such a inoment is worth living for. ‘To do good to my fellow men and women has long been my sole object in life. Mary is a happy woman now. She is con- stantly making jokes and laughing at them. She does not care whether other people s them or not. The remembrance of her own infirmity mak: that score, b on that agai Movat.—If you want a thing well done, it yourself, » hope: oni unle Every if | hear her rap out a good preceded and followed by h labels it, I laugh till’ my sides ache PHILOSOPHICAL PAT. Ita better ter wit athill ik wather thin ter centure in an’ git drone TrisuMan: plate th Affecting Scene at the Capitol. Dan, M——yg. — “ Mere, your Thanksgiving Proclamation. I guess it willdo. I’m busy with your I igural Address, and I couldn’t spend much time on this. You'd better read it o1 once or twice, in case anyone should speak to you about it. . “Allright. Say, Dan, I wish you’d shut ‘Tom Hendricks up. He’s making too much of himself down in New Jer: Dan nodded, and threading through a mile or twoof patriotic Democ desiring to serve their country, disappeared in thedi ion of the Argus otlice.— Memoirs fA Great Administration.” Introduction. Grove — here's his way ‘THe exact age of a cow can be told by the wrinkles, or rings, on her horns; but the age of asociety belle cannot be determined by the wrinkles on her brow, or the rings on her fingers. even if no | her unusually reasonable on | Three Letters. | A PATHE! Sig | My Dear Son:—It is with heavy heart | that I communicate to you the within sorrow- ful tidings. I had hoped that your future would be bright, and unsullicd by any dark deed of the past. But alas! my hopes are cast down; and unless t ich you accused shall prove never again si they Your accounts as Cashier in the I[—— National Bank have been examined, and it is discovered that you embezzled five hundred dollar: ‘alse, ! my Ima aMlicted fathe tell me this is not so. zine the anguish of Write to me at once, I cannot believe that you, my son, could have embezzled five hun- dollars. There must be some mi: Answer me quickly, and by your answer you will either cast down forever or relieve Your Anxious Father. AN INDIGNANT S¢ My Father:—Yours received with pain —pain that you should have allowed yourself to believe for a moment that I had embezzled five hundred dollars. Father, it is alie! A downright calumny The idea of embezzling five hundred dollars! My anxious father, Ihave always been a truthful boy, and you have never doubted my word. I know you will believe m> in this hour of dark slander, I solemnly assert that I never embezzled five hundred dollars, ‘The true amount of ms embezzlement is five thousand dollars, and T can prove it. Hoping that you will be reli and that Your Loving Son. um, A PATHERS JOY, My Beloved Offsping:—I can now carry my head as high as a peacock. But so mortified was I, when the vile report reached + me that you had stolen five hundred dollars | ke a commen thief, that I hung my head inshame. 1 began to think that the ble of the Me Montvells, which flows in your veins, was ch unging into water. Now my heart is gay; you have sustained the reputation of our good old family. I think that you will succeed in your new capacity as a govern- ment official. Enclosed you will find ten dollars (810) for | champagne wherewith to take the drinks on Your Happy George Jones De ‘ather, Montvell. Where Did the Baby Come From. “ Mana,’ on tip-toe by the bedside and _pe now little brother, she stood red at her “where did that baby “The angels brought him, 1 Mama. “Oh, I wish I play this morning. But how did the angels Know you wanted him? Oh, I guess you must e written them a letter, and the wind must have taken it and blowed it right up to heaven, and then the got the letter. I wonder how they g when they brought him. Did you open the window for them?” ter eight 5 boy—* Where’d that ba come from “The angels brought him,” said M “Oh, come off! What are you giving —Boston Globe. ” said four-years-old, come from?” darling, gone out to A Terrible Revenge. “T tHoveur you hated Jones,” acquaintance to an editor, Id “And latest poem “IT know it. reven, : remarked an ‘ou have written to him for his ow T shall have my going to publish it.’ Heard From Again. “Ma, is it wicked to play marbles for keeps Yes, my son; it is very wicked.” “Willie Grim’ wanted me to sins) wouldn't.” That’s right, I » to refuse.” told him it was wicked, g gambling, and he called me “Well er mind. “Oh, 1 don't. I matched pe him and came out seven cents Free Press. bat I am proud you had nd led to booby.” ies w ahead The Boss Marine Liar. Tucnspay’s sleet prospect of cold we utterly squelching the snake and sea-serpent story-teller, but brought the Arctic explorer and marine liar boldly to the front. “When I in Siberil id Captain Furskin t was so durned cold that your and ther, hi snow, and the id the effect of breath would freeze and drop in lumps to the ground, But we had lots of fun. ‘There were plenty of jack-ral nd other game, but it was most too cold to handle a 0 on a clear moonlight t we woul a couple of big headlight lanterns on glistening snow, way out on the steppes. just wait for developments. The rabbits would be attracted by the intense light, | which was reflected for it distance over | the snow crust, and would all gather in a circle around the lamps in mute astonish- | ment at the free piente they we By and by their « would t from the intensity of the light, and as drop after drop rolled down, it formed an icicle from the ground up, which finally froze solid the eye-balls, and there we had ‘¢ Next morning all you had to do was to take “em by the ts nd break ‘em off the icicles. We all thought Furskins well, when up spake Hans had served ir nm - ridest and hardest time I eve in the Baltic sea, T was an man the n frigate blitzen, when on during just ther like now, only colder, a when whole rigging and masts were cov- ered with ice, slick as glass, the pennon few off the main mast, and I was ordered up to fix it. Holy blazes, how I suffered! 1 got up within four fect of the top when my strength gave out, and down I had to come, The officer ordered me up again, and again | ‘ailed «© Himmelpotzblitzmillionendonnerwet- ter,’ said Captain Savhund, ¢ veriluchter Hans, you must get up. And then what doves he do? He cuts a bi inthe palm f my hands so that the blood ran out, and then’ made me try it again. nd this time I made it all 7. he warm blood from y hands froze to the mast right away and aive mea tight gripelear to the top. 1 was made midshipn The general opinion was that although Furskins took the eake, Brennock was en- titled to the * Wiener wurst.”"— Fr, and having es rin to wate to had was in ’6 ordinary se Donne such on cre. comicbooks.com