Judge — January 3, 1885 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Postmaster’s Song. R the hills and up from the val wing wail from the lips of the stmaster hummed to the tune of Doodle:” comes the isconsolate “Yankee My time has come and I must take ‘The first job that comes My cushioned ch: By a Demoera handy, i will soon be filled tie dandy It breaks my heart to leave this si Of leisure hours and candy, And let the cake be scooped in by That Democratic dandy St. Paul Herald, A Husband's Heartless Suggestion. “Wity don’t you bang your _h: he asked the other evening as they parlor after tea. Why, dear, do you think it would be be- coming “Oh, yes, I guess so; but I wasn’t think- ing about that.” «Well, then, why do you want me to bang r, love?” at in the “Well, I was thinking that if you banged your hair the piano would not feel so lonely.” He had to get his own breakfast the next moming.—Bosfon Post. The State He Represented. A_WiLp-ryED Southern member was up- holding one of Willard’s columns last night, and expatiating in an alcoholic manner on the prospective glory and prosperity of alr, Cleveland’s administration. A gue: i that the inebriate was evidently a congress- man, and inquired of a bystander: “What State does that gentleman repre- sent?” “T believe,” he represents the state o! was the gniet reply, ‘that intoxication. Her Intentions Were Good. “ Or course 1 have no objection to your having a beau, Jennie,” said a fond father to his marriagcable daughter, “but you must not keep him so late. Keeping a fire run- ning all night lengthens the coal bill, you know.” “That is trae, pa,” gurgled the fair girl, “but I had thought of fae and consequent- ly have been very economical with the gas. The saving in gas will offset the additional | # expenditure in coal, and I must do George | the justice to say that his views enti coincide with mine in practicing economy i the matter of light.” “You foolish girl,” said the father, “chow little you know, Let me inform you, my child, that the gas bill never diminishes, no matter how little we burn.” “Still you must admit, pa, that my inten- tions were good.” “Certainly, my child. c Kias meand we'll say no more about it.”—. Boston Courier. “Nip’t in the Bud!" Sap to say, many a good thing attains to nothing more than a fair be; ginning. On the other hand it is a matter for con- gratulation that the growth of some evil things may be also promptly frustrated. A large proportion of the cases of the most wide-spread and fatal of disease —consump- tion—have their inception in nasal cat: th. Dr. Sage’s Catarrh Remedy is pleasant, soothing and effectual. Try it. It has cured thousands. All druggists. THE JUDGE. apt to A“ stnaiont” glass of whiskey is " our. make a man’s course crooked.—elroit nal. Wn is George W. Tne offic Peck like a Jew? then, all together; becaus 's Sun day.—Chicago Telegram. holder warbles: “I would not live always; Task not to stay, bat I'll miss, oh, I'll miss that magnificent pay.—Iatchet TWENTY-FIVE years ago there were fifty cats where th s only” one to-day, The world docs improve, after all.—Hartford Post. Tur poor, fatally infatuated Chinaman who eloped with a Chicago girl is dead. She accidentally stepped on him.—Philade?- phia Call. InQuimen asks: “Why is it that so many dogs have fleas?” To be perfectly honest we think it is because there are so many fleas. This, however, is merely conjecture. —Boston Post. Mr. Rienarp Grant Wurrr has been prostrated for some weeks by a severe att of gastriti: As soon as he recovers he will prove that no such work as ‘ gastritis” exists.—Hartford Post. A St. Louts editor, who started without a cent forty years ago, is now worth $40,000, His fortune is all owing to his own energy, industry and frugality, and the fact that an uncle recently left him ).—Phila- delphia Call. PASHIONABL newspaper that Pre was well off and a bachelor. “Of course, he 1s well off if he is not married,” was the brutal reply of her hus- band.—Siftings. Wuen a visitor at tho Carlisle Indian school asked a young Cheyenne girl if she a member of a church, she answered. just alittle.” “There are hun- of other church members similarly —Philadelphia Record. most unkindest cut.”—‘‘ How's “I'm losing money very fast How?” Oh, this ‘cutting of railre ad sate ” Hfow docs t fect you see, I travel on passes iH ‘these roads, and where I used to 0 on every trip from New York to go, I save only $1 now. Dead loss of .”—Chicago Neu dy read in a Cleveland A sWARTHY-LooKING American stood on a | West End sidewalk. A colored man ap- proached, and glancing around, — sai Pears to be lot of our people round here. Now, where I come from, in Maine, I w: about the only colored chap in town. I feel at home here, deed I do; don’t you?” The gentleman addressed gave a gasp and swooned. —Boston Globe. A Printer's Error. Sweet are the uses of adversity, the printer’s copy said, but he set it up, sweet are the uses of advertising. Sweet indeed, to those who in sickness and suffering have seen the advertisement of some sovere remedy, which upon trial bas brought them from death’s door. “The best thing I ever saw in my paper was the advertisement of Dr. Pierce’s ‘ Golden Medical Discovery’” is again and again the testimony of those who have been healed by it of lung disease, bronchial affections, tumors, ulcers, liver complaints and the ills to which flesh is | heir. | costs $19 “Siti, how is it that you always get such good bargains,” queried Jones.‘ Be- cause I was taught from my infancy habits of thrift, patience and economy,” replied Smith. ‘My father was always drumming it into me to * wait a little while and you vit purchase cheaper.’ Why, even my mother used to bye-low, baby,’ before I could walk, $ perfectly satisfied with the explanation.— Poston Courier. kts incre as “Write thew trade jnark aod Crowed red Line states Mutual ACCIDENT Association, ACCIDENT INSURANCE At Half the Usual Rates of Other Companies. The nd United States Mutual Accident Association, 2 Broadway, New York. The best in Thousands of claims p No valid ims contestéd or unpaid. 5,000 with & ins $25 a week Indemnity; Year. nce, JAMES R. PITCHE! COMMANDER & sa-SEVENTH RECEPTION.-€8 METROTOL Festso, JAN. 13 “crema to TICKETS, $5, admitting gentleman and ladies, 8 New Scrap Pictures apd Teneracn's Po ete CAPITAL CARD Co. Hartfo 156 pleren, conatat y etamped Lined embrold: jertal for trans comicbooks.com