Judge — December 27, 1884 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SHANTYVILLE THE JUDGE. PRECAUTIONS. In Leap Year. I Loven you, yes, once, I confess, But is it strange that minds should range And love should change and turn to rueingt Lown you've youth, beauty and truth, nt whirls, my fancy swirls When other girls are ‘round me wooing For half a score knock at my door; T know th re affable And weave a spell with all their graces, And, artlessly, they flatter me; ch charming dear, te spoilt, I fear, with all their praises. Ah, many a maid has vowed and That, if I'd be her husband, she Would willingly, through life, support me; I checked the sigh, blushed and looked shy, For my papa and my mama Are rather raw on those who court me. prayed “Throw not,” they say ur hand away On any who would come to woo, “Till time shows you how they are stationed.” And I have told them all, I'd hold My answer for a month or more, To think it o'er, if they'd be patient. Yes, it is strange how things will change; Last year, I know, I wooed you so, But you said no, and with a Mister, You'd hold me still as brother Will. This year amends; for you love ends; We'll still be friends—I'll call you sister, Aw. ELLA. “Min your eye,” said the boy-bedeviled pedagogue; “ there’s a pupil in it.” “Op late years,” says Mrs. Partington, ‘‘my physician has taken to confounding his own physics,” “Mama don’t like me to day,” said Angela. in such a tangle.” go out on a windy “ My eye-lashes do get “The last straw that breaks the camel's back.” Would it break any other camel’s back though? — If so, where is it to be had, and bow should it be applied? Journal of Young Sawbone’'s Bride. I 14TH—My journal and my darling pet Nervy have both been neglected fora few days. So has Edward, but to make up for deficiences I’ve bought Nervy a new blanket and collar for his Christmas, and I’ve ordered a new and elegant smoking jacket for Edward. As I had no money, fre had the things charged, and I trust the Lord will provide some way to pay for them. I j also Fope he'll provide a cook, for such a |time as I’ve had in the kitchen no one | knows. The two young men boarders arrived ac- cording to expectation. They are real nice, perfect gentlemen, and one of them is down- right handsome. Even Edward can find no fault with them, but the very first night | they arrived the cook went and got herself into a beastly state of intoxication. I couldn’t account for her strange actions at all, until I accidently smelled her breath, and then, asshe commenced to stagger around the rocm, the horrible truth was forced upon me. Of course, I discharged her on the spot, but she paid no attention to anything T said, and Edward had finally to call a policeman. Since then we’ve been having our meals eent in from a neighborin; restaurant—all but the coffee and tea that make myself, and I’ve burned my fingers three times every day. Of course, this is a very expensive way to live—considering we have the two young gentlemen to provide for, but I don’t care, I’m not going to worry any more. ’ll get a cook as soon as I éan, | and that’s all I can do. As long as the young men are satisfied, Ican’t see that Ed- ward needs to find fault, He is out almost every night in the week, and it is astonishing how many clinics and medical meetings he finds to go to. Dee. Toth— Edward was out again last evening as usual, and our new boarder, the nice looking one, asked me to go to the opera with him. I went, and oh, the perfidy of man—there was Edward leaning overa dreadfully decolletee woman in a box. He was in a dress suit, and I don’t see how he got into it without my knowing i He didn’t have it on at dinner, and he must have slipped up stairs while we were taking coffee. He had his overcoat on when he came down, and said he was going to a society meeting. Society meeting indeed. Mr. Smith and I got home first. In fact, Edward didn’t arrive till after the clock had struck two, I didn’t tell him I’d been to the opera at all, but I asked him, next morning, about his meeting. His remarks were absolutely sickening. He said the sub- ject up for discussion was one affected with Phthisis. Lasked him what Phthisis was, and he said, Consumption. I suppose the **subject ” was the woman in the box, but I saw no signs of wasting away in her. I told him he appeared very much inter- ested in the “subject,” and ] asked him if it was customary for doctors to go in full dress to society meetings. This question em- barrassed him, but just then Mary came up to say that Mr. Smith was waiting for his coffee. If it were not for the Smiths being here, I declare I’d leave Edward and go home to Papa and Mama. They think it perfectly dreadful to have us take boarders. Well, if they only knew it, the boarders, at least one of them, is a pleasure. Society meeting, indeed! Oh! I'll be revenged. I'll give the smoking jacket to Mr. Smith, and let Edward look to his “‘gubject ” for a Christmas present. Monographs. A CHRISTMAS LE "Twas the night before Christmas, And all thro’ the hou Not a creature was stirring, Not even a mouse. Were the children fast dreaming Of top, hoop and ball? Were the parents a-scheming Surprises for all? Were the steeds of old Santa With impatient hoof Marking time in the moonlight Up on the tin roof? Was Santa Claus trying To unload his pack, With a view of descending The chimney so black? at much! We repeat what we said— And we said what we meant— Not a creature was stirring— The house was "To Rent.” A case of black ingratitude—when a negro robs his benefactor. ‘The mane issuo usually grows out of a horse’s neck. Doctors and shoemakers should work to- gether, one to heal the sick, the other to heal the sole. “T wish I were a muff,” said a disgusted poker player. “Why so?” inquired his astonished friend. “Because then I might have a chance of holding a fair hand once in @ while.” Woman, my son, is fond of mystery. That is the reason she can never tell a man right up and down she loves him, but makes him pump it out of her by degrees, like sopping up a wet floor with a sponge. Has it ever struck you, dear boy, that a dude resembles a pyramid, very broad where he touches the ground, and very narrow comicbooks.com