Judge — December 27, 1884 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. where he tops off? And he knows just about as much as a pyramid, though he isn’t half 8o interesting. “And how is young Scharp?” inquired the returned wanderer, as he stretched his logs before the tavern fire. ‘<I suppose he is as popular as ever?” " Vi |, that depends on what yer call pop’- lar,” drawled a lounger, as he drowned a belated fly on the edge of the spittoon, ** Ibut I ‘low he’s very much sought arter.” “Ts, hey?” “‘Yaas,” He robbed the bank of ever blamed cent in it, las’ week, an’ the hull vil- lage is seekin’ arter him.” [t is little things that rule our destinies. A brick, for instance, is small and harmless looking, but let it drop from a four story house on the head of a young man who is on his way to “pop the question,” and see how it changes the current of several lives, The young man is killed, his family plunged into mourning, his girl left unmated, and the census for the next dozen years probably deprived of a steady and legitimate increase. Just turn this over in your mind, my son. Her Name !Is Mary. summer roses; Spanish girls are famed for grace, ‘ive them points on poses; and bright from tip to toe, nd as she is joll perfect every way—except She wants to be called Mollie She plays the harp and violin, rmon she’s at home, d models finely; nce, physic one little folly— inks that ** Mary's” cold and flat, And wants to be called Mollie And dances ju In French and € Santa Cravs—‘' That's too high-toned for these Demoeratic times." BIZINESS ISH BIZINESS IN BAXTER STREET. Vy, how you look once, Mr. Moonshiner.” n—* Vell, you see, Mrs. 1 NSH boy, Tky, tells dose qustomers as f was W store oud, und das was biziness; Moonshiner v. Classics. I, PLUTO, . Pluto is often wrongly confounded with Plato; they were not related. He was pres- ident of the lower regions, and so impudent that several allusions to his ‘Iron cheek ” still remain on record. Ie was chief of the Grand Lodge of Dynamiters in his realms (their most flourishing one). The only ac ‘o Pluto’s territory is by the Styx Ferry. Charon is pilot of the new steam tug that draws the barge over; it is the original ‘light fantastic tow” boat mentioned by Milton. so there is not room here for his complete biography. Il, ULYSSES. Ulysses was the man who led the Cyclops into a course of vinous indulgence. tis wifo sat up for him an unexampled nuinber of nights. He took a leading part in the siege of Vicks —I mean Troy. After this he didn’t know what to do with himself, so he travelled in Europe a while. When he came back his friends didn’t know what todo with him. There was talk of running him for the office of Grand Mogul, but the latest report is that he will travel with P. T, Barnum next summer. Tl. ORPHEUS. In compressing the biography of this great Pluto is immortal, | , 1 makes mineself dose ways, und mine iam Vanderbilt, und I buy dis clothes by mine ts ov smooth for the flies to stand on, don’t it?” man into a few words, I will merely men- | tion the most striking incidents in his career. Orpheus was born early in life, and soon attained everlasting fame as the original hand-organ man. It was erroneously sup- posed that when he played all the trees in the vicinity would come, by various routes, to hear him, so skilful was he in the various branches of his profession; it is true that | they did move, but in a contrary direction. | At the first note they would pack their trunks and leave. On this account he was often employed to clear timber land. Orpheus invented the hand-organ. The monkey, the natural accompaniment of that instrument, was invented later. Orphens also wrote ‘‘ Pinafore.” Then he died. PAUL Raton College Foot-Ball. “Do you know that the girls at Vassar are doing all they can to break up the col- | lege foot-ball?” ‘asked a Harvard man of a Yale student. | “No I hadn’t heard about it.” “Well, they are. At a recent match they | sent down a foot-ball tied up in blue ribbons and all that. Well, the man who gave it the first kick, maimed himself for life.” ‘Good gracious! What was it made of?” “Why, it was one of their sponge-cakes,” comicbooks.com